"What happened to you ? "Wezi asks me immediately I walk through the door.
"Why are you back home so early? Didn't you have like the whole day planned out?" Jeni asks
"And where's Michael?"Wezi asks again
At the mention of his name I drop and cry.
I can feel all the pain all over again.
"He canceled the engagement."
"Wait what?"Wezi asks me in disbelief
As at now am crying so hard I can't even begin to believe it.
"Hey hey this must be a mistake. Michael loves you."Jeni says while rubbing my back
"That's the problem."I say with a soft cry
"How do you mean?"Jeni asks me.
"I don't deserve his love Jeni. His pure,kind,faithful and loving. His been faithful all along and I went whoring and got my self knocked up by a married man"
"Does he have a problem with you being knocked up?What exactly happened or what did he say?"
I gather my self and narrate to them exactly what happened.
"Do you love him?" Jeni asks me while lifting my chin so I can look at her
Wezi has moved from the floor we are at and heads to the kitchen counter to get her phone.
How can she be calling someone at a time like this.
"I do and I feel selfish and I hate myself for it."
"What do you mean?"
"I love him desperately. I love him so much I want to cry because he still loves me despite my condition. And am so selfish I wanna just marry him today. But am ashamed Jeni. Am so ashamed of my self that I can't look at him straight in the eye.
His young,handsome and successful. He deserves better. Not a whore that got her self knocked up by another man.
From the first time we locked lips all I've ever wanted to be was his wife. Many are the times I've planned weddings in my head and all.
When he left for Geneva I was crushed. Like literally. I had lost the one man I had ever truly loved.
Then Tsepho happened.
I was attracted to him like extremely and in a way I had fallen for him.
I loved him yes but even then all of me loved Michael.
I guess that's why I was hesitant to date him.
My heart still longed for Michael.
His the only one I have truly ever loved.
But I defiled that love by falling and sleeping with another man while all he loyal to me.
When I met him again I fell in love with him all over again. I was so turned on when I saw him walk out of the shower.
Spending time with him these past months have made me realize that his too good for me.
Look at me am like 90 kg,my skin is darker than usual,my belly is so big it looks like it'll explode any minute.
How can I get excited to get married to such a handsome man when I look like a black olga. " I sniff
"But he loves you despite everything. Doesn't that mean anything to you"Wezi asks me.
She was back on my side with her phone on her lap.
"It means everything to me. " I say honestly.
"What if this time you lose him for good would be okay?"Jeni asks me softly
"I would be crushed. I would regret it for the rest of my life."I say with a loud cry
"Hey hey it hadn't happened yet so please tone down on the crying"Wezi says jokingly and i laugh softly with them "But you might lose him if you don't forgive yourself, if you don't let him love you like you deserve."
"Tsepho and you happened when you guys were apart. "Jeni jumps in " he knows that and that's why he isn't holding anything against you. Michael loves you and with the way he loves you I know his your best shot at a happy life. You and the boy's are surely blessed to have him. No one can be a better husband and father to your children other than Micheal not even Tsepho can love all of you like he can. "She says and my heart swells with pride.
"Michael loves you selflessly and unconditionally. He loves you without fear or favor" Wezi adds and Jeni nods in agreement.
And so does my heart.
And the boys agree too by kicking both at the same time.
"Oh"I exclaim softly.
"You see even the boys agree."Jeni says with a chuckle.
"Just imagine losing that kind of love because of your insecurities and a night with a happily married man?"Wezi says
"Imagine"Jeni agrees too
"You'll give birth next month and you'll be back to normal and Michael will still be here with you. You can be that which you want to be to him after next month so don't let your Olga looks make you lose the love of your life." Wezi goes on to say.
"If I haven't already" I say sadly.
"Why not follow him and tell him how you feel?"Jeni asks
"No need"Wezi says "he heard everything you said. Maybe you can just express your love privately. " she says while handing me her phone.
Her screen lights up and Michael's name appears on the screen.
"Why didn't you tell me you were horny that night?" Is the first thing he says when I pick up the phone.
"Very funny"
He bursts out laughing on the other side.
"Am sorry for what happened today. I shouldn't have said..."
"Am sorry I made you feel like that. I was just getting all worked up for nothing and allowed my insecurities to get the best of me."
"You don't have to apologize..."
"I do. I should have talked about it with you instead of allowing my insecurities get the best of me."he says softly.
"I should have done better." I say honestly . " i should have shown more zeal. But i promise to do better.
i cant afford to lose you. I cant even begin to imagine my life without you. Even the babies love you already. I love you Michael Osen. I know i can survive without you but i don't want to live a life without you. When you left i realized you mean the world to me and i can never find the kind of love that we shared.
And now that heaven has given me another opportunity to experience it. I wanna live my life loving you without fear or favor. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice but its been striking me since you returned into my life.
You are one in a million.
I don't know what you see in me. Maybe love is surely blind. But am happy that its me you chose to blind you.
I love you so much and i cant wait to live my life everyday loving you."
"I love you too. Natasha Mesha Osen."
*****
YOU ARE READING
TONIGHT I MIGHT FALL IN LOVE
General FictionBOOK 1 IN "THE NIGHT SERIES" When Tasha meets Micheal she thinks she has found the man she'll spend the rest of her life with but we don't always get what we want now do we?
