The Truth He Never Told -I-

27. Choice

A day passed, days after a month passed, a month after months passed but still, I am sitting beside the window can't able to move an inch, mentally. It's been six months since I agreed to stay in the house. I don't know in what mind I agreed to do such a thing. But one thing is clear, I lost my mind.

I lost my mind in order to get a happy life I want. We all chase for something in our life. It can be anything, but mine is very simple and easy –just a happy and simple life. I don't know why it is so hard to grab.

I am doing everything and giving up everything to get that but I can't able to feel it. It turns me crazy as I think deeper about what's going to happen? It frightens me.

I am a fool, I thought if I do as he told then he will change. However, that's not happening. How can he change himself when I do whatever he says? I am just encouraging him to continue being a lunatic. Then I thought am I really helping him?

In these six months, I talked many times about letting go of those emotions, I argued with him, I fought with him and I even begged him but all his reply was silence and 'I will try'

What can I do with this man? He knows what he's doing is wrong but still, he can't stop doing it? It is not only hard for me, it's difficult for him too. Sometimes when he cries I can't do anything than just stay agree for everything he says. Just for him, just for him, I am pretending as I am happy, I am acting like it's alright and I am showing myself fine to stay like this. Not a single time this helped him to trust me. He can never trust me that's the meek truth.

He doesn't care about my emotions; he has no empathy. Sometimes it shows up but his overpowering thoughts to keep everything secret doesn't let that to come. He just saw me as one among the object that stays in the house.

The sad thing is no one called me in these six months. My call log and message were the same when I saw my phone yesterday. Even if I die here no one is going to ask him why? And Vijay won't care much and will move on so easily.

Tears glided to my cheek having that thought. It's raining heavily outside. Maybe because of this rain turns me emotional. It's pushing me to pour out my emotions which I am controlling more than I should.

My hate for him is not because he's doing all these things; he has no love for me even after being with me for almost a year now. We have laughed, we have cried and he has moments that surged in love. I have sacrificed many things and I do even more but he can't able to change this single thought.

I am caged in these four walls to prove my love, I want to prove my feelings so that he will believe be yet nothing changed. He's still the same with no big feelings on me.

When all this anger could begin I loved him and I still do. However, if I think that he doesn't love me back hurts me more. I am here because of him but he doesn't care that. If he loved me a little bit, he wouldn't do this to me.

Walking out of this house, this relationship and from everything is simple, I can even do that now but I am afraid. Not because he will harm me. The love I have on him doesn't let me do that.

It's not like he's keeping me, hostage, I willingly accepted this. He has done something to my heart. He didn't shower love but he got much of my sympathy. Sympathy is stronger than love. We are living a life that will anytime fall out yet we are continuing it because of that.

How can I even say that I hate him when I am not able to accept that I hate him?

Standing in the middle where I can love him and continue to stay with him and on the other side, I just want to leave and forget everything that happened between us like a nightmare. I can't do either of that so I just cry thinking about our fate.