Loving yourself is hard. Trying to find love in a family who objectified you? Seems like work. But try finding love in someone as a hopeless romantic too.
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Smart, nerdy, pretty, and kind are all the words she's gotten used to. Being a Junior in...
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"Stop."
She told me to stop, placing her delicate hands on my chest, unable to even look me in the eye. Jumping down and hastily walking to Cade, grabbing him by the arm and said goodbye before leaving without another word.
That's it.
She left me with a look of bewilderment in my eyes while Cade stared awfully like he's just sensing some kinda fucking dark energy. I was just astounded. I've never been left hanging like that.
I was so close, my lips brushed hers like painting on a canvas and she was so close to doing it; then she stopped. I wanted to rip something up but seeing as the nearest one was a glass of water...
"Oh, what the fuck!?" Cade yelled, jumping back as the shards of glass came flying from the kitchen to the living room where he was. "That was the last of the good cups." He frowned before snapping his head and walking away like some type of wimp. Yet here I am acting like a child.
Does she dare to leave me hanging like that? Yes. She did. But that glass seemed to be enough to make me realize all the reasons she was mad or confused about the shit I'd just done.
Between her bruised face and wounded heart, I can see why the timing was a little messed up. If I were her then I wouldn't want a guy hitting on me after a beating. Then again, we were so close.
Too close. I felt my heart beating like it hadn't been there all my life. The way she smelt like roses and vanilla and her warm breath brushing on my skin like a tempting snake ready to poison. The things this woman does to me are uncomfortably treacherous. I would've eaten her alive right on the counter if she hadn't jolted up and snapped me out.
I've tried to deny it, throw it out, ruin it, and even break the chain but none of those worked. Every time I think that phase is done, she comes back like a bug and I'm back. A crazed teenage boy who's never seen a beautiful woman in his whole life. There's no coming back from it; is sick to me knowing that I feel this way while seeing her in pain. Only my sick mind could possibly have that thought.
I need to have her, for myself and by myself. I need her, I want her. Now.
I return the ice pack to the freezer, letting the frostbites ache. Hoping that it would bring me back to reality; a reality that she's not the type to kiss and tell—hell to even just kiss. Getting her would be leg work while getting anyone else would be a breeze. I think of the many ways I could get her to be mine, take her for after weeks on weeks of the fight in with myself, she's become an addiction.
As I closed the freezer, I see a brochure from a garden just outside the city, some trashy place filled with botany.
I ripped it from the elf magnets, staring at it curiously and forcing myself not to have an idea from this. My demons telling me what a weak move this is yet I am considering it.
