Loving yourself is hard. Trying to find love in a family who objectified you? Seems like work. But try finding love in someone as a hopeless romantic too.
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Smart, nerdy, pretty, and kind are all the words she's gotten used to. Being a Junior in...
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This house feels empty. Of course, it does.
My bags are packed by the front door. Staff is running around making sure I had everything I needed. They just came from the frat house to pick up everything I had left there. My clothes, my books, her book.
Alejandro was just outside talking to our contacts back home and I sat by the pool looking out. I'm not smoking or drinking, just thinking. It's cold today but not so much that it's unbearable. Not so much that it burned my skin the way it should. Not so much that it hurts like this.
I take a deep breath in watching as spring crept its way into my lungs. Closing my eyes and thinking I was in a different time.
It's been a week. Seven whole days. A week since she walked out those doors with not another word. I can still see her walking out if I turn my head quick enough. I could still hear her voice and smell her perfume like she is here— she just isn't. Holding back tears now became a habit. Regretting too became normality.
The day after I told Evie about everything I remember waking up on the kitchen counter. My head was pounding and it was only then that I found the few glasses drawers smashed open. In my hand was the pipe I used to destroy them. It was fixed the next day yet seeing what I did reminded me of who I used to be; a destructive force.
I tried to call her every day, messaged her about a hundred times but heard nothing from her line. Devastated, I turned to the wine cellar and looked for my next drink. Then, I walked by our room. Her things were still in there—not that there were many— but they were there. Her shoes were scattered on the floor and that dress she wore next to it. Her towel hung neatly on the closet door. She's always been the neat one.
Daring not to move anything as though it were sacred, I walked in and relived everything that happened in there. The kisses, the touching, the sweet nothings, and the I love you's. I found her blue coat hanging by the vanity chair, it still smelt like her. She lingered in that room and I knew I didn't want to lose the last piece of her that I have. So I didn't. Before I knew it, I fell asleep, dreaming of her gleaming eyes followed by her saddened once. Who am I kidding? She wasn't just sad, she was disappointed in me. Though, I wasn't surprised.
On the fourth day, we began packing. I had told the advisors that I accepted their proposals. Then by then, at least someone was happy. Alejandro came by again to make sure I was briefed yet not one of the things said did I listen to. My head swam in the thought of her. No one could've blamed me for that. I missed her; the woman I gave my heart to; my home.
From the sixth day to now, I've settled on the fact that she might never come back. Why would she if she were to lose me anyway? Even I wouldn't want to see her again just to add insult to injury. I got angry too knowing that if I had just told her earlier then perhaps we would've spent the last of our times together perfectly.
Now, she's just gone.
I sighed in acceptance and turned around only to find my brother stood, arms crossed and watching me. I roll my eyes and adjusted my turtleneck while I walked by him.
