•* KOKICHIS POV *•
A soft knock at my hospital room door drew me away from a deep haze. As i unglued my eyes from a spot on the wall I had been watching as thoughts battled in my head, I focused on the door my vision somewhat blurry.
Grabbing a lock of my white and purple hair, I turned over so I was facing the window, ignoring the knocks and hoping that whoever was there would just give up and go away but as the knocks continued, and as my anxiety built up, and more hair was being pulled out, I heard a voice come from outside.
"Hey Kokichi it's me, let me in I need to talk to you."
It was Rantaro Amami.
All of a sudden my depressive state was washed away like a wave of hope and excitement. I scrambled to the door, forgetting that I couldn't walk and landing with a hard thud on the ground.
"Kokichi is everything ok?!" Rantaro asked worriedly from the other side.
"Just find Ran Ran in coming !!" I croaked in a sing song voice, heaving my way towards the door using just my arms and somehow reaching up a bony hand to grab the latch of the door, opening it to reveal a very confused Rantaro.
" Kokichi what the fuck are you doing?!" Rantaro scolded, trying to hold in a laugh at the sight of my idiotic situation. He scooped me up and carried me back to my bed as I gasped for air, not having done that much exercise in a very long while.
Once Rantaro was settled on a chair, and I was once again sprawled out on my bed I got a better look at him. The messy avacado coloured hair, the piercings and jewellery that covered his neck, wrists and ears, the same calm, calculated, greyish green eyes that I had seen many a time. Me and Rantaro new each other before the game.
I had only remembered in a dream last night so when Rantaro knocked at my door, the excitement I felt was enough to make me forget I was disabled and go straight for the door like a complete idiot.
"How have you been Kichi? I've been meaning to come by and say hello but I didn't want to disturb you." Rantaro said with a soft and apologetic smile.
I chuckled at him, "I probably wouldn't have opened the door if you had come a few days ago I only remembered who you were before the game last night."
He hummed in understanding.
"But other than that, it's been pretty shit, worse than back before the game, worse than in the game it's just all coming crashing down on me at once and I don't know what to do."
Rantaro could hear the pain in my voice as I looked away, he leaned forward and hugged me.
There was something about a hug from your best friend that can cure even the most deadly of wounds in the moment. Rantaro and I weren't close in the game but I always felt a strong connection or feeling that I could trust him and thst he meant something too me. As I silently sobbed into his arms, visions of us walking home together or him finding me after school so that he could take me away from the people bullying me. It all felt so, warm. Although the feeling didn't last.
We broke the hug and I wiped my eyes.
"I can't imagine the pain your in right now, it must all hurt so much and I don't wanna pretend like I know what your going threw." Rantaro started, his deep voice calming me and allowing me to listen to every word he said.
"You need people Kokichi and I know you don't think you do because I know you."
"I don't thi-"
"You mask your emotions because you don't want to hurt people or for people to get hurt so you end up pushing people away, doing anything you can to push people away because that's what everybodies done to you. It isn't like that anymore, you don't need to hide."
Silence was in the room, watching us with an intense atmosphere.
Rantaro was right, he was always right but something in me just couldn't make me accept that fact that I need people.
"What if I only need you!! You can help me right?!"
Rantaro gave me a sad smile.
"Not only me, I can't help you for everything Kichi I'm sorry I wish I could."
Rantaros eyes lit up suddenly.
"What about Shuichi?"
I looked at him for a second and gave a sad sigh.
"He hates me, I hate him, no way."
"You remember though right? He loved you, you loved him and then the game started you were interested in him weren't you, so why can't it work now?"
Shuichi Saihara flashed into my mind.
A dark, sly Shuichi, that smirked at me and made me feel like I was loved.
And an awkward, uplifting, shy Shuichi that waved timidly at me but still gave off the aura of confidence, and moral justice
Both, in my eyes, were perfect.
It's true that I had fell for Shuichi, many many times and I don't think that I could stop falling for him. In my state however, there's no way in hell I could ever be with someone as kind, as loyal, as loveable as him when I am such a broken, evil piece of shit.
"It could never work Ran Ran he's too good for me! I try and hate him I really do I try everything I can to hate his guts and to never want to see him again but I can't stop my feelings and I hate it !!" I complained, hugging my knees.
"Shuichis just so perfect, he deserves someone who can be as perfect as him and that's not me."
"I don't believe that's true." Rantaro said matter of factly.
"I can garentee you Shuichi would love to start a new you just have to let go of all this masking of emotions and I believe Shuichi more than anyone can help you do that."
Rantaro smiled and got up from his seat. I watched him and thought hard, what have I got left to live for, nothing. If this goes wrong I'll just do what I was meant to do from the moment I arrived in this damn hospital.
"FINE!!"
Rantaro perked up, a smile spreading across his face.
"That's great! See you at the cafe tomorrow then!"
"Wait what cafe??! Tomorrow?! You can't be seri- and he's gone."
Rantaro swiftly shut the door behind him.
I let out a exasperated sigh as I flipped back down seeming somewhat better but still grabbing a lock of hair and playing with it in my fingers, letting the stands of hair fall and twist round my hands. The soft feeling was the most comforting thing about being alone in this room even if it sometimes goes bad and I end up pulling it out.
I glanced at the calendar on my wall, it's been a month since I woke up wow it's felt like a year.
Next to the calendar was a daily report form for how I was managing each week, I squinted and managed to read the tiny writing.
Week 4
Assigned doctor: Hajime Hinata
Kokichi is quieter these days but my worry for him only increases, I'm scared for his well being and for his mental health as he refuses to talk for days on end. Eating is a very rare occurrence i will be talking to the hospital as soon as I can about alternate ways to give him food so he can stay healthy because at the rate he is going, his passing isn't an unrealistic idea.
My passing isn't an unrealistic idea? Yeah you got that right. I chuckled into my blanket.
words: 1330
n o t e s :
yikes it's been a while h e y uuuuh when did 2K happen ?? Pardon me ?? But yeah as you all know updates will be less frequent due to school and shit I don't really wanna discuss my mental health or personal life shit but it's all been oretty shit lately so that's also made things a m a z i n g I still wanna keep writing this book and the support on it as been unreal so thank you smmmm
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i ̶d̶o̶n̶t̶ want forgiveness {POST GAME} <saiouma>
Romanceit's all just a stupid game. we went threw all that trauma and suffering, just to wake up and be told it was all a game ? so it must not done anything right? games don't effect reality. games don't cause trauma. games don't hurt you physically. ga...
