Loving yourself is hard. Trying to find love in a family who objectified you? Seems like work. But try finding love in someone as a hopeless romantic too.
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Smart, nerdy, pretty, and kind are all the words she's gotten used to. Being a Junior in...
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We prospered like that. Living in his father's old home for the next month or two. As Danica said it was like we were a married couple only it was different. Yes, we have fun, yes we do things we couldn't do when we shared a place with someone else but as with any marriage, things started to become strange. Right after the new year, Matteo became significantly distant. He was quiet too like he always had something in his mind. When that happens I would stare at the painting he made of me and remind myself of us. What we had and what we are having.
When we came back to school he suddenly became sweet and gentle, too caring for the Matteo I knew. He tried to stay that way, preventing any potential arguments and just letting things go my way if it wasn't too big. At times I started to worry that he was becoming bored with our little thing going but then he would kiss me and reassure me that I was the only one.
Then, when I heard that my parents came back that's when we both became cautious. I moved back to the dorms thinking a surprise visit is imminent every time. I would cry sometimes and he would be there to catch me on my knees. Then he'd get angry at himself and drink. That's when we had another argument, another time when he promised he'd never do it again. We were a normal couple for that.
Jocelyn and Henry were the few parts of our lives that take a dip. Every time we see each other it's like the guessing game of who will snap first and I admit I do become nervous for Jocelyn and Matteo because they always had these looks in their eyes that tell me something is going on, only it's not what I thought. It was anger. Anger because she reminded him of all the wrong he did and he reminds her of the good thing she lost.
She never spoke to me and pretended like I didn't exist in the first place. I wasn't too mad about it, of course, I might say I was actually elated to drop the extra weight. Besides, without them ruining every other good thing I have I got the ability to focus on my studies. I'd receive a call from my parents now and then and I would tell them how good my grades have been. They became more tolerable after that, after all, that's all they ever really wanted. There was a time when I was in the shower and mother called. Matteo almost forgot we were trying to keep a secret and almost answered it. Thank God for my ringtone and I had stopped it.
We decided not to tell, mostly at the early stages since we both know what they'll be like.
"Do you ever think you'll ever tell them?" He asked once.
"They'll find out whether I do or not. I just want to make sure I'm ready when they do," I told him honestly while we lie in bed looking at the ceiling.
I never lied about that. The one thing that scares me the most right now— besides losing Matteo— is my parents finding out. I didn't know how they would react to finding out that their A* daughter ended up with some troubled Italian guy who smokes and drinks. I'd like to think that they'd be more understanding than I imagine but that would just be too good to be true.
