Free Minds Chained Hearts | ✔

Part 3 | Chapter 8

I was mad. So mad. But the reality is I was just mad.

When I came back to the dorms that day I was a mess. I had tear stains on my cheeks, my hair looks as though a squirrel had just pounced on it and my mind was an even messier place. It was only my luck then to find Henry coming out of the coffee shop. His eyes met mine and unsurprisingly noticed them bloodshot. I still remember how her eyes went all wide and crazy before h ran up to me. By them, I was even too tired to refuse his aid. He knew what happened and who was involved but I didn't bother explaining further.

At the time Henry was the last person I wanted to be with considering how things ended with us but I just couldn't push him away. I was too exhausted and fatigued. He tried pretending as if he didn't know what had happened but I knew he did. I saw the same aggression in his eyes the moment I defended Matteo. This time though, I didn't.

But after seven days of replaying the same movie, the same song, and reading the same book I started missing him too much to be mad anymore. Dream scapes of him were all I had every single night after the second day. Danica and Cade both tried to cheer me up but none of it worked. Either I'd end up crying or cursing his name. Coming to campus was even worse because I always expected to see him and when I don't it just became a plain sight reminder that I've lost him forever.

I started to regret the way I reacted and how I never come back. Now, I was just too damned cowardly to even try and call him. By now he must be drunk and reverted to his old self because that's what he usually does when things get a little tough.

The second day was the hardest though. I opened my journal and found his eyes staring right back at me. Their tender details reminded me of our tender times. Nostalgia became my enemy then, sentiment too. I wanted to rip out that page and throw it out the window—but I wasn't about to lose the last piece of him I have left. When I close my eyes it's like I could turn back time. Back to when I could've said yes to him, or when I could've stayed and settled something.

On the fifth day, I started getting better. I didn't cry the night before and I listened to a different playlist this time. Dani didn't have to bother staying with me like a babysitter even though she insisted. Then, I opened my files and found the song I wrote for him. Yet again, my heart shattered infinitely. I felt it in every part of my body, oh the way I missed him dearly. That night I listened to the song over and over again until I fell asleep. There I dreamt of a time when none of this had happened.

Now it was different. It's Friday and I've just gotten back from a long and exhausting day. It's pouring down hard out there and I watched from our window. I expected Danica to be home by now but considering that there was another party she had to be in, I doubted it.

I sighed and snuggled into my cardigan holding a cup of coffee that I had gotten myself before coming up. I sat on my bed on my computer and decided to do my homework.

This was one of my many coping mechanisms. I'd work and work until I had nothing left to work for. Distracting myself was the goal and this had always worked. It was much harder with this one since I was doing philosophy work and god knows what that means for me. I tried pushing the thoughts out of my mind. Those little notes he would send me to let me know he was working still managed to creep up. I'd sigh now and them pitiful to myself that I can't go for one minute without being stupidly distracted by him.

But there's nothing to be blamed for. We had the love of a lifetime— it felt like a dream. A cold-hearted man turned warm by the love of another. It was every other hopeless romantic's dream and I lived it. It was all because of him. He taught me that love isn't perfect like the way I perceived it through the movies and novels I've read. Love is full of flaws that act as glue sometimes in the act of resolution. With him, everything was free and wild. Everything was a surprise either good or bad. With him, I saw parts of me I never thought existed. It was like the life I had never existed and there was just...us.

But I lost him. With it was the new person I found. He took a part of me that I haven't even known for a while. I wonder if I did the same to him.

I wonder if he thought of calling me the way I thought of calling him. Did the painting of me remind him of the things we used to do? Did the shoes I leave make him miss me more the way his photos did me? Seven days were all it took for my mind to go in every direction and that's because it felt more like seven years.

We went from waking up to each other to nothing in just a day. It was devastating and I regretted the things I said maybe a little too much.

I gasped as my rushing thoughts were interrupted by three stern bangs on my door. Looking at it with wonder, I placed my coffee down on the table and rushed to the door.

I reached out to grab the knob but thought against it when I thought it could be Matteo.

"Who is it?" I said through the wooden door. Then suddenly my heart dropped at the response I got.

"It's us," my mother's delicate voice broke through. I panicked thinking about what I should do.

The many things I've done that defied their ground rules came rushing to my head and they felt heavy. My breathing was now ragged and when they knocked on the door again, I knew that there was no way of getting out of this.

So, with my hands trembling and tears threatening to spill out of my eyes, I grabbed the knob and carefully swung it open.

My mom was the one I saw first. She stood with her right tan pencil skirt paired with nude pumps and a silk shirt. Her hair was perfectly knotted into a clean bun and her nails were intricately manicured in red. Her arms were crossed and so was the look on her face.

Beside her was my dad who dressed casually this time in a polo shirt, sneakers, and jeans. I expected to see the usually transparent and funny expression he had but this time all I saw was seriousness.

They know something.

As I opened my mouth to say something,  I swallowed my tongue when my dad pushed the door wide open with me by it. I stumbled back a few steps and ended up tripping on my own foot. I winced and groaned as the sudden pain from my fall shot up through my body.

They both come in shutting the door close and that's when I knew.

I looked up at them like the lid they used to manipulate time and time again. The tables have turned back to me and I'm back that the start. I'm under their mercy and their eyes tell me that their intentions are even worse than ever before.

"Where is he huh?" My father almost yells and my eyes widened. I felt my heart in my throat and I could've sworn that the earth just takes me back and away from this explosion I was about to experience.

"W...what?" I stood up trying not to look weak stood before them.

Mother comes forwards and her hand makes contact with my skin. I felt it break like lighting and I step back, hitting the drawer.

"It was one thing hearing you were dating someone from the neighbors but it was another thing hearing the reason for it. They were shaming us you piece of shit!" my mother spat on my face and I look away from her as I fight off my tears.

I was not gonna cry in front of them again.

My mind swirled at the mention of those damned neighbors. I'm sure they didn't mean any harm but considering I know they were Henry's family, I can only assume that it came from him. Though I couldn't really tell if I was more upset about that or the fact that things are about to get so much worse.

"You are a disgusting slut you know?" My mom hissed and I look at her with a snarl. She notices and came to hit me again.

I prepared myself by closing eyes for I knew exactly how these things go. My dad just watched, huffing and puffing not seeming to be disturbed by the way I'm being treated.

Then...someone knocks.

"Hey I know you probably dont want to see me now but I really just need to talk to you one last time. Please?" The familiarity of an Italian accent never sounded so terrifying as my dad's gaze altered towards the door.