i ̶d̶o̶n̶t̶ want forgiveness {POST GAME} <saiouma>

Chapter 2

•* SHUICHIS POV *•

I cautiously opened the door to my hospital room and scanned the scene infront of me. It didn't seem to peculiar, to be honest, it just looked like a normal hospital. As I continued to stumble my way down the hall i registered the plaques of my friends names beside their doors so I could memorise where each of their rooms were located.

Putting my hand on the wall for support, a man with white fluffy hair glided past me, if not for his absent minded humming, I would not have heard or seen him, how peculiar.
"U-Um excuse me sir!" I called out, just as he was about to round the corner.
He turned to look at me, he was also wearing a black and white lab coat.
"Oh sorry were you talking to me?" He asked apologetically, smiling slightly as he walked back to wear i was.
"Yes um i was wondering where I could find my classmates, I woke up not to long ago so I'm not sure where to go..." i trailed off, looking down as to avoid eye contact.
He let out a small girlish chuckle and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I looked up cautiously to see the man smiling at me, his skin was ghostly pale and his greyish green eyes met mine.
"No need to worry, i remember when I first woke up as well, i was just as confused and nervous as you are haha," he laughed again, placing his hands in his pockets.
"I'm Nagito Komeada by the way and I'm pretty sure I saw a gathering of your classmates in the cafeteria." He pointed to me where to go.
"Oh uh thank you very much Komeada" I said still a little nervous, as he gave me a warm smile and waved me off.

Continuing down the hospital I noticed a purple haired girl dashing towards a door , she seemed to be panicking and was also wearing a black and white lab coat. Just has i was about to ask her what was wrong she disappeared threw a door with a plaque next to it saying,
Kokichi Ouma , Ultimate Suprere Leader.

"Kokichi? Why is his room all the way back here?" I wondered aloud to myself, as panicked shouts could be heard from within. As questions swirled around in my mind, I let out a sigh and turned away and towards the door of the cafeteria. I took a deep breath, calming myself before swinging open the doors.

"SHUICHI !!!"
Immediately I was knocked over by someone hugging me. We collapsed onto the floor and I snapped my eyes open to see a grinning Kaede Akamatsu ontop of me. Her bright purple pink eyes had tears threatening to spill at the edges and her long, silky blonde hair fell around her shoulders.
"God I thought I'd never see you again!" She cried hugging me close and putting her head on my shoulder. Me still being a little shocked, hugged her back, patting her head a little, smiling.
"It's so good to see you Kaede I thought you had died" I responded happily as we both got up and I looked around the cafeteria.

There they all were, my classmates, my friends, my family. Kaito looked ecstatic while a half smiling Maki tried to calm him down. Tenko, Himiko and Angie stood laughing happily together by a table. Ryoma and Kirumi waved from a table smiling. Gonta, Kiibo and Miu waved as well, Miu shouting as always. Korekiyo and Rantaro smiled from the corner. Seeing them all together, made my heart ache with happiness and I felt tears stsrt the cascade down my face.
"Oi Shuichi crying isn't very manly of you!" Kaito boomed slapping me on the back and laughing.
"Come on Kaito give him a break, it's good to see you shuichi," Maki said quietly giving me a rare smile.
"It's just- I thought I'd never see you all again. I-I'm so glad your all ok!" I sobbed quietly, laughing a little as Kaede set me down at a table.

"You really were amazing though, I knew you'd be able to beat Tsumugi I just knew it!!" Kaede said happily, hopping up and down a little as I had started to calmed down a bit. There was a soft buzz of chatter around the room as each patient talked amongst themselves. Well, not everyone.

"That reminds me what happened to Tsumugi?" I asked scanning the room to see she wasn't anywhere to be seen.
"Oh she was just an A.I! You'd think out of all people Kiibo would be the A.I but nope he's human!!" Kaito replied happily, shooting Kiibo finger guns from across the room which Kiibo seemed to be quite confused about. I took a deep breath and sighed, just an hour ago I'd thought I had died and here I am sitting with my very alive friends, catching up and chatting to eachother. Suddenly Kaede started coughing, she put her hand against the wall for support as she coughed into her hand.
"K-Kaede are you Ok? Is soemthing wrong?"
"Y-Yes I'm O-Ok!!" She rasped, her coughing fit dying down.
"Because of my execution my neck is a little damaged so it's sometimes hard to breathe or talk." She explained, seeming not to be phased at all by the coughing fit she had just endured.
"Anyone who had a death or execution was physically effected in some way it's sad really I wonder who got it worse..." Maki wondered allowed also looking around the room.
"Oh don't be so down in the dumps Maki Roll!! I'm sure everybody will be ok in the end!" Kaito boomed encouragingly placing an arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek.
"S-stop that!!" Maki stuttered pushing him away and crossing her arms as me, Kaede and Kaito laughed teasingly.
"Well I mean if we're thinking about who had it worse my guess is...." I trailed off thinking for a second.
"Maybe kokichi?" I finally concluded.
The others looked at me with blank expressions. Maki was the first to react.
"Tch good I'm glad it was him who had it worst maybe he'll die from whatever's going on with him, it do is all a favour." She said coldly turning away with hatred in her eyes. Kaito and Kaede sighed.
"I have to say if it's Kokichi I don't think I mind, all the shit he did in the game? He deserves it" Kaito agreed shrugging and putting his head on his hand.
Kaede frowned slightly, as though deep in thought.
"I don't know, he definetly was a pain, and I know you guys were probably bothered by him more but I don't think he deserves to die, he had good intentions remember" Kaede tried to reason, although she seemed unsure herself. To me Kokichi was the one I had always tried to figure out, his lies could twist and manipulate anyone but did he lie to hurt people? Or to prevent himself from getting hurt?
"He's a liar of course he didn't care about any of us!" Maki snapped, getting up from her place.
"I'm going back to my room to read see you all later on I guess." And with that, she disappeared.
"Maybe I shouldnt have brought Kokichi up..." I muttered quietly to myself.

