1.1 The Chronicles of Us - Vice & Virtue

Chapter twenty-three

With both Tex and Stacy gone, I'm all alone again. I feel so aimless. Tex told me to be gone before he comes back. That's probably for the best. I don't want to upset him any more than I already have.

Where to go? A hotel? I haven't seen one around, but there's a bus stop close by. I could go over there and check the schedule to see which line goes downtown. A little walk might stop my knees from trembling. While sniffling and softly sobbing, I cross the street and follow the unevenly paved sidewalk.

What a mess I've made. I didn't hit him on purpose, but it wouldn't have happened if I had just listened to him when he tried to explain. No, explosive jealousy turned me into someone I don't recognize. I've never felt like a green monster before. Not even when David wouldn't shut up about that new coworker.

A dull drizzle accompanies my mood. The empty industrial road even more so. This whole area is depressing. Or maybe it's just because I'm so very sad. It seemed fine earlier today.

The back of a bus disappears around the corner. Stacy is probably on it. The bus shelter is only a small distance away. It's a little run down and the contents of the trash can lie scattered on the ground. Maybe I shouldn't have come here alone. Since I'm here now anyway and the rain is getting heavier, I step into the dry space, only to freeze on the spot.

Tex sits on the bench with his elbows on his knees, cigarette in hand and nose groundward. Should I turn and leave? I don't think he noticed me.

Just when I shuffle my feet, he speaks with a voice void of anything. "I told you to go, not to come and find me."

"I wasn't." I swallow to prevent my voice from cracking. "I came to see the bus schedule."

He blows out a cloud of smoke. "Why?"

Slightly confused, I scratch my elbow. "Like you said, you told me to go, so that's why I'm here."

His cigarette lands in a pothole when he flicks it away. "I'm not gonna let you take a bus at this hour. That's not safe."

Okay?

Blabbery words spill from my mouth. "I'm sure it will be fine, but I guess I could call a cab or an Uber. I've never done that, but I can download the app. Although, that might not be safer. A cab, then. I'll look up the number and—"

"Sit down."

I quickly do so, next to him. The space between us is small, yet I've never felt further away. He stays silent for a while—staring at the darkness across the street—before asking, "Why did you get so angry?"

How to answer?

Would it be okay if I were to say that I love him? It could be considered a brave thing to do, but I don't feel fearless right now. I don't even dare to look his way. "You hurt my feelings."

I can feel his eyes on me. "What feelings?"

This is it. A simple question with only one possible answer. How hard can it be to just speak those three words?

I side-glance at him, nerves trickling down my gut. "I ... like you."

Coward!

He drops his head and sighs. It's difficult to determine if he's relieved or disappointed by my words. "Look, you're a nice girl and we had some good times but nothing has changed."

A nice girl.

I know what he means. I'm fun between the sheets but not much more than that. His interest in me will be over the minute I'm gone. The last thing he wants is to hear that I love him. Maybe he's right. It's just a silly crush after all.