Sovereign (Silenced Part 2)

Part 39

I jumped awake. The feeling of being ripped to pieces was fresh in mind I could almost still feel it and the panic that came with it made me want run screaming.

"Easy Leannan." Silas placing a gentle kiss on the hand that he held in both of his.

I blinked up at him in surprise before glancing around at the room we were in. I didn't recognize it but it looked like similar to Matthew's office back in the pack house.

'What happened? Where are we?' I asked.

"What do you remember?" He asked with a heavy sigh.

'Something went wrong with the spell.' I signed quickly looking away from Silas. I felt like an idiot for thinking it would go right in the first place. Nothing ever went right for me. I should've known better.

"Actually your spell worked perfectly. The problem was Blake..." Silas sighed again. "Ancient wolves are not two separate beings like werewolves. They are one soul with two forms. Which made it impossible for you to separate him from his other form... After your spell Blake took it upon himself to finish the job. Because you were still linked when he killed them you felt everything that they felt and though it did not cause the same physical damage it was still too much for your body."

'Why did he do that? He was one of them...' I signed confused.

Silas shook his head.

"As an ancient wolf Blake has certain duties that he upholds over all else. Duties to the king. And the council was trying to make sure the king would never be born..." Silas explained.

'So he killed them for treason...' I guessed letting my head drop back against the crisp white pillows behind me.

Silas nodded.

'So what happened to me? To you? You're pale and I'm...' I gestured to the very obvious doctor like room we were in.

This time it was Silas's eyes that dropped and he placed another lingering kiss on my hand.

"You started bleeding again." He said quietly.

My breath caught and my eyes started to burn but I blinked back the tears. I'd known this was coming form the second I'd found out. I'd known it was a risk since before I'd ever officially met Silas and still it was a risk I had taken.

'How bad?' I asked.

"They had to do a complete hysterectomy to stop the bleeding." He whispered.

I was torn between pain, relief, and guilt. It hurt to know that I would never be able to have children. That I would never be able to give Silas children. I was also relieved because now every could just fuck off and leave us alone. It was completely impossible for us to produce some king now. They would have to accept that. And of course I felt horribly guilty. I knew the chances were high and that it was extremely unlike I would actually be able to have a baby and because of that I'd pushed myself too hard. I couldn't help but feel like I had caused this and I'd been a terrible person for never having given myself a chance to succeed. Never giving us a chance to succeed.

I shifted uncomfortably in the bed as my body heated. My chest tightened and I shifted again hoping to find some kind of relief from the ache that was radiating out from the emptiness inside of me. Silas reached out and pulled me in to his arms. The warmth and comfort he offered pulled the tears from my eyes and I clung to him like the life the line he was.

"I'm so so sorry my love." He said against my hair.

I shook my head even as the tears continued. This wasn't his fault. If it was anyone's it was mine.

"There are still other ways. If you want this we will find a way. I promise." He said.

I shook my head again. I didn't want this. I didn't want to have a baby any more than he did. Not in this world. 

All I wanted was the baby we already had. 

I wanted our daughter back.

I couldn't even focus on the grief I was feeling because it felt tripled just by thinking about her.

'Amelia?' I signed pulling away from Silas and searching his face instantly for an answer I couldn't stand to wait for.

He nodded. It was a slow and sad nod which seemed a contradiction. He reached up and cupped my face. His thumbs swiping out across my cheeks to wipe the tears away.

"She's home."