CalPal

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Chapter Thirty Nine

"Caelum," Clay sighed as he continued to pet my matted hair, "You haven't gotten out of bed in a week. I know it hurts but you need to get up."

I shook my head viciously. I've just been sleeping my days away. I haven't eaten in awhile either; I'm not sure I could even stand