CalPal

-6-

Chapter Six

[mentions of not eating right at beginning]

    I woke up this morning feeling fatigued, groggy, and like I hadn't slept at all despite being passed out for ten hours. In reality, I knew it was because I hadn't eaten in awhile. It's been about three months since the braces have gone on. So of course, it wasn't painful anymore. All's I've been able to keep down still was applesauce, smoothies, maybe two pieces of wheat toast at the most.

    Dream and I have become really close within the almost four months of knowing each other. To the point where I feel closer with him than my in real life friends. I think that's because he knows me on a personal level, but also knows my social media persona. It's like he's the only person that knows one-hundred percent of me and that unknowingly forced us to become close. I don't mind it though. He doesn't act the same as he does when he's streaming. I mean, there's similarities. But he gets really deep and serious. Then, he'll just make noises at the most random times. And don't even get me started on the amount of times this boy quotes Tik Tok. I think he needs an intervention. I've heard him quote "and you did this for what?" too many times for my own wellbeing.

    I'm on Christmas break now and the semester is officially over as of yesterday. All my grades came back as A's which I was really proud about. It's good that I've been able to balance streaming with school work. It makes me optimistic for the future.

    I glanced at my phone screen and saw plenty of notifications from Dream.

iMessage Chat
bitch boy

Salem

Cae

Cereal Box

Cuban Missile

Cuban Missile's a new one

Finally you answered. God damn, you slept forever.

sorry, I don't get this beautiful without my beauty sleep

I wanna see you!!

clay

literally let me drive up there

ok simp chill out

i don't know if im ready for that

    The truth is, I'd totally be down to meet Dream. If I'm being honest, the only thing holding me back was my braces. You know when people first get them on, their teeth are so crooked that they just don't look good, no matter how hard they try? Well, my teeth have already straightened to the point where I look okay in my braces. I'm definitely not ashamed of the way I look anymore.

    It's more-so the fact that I'm sure Dream is expecting this drop dead gorgeous girl and that's just not me. When have you ever seen a person on the cover of a magazine with braces on? There's this huge stigma around braces and just having them on—though I'm thankful to be able to finally afford them—makes me feel shittier if that makes sense. It makes sense in my head at least. I wanted the first time anyone saw me, even Dream, to be when my braces were off. That was when I was going to do my face reveal.

    I feel like if I allow Dream to drive up here to meet me, I'll have to tell him my entire backstory prior. Why I'm so anxious for him to see my face, why I'm just now fixing my teeth at twenty-one years old, why I hid my face in the first place. There's so much that goes into my very first face reveal, even more so that it'll probably be Dream.

    Suddenly, the Little Einsteins theme song blared through the room. I jumped and looked down at my phone to see Dream calling. Honestly I thought it was funny to set that as his ringtone. Fans kept tagging me in Dream Team clips and the jingle Dream sang "Illumina is shit" really got stuck in my head. I took it and ran.   

    "Hello?"

    "I'm sorry if I pushed a boundary. You weren't answering and I got nervous. I know how serious hiding everything is for you—"

[ED reference in next paragraph]

    "It's not that, Clay. I'd love to meet you, honestly. There's just so much that goes into revealing my face to you and it scares me," I wanted to compare it to when you don't eat for some time and the longer you hold it off, the more you don't want to eat, but I don't think he'd understand that reference. His head's too normal and non-corrupt for that, "I've held off showing anyone my face for over a year. So it's like the longer I hold it off, the more anxious I get about it. Honestly, I should just do it already and rip it off like a bandaid."

    "Hey, I get it. I didn't mean to open a can of worms. I've said this from the start. I never want to pressure you into doing something you're not ready for."

    "I—I know, and I appreciate that. So much."

    It fell silent between us as I thought more about it. I think Dream sensed that gears were turning in my head and allowed me some time. I should just get it over with. It's going to happen eventually. And I'll feel so much better having at least one person knowing what I look like. It'll ease my mind when I get to the bigger face reveal.

    "Okay, you know what? Give me your address."

    "Wait really?"

    I chuckled nervously, "Yes. I need a little vacation anyway and Florida's warm right now, is it not?"

    "I mean, it's quite cold. It's sixty-five degrees [18°C] right now—"

    "Shit, for real? Damn, you really are a pussy if you think that's cold."

    He laughed, "Shut up."

    "See you soon," I smirked, then hung up the phone before he could respond. Two minutes later, I got a text with a Florida address.

    Why do I do things so spontaneously? One time, I joined lacrosse in my freshman year of college completely on a whim. It'd break Dream's heart if I were to back out at this point. I know he'd let me, but I don't want to put bad vibes into the friendship. Should I preface everything before I see him, or do it in person? I mean I guess I don't have to preface anything.

    Why am I like this?