The Affair | Jungkook ff

¤ 10 ¤

The diner went well, between Jin's dad jokes and Jungkook's constant questions asking if I was well, my mood hasn't been that good for a while now. After that, we decided to have desert in the living room, Jin and Jungkook went ahead while I went to the kitchen to bring the lemon pie I had previously baked.

I was about to step in when I overheard a conversation between the two men.. "...I know hyung but I can't ask her something so personal this is why I'm asking you"

"Look Jungkook this is not my secret to tell and Emma made me swear that I will never talk about it again. If you really want to know ask her directly I'm sure she will talk about it if it's you."
I didn't have to be a genius to guess that they were talking about what happened three years ago. I sighed knowing that sooner or later I would tell him everything not because I was obliged but because I trust him.
"I hope I didn't make you wait guys." I placed the tray on the table and gave both men a piece

"I didn't know you could cook this well Emma, it's been a long time since I last had such a good meal." Jungkook said with his mouth full "we should open a restaurant, I'll stop working at the hospital and be a handsome waiter instead" I couldn't help but laugh at Jin's silly words

The rest of the evening went by quickly and before we realized it was already past midnight. "I think I should go now guys" Jin said standing up "thank you Emma it's been a while since we've done this I missed spending time with you" Jin's hugs were the closest thing to what it would feel like if I had loving siblings.

"I'll call you tomorrow Emma, oh and Kook, take care of our princess okay?" And with that Jin was off...

... And suddenly I was standing alone with a very tense Jungkook next to me, and all I could think of was my mental breaking down in the kitchen and the kiss I gave him after. I wanted to run and hide like a child under my covers but I knew too well that I had to take responsibility for what I did.

"I'm sorry...." we both said at the same time. I sighed "Jungkook look I'll clean up quickly and come, you can wait for me in my room if you want to." Normally he would insist on staying close by in case something happens but I guess he was too embarrassed to stay.

_______________________

The lights were off and no sound could be heard as I stepped into my room. For a moment I thought he was gone until I saw his silhouette in the balcony. "I see you found my little piece of peace." I stood next to him admiring the city lights and none of us spoke for a long time. The air was cold but refreshing, and small gusts of wind brought the delicious smell of the man next to me and awakened my senses deeply,and I couldn't help but think about our moment earlier in the kitchen.

"I accidentally overheard your conversation with Jin." I said without looking at him, I could see however that Jungkook was facing me now.

"I'm sorry Emma, I didn't mean to brag into your personal life."

There was something about Jungkook; you see whenever he opened his mouth his voice was music to my ears, his eyes were galaxies of stars and suns and I couldn't help but dive in every time he looked at me with such intensity... he was slowly invading my mind and my soul and I wasn't even aware of it.

"I think I need more wine, it's going to be a long story." with that we both settled in front of the fireplace in my room. He was quiet; I knew he was waiting for me patiently, giving me enough time to compose myself. "You don't have to tell me Emma if you're not ready to talk about it."

"No, it's okay I want to tell, I really do, I just haven't spoken about this to anyone except for Jin who was on duty that night."

Gathering all the courage I had in me, I gulped down my glass of red wine, I usually wouldn't be so careless around alcohol since I had a lo tolerance, but I knew I needed to be at least tipsy in order to spill the tea.

"I was 23 when it happened; I had just graduated from university and started working at Starlight with Hoseok as a photographer and video editor. Everything was going well in my life even though Alex was not the best husband I could ask for, he was always absent on business trips or sleeping somewhere in one of his girlfriends' houses."

Jungkook's expression was a mix of anger and sadness; he sat quiet and didn't interrupt me although I knew he had many questions already.

"You see Jungkook, my marriage was never one out of love, I was naive and young, I thought I knew what I wanted in life when I met Alex but as I grew a bit older I saw what kind of man he was. Still I was grateful I had a shelter, food whenever I was hungry, and Clothes to keep me away from cold, there was only one thing missing, something I had always longed for..... A family." At this point I needed more than two glasses to suppress the ball forming at my throat.

"I invested my all in my work, I would come home late to empty halls and rooms but that night he came home drunk and angry, Alex kept on talking about a contract he lost and to be honest that was the last thing I wanted to talk about, so I just decided to let him be and sleep since I was already exhausted, but he had other plans.."

It was pointless to suppress my tears, I knew I looked pathetic bawling my eyes out, but I didn't care anymore, I had to let it out and fortunately Jungkook was there to keep me together from falling apart again. And as if this man always knew what to do, he got up from his arms chair and sat on the carpeted floor by my side; and without saying a word he simply took my hand in his and caressed it gently without looking away for a second.

"As you can predict what happened that night, he.. " I choked on my sobs "He took advantage of me, I tried to resist, I didn't want him, not anymore, but he was stronger.. and he did it, he humiliated me in the worst way possible, he broke me both physically and mentally and once he was done, he just left me crying on the floor and left the house."

Jungkook's hold around my hand tightened, although he managed to contain himself I could see he was fuming with rage, but still he was once again considerate enough to give me time and let me speak freely. Both of his hands were enveloping mine now, my glass of wine long gone, the only thing I could feel was his warm soothing touch, and the longer he rubbed my hands the more I felt my heart mending..

"I had no will to live after that, although I had Jin, Hoseok and Rita, I felt like their love was not enough to help fix my broken pieces. I couldn't even love myself, what was there to love anyway? I was more than ready to leave this world behind me, I had thought about it for a while and took a decision, nothing was holding me back anymore. So I woke up one morning, got dressed and drove my car out of the city and parked in front of a lake. It was a cold winter just like now, there were very few people around as it was still early in the morning. I left the keys inside and went out, took off my coat and stepped in the cold water. It only took seconds for my feet to get numb but you know what Jungkook?" I asked without really expecting an answer, "At that moment I wasn't sad, I wasn't scared Jungkook, I felt at peace, the pain was going to end finally, I was going to rest eternally in the depth of that lake. I took one step after the other until I was completely immersed, I couldn't swim, never learned and for once was grateful for it. I felt myself getting dragged down to the darkness and closed my eyes."

"That was the last thing I could remember, I opened my eyes later in a hospital room. Jin was helplessly crying holding my hand tight as if his life depended on it, I never saw his tears, I never heard him whipping so loud; Hoseok was there as well, the man who was the sunshine of my life was crying like a child on the other side of the bed, I new at that moment how selfish I was to go and try to take my own life when I had these amazing souls by my side loving me when I couldn't even look at my reflection without being disgusted."

"When I asked later on what happened, the doctors told me that someone was running by the lake and called the ambulance after they saving me. But the biggest news came out a day after when I was at Jin's house while Alex was on business trip. He insisted that I stay with him, I guess he was afraid I'd try to kill myself again if I was left alone. That morning, I called to get informed about my blood test results and that's when I received the most beautiful news ever: on the other side of the line the nurse was congratulating me on being three weeks pregnant."