After around an hour of talking to Kaede and Kaito, along with the rest of the class I retired to my room.  As I walked down the hall I caught sight of Kokichis room. Hesitantly, I stepped forward and knocked on his door.
...
...
...
No response.
Well I had expected that.
Just as I was about to turn away, the purple haired nurse from earlier came stumbling out.
"I-Im sorry did you k-knock?" She asked stuttering in a high pitches voice.
"Oh I was just wondering how Kokichi was doing, but I can come back later" I explained a little put off by her worried expression.
"Oh I see !! I-I'm really sorry but K-Kokichi dosnt w-want any visitors, h-h-his health isn't the best at the moment!!" She said apologetically.
"Oh I see well that's ok thank you anyway."

Kokichi Ouma, what's going on with you?

•* KOKICHIS POV *•

The door shut.
Mikans walking towards me again.
I wonder who was at the door.
Oh she's speaking again.
Probably telling me off for not eating again.
YoUr bOdiEs WeAK oUmA pLeASe EaT.
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of this place.

"KOKICHI OUMA !!! "

My tired eyes snapped open.
Mikan was out of breath, her purple hair was even more messed up than usual and she seemed fed up.
"You have to listen to me! Your body is extremely weak! If you don't eat it will fail you and you'll die don't you understand that!!" She exclaimed, her stuttering now gone. Hajime, who was the doctor I was assigned with, walked towards me and sat on the edge of my bed. My drooping eyes lazily followed him as he approached, the bags underneath them growing worse by the day. Hajime looked at me, no pity in his eyes, no 'I'm so sorry for your situation' just a simple stare.

"Kokichi, you look awful." He said bluntly.
I let out a small laugh as if I don't already know that, as if i havnt been telling myself i look awful for the last 17 years I've been living.
"Listen, when I first got out of the game, I didn't plan to live on. I was so done with my existence, sure I had figured out those stupid trials but in turn I was the reason my friends had to go threw awful trials that impact them to this day." Hajime paused his expression softening. He reached out and touched my hand, I flinched but eventually allowed him to hold it.
"It isn't over Kokichi, your stronger than you think."

Strong,
Strong?
That's never a word anybody has described me as,
Oh how laughable it is,
To see Hajimes attempts to help me,
It's all useless,
u s e l e s s
I cant change,
I cant,
I won't,
I'm a liar,
I cant just stop being one,
I deserve what ever happens to me,
I put them all threw so much fucking shit!!
I'm the reason three people are hurt,
IM THE REASON!!!
SO
LET
ME

SUFFER

"Your an idiot Hajime."
I scratched the scars on my thin, bony arm. My purple with white streaked hair sat limply on my shoulders, no life in it, as if it were the hair of a corpse. Both my amber and purple eye closed as my body let go from beneath me. I could feel each bone from my body pierce into the mattress underneath me, as I curled up into a ball and let out the 17 years worth of tears.

They all came at once in a wave of emotions.
My senses were numb, over stimulated by the intense feelings that were corsing threw my body. The feelings I had suppressed for so so long.
"I-it's no use" I choked out choking on my own hunger.
"I FUCKED IT ALL UP!!! I DESERVE THIS!!"
I could barely hear my own cracked and broken voice as I covered my ears.

Somebody save me.
I'm begging.
Anybody.

Just release me from my own mind.

word count: 1930

n o t e s :
wow chapter 2 done !!! Threw the small introduction of kokichi this chapter I'm sure you can see how angsty this book reallt will be. More elements of shuichi and kokichis back story will be explored later on as well as the rest of the cast. I'm excited for this book and please don't forget to comment and vote !!