Life Goes On

13. Love Square?

It's funny how one day someone can mean so much to you and the next, it's as if they never existed. That's the current situation with me. It's been weeks since I've last seen or talked to Justin and Jazmyn. The last time I heard of/from them was that day Justin made a huge deal of things at the pier. He tried calling several times after, but I guess he just gave up. Jazmyn, on the other hand, never tried to contact me. Her worst nightmare was not to lose another friend because of her brother, but she lost me herself.

It's now mid June and I'm back to being my lonely self. I've made plenty of videos since then and I'd like to say I'm back to myself, but I can't help but feel a little odd. I guess I got too used to being around 'friends' all the time and now I just felt alone. I didn't like this feeling because that meant I was expectant and I was taught never to be that.

You see, once you become expectant then you start expecting things, basically what the meaning of it is. You start expecting to have friends around, to be accompanied places, to have someone to talk to, to have someone to lean on, and to have someone in general. And once you start expecting things from people, it never ends well because there comes a day they can't give what you're expecting anymore and all you'll have left is you and your own expectant self.

Onto a lighter note, about a week after that whole thing happened, I was invited to attend Vidcon. If you don't know what vidcon is, it's basically a convention a bunch of MyTuber's go to where they have meet ups, panels, and other fun stuff. Every year it's held here in Los Angeles at the Anaheim convention center. Last year was my first time going and I guess they liked having me because now I'm here in my hotel room getting ready for Day 1 of the crazy fun madness.

It's 10:30 and I should be at the convention center already, but I woke up a little late. I'm trying my best to curl my hair and change, but I only end up burning my arm. I stay half naked in front of the mirror until I'm done and then slip on my clothes. My outfit consists of a pink floral print bralet top, high waisted shorts, and brand new white high top converse. To make myself not so plain, I added a small flower crown to my hair and my infinity necklace.

It was now almost 12 and if I didn't leave asap, I'd be late for my own meet up. I shoved my phone and my key card into my pocket and ran out. On the way, I ran into one of my online friends and we talked while we walked across the street to the center. "It was nice catching up. Are you going to the after party?" my friend Heather asked.

"I was thinking about it," I say.

"You should come with me," she suggests, "it's plus one, so you can bring someone."

"Alright. I'll text you." She nods and we both part ways. I scurry inside through the back entrance and am immediately escorted to the room where my meet up will be held. As soon as I walk in, hundreds of people begin screaming and I scold myself. However, I get over it once I see all these people lined up to meet me. They hand me a microphone and I turn it on.

"Hey guys," I say, looking around at all their faces, "I'm so sorry I'm late. I kind of overslept and I wanted to dress to impress, so I was late, but I'm here now and I can't wait to meet all of you." They all cheered and I stepped off the stage to where the back screen was set up. Just as I stepped in front of it, the security guards began letting people past the ropes.

About an hour and a half in, I was halfway done. Everyone I'd recently met was so nice and many of them were crying which only made me cry, too. They were so sweet and all of a sudden I didn't feel so alone. I felt loved and appreciated and I couldn't ask for anything more. I finished taking a few pictures with a girl and her friend when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey, Faith," I looked up to find Jazmyn. I couldn't say anything to her. I had many things in mind, but none would come out. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but I've had these tickets for so long and I didn't want them to go to waste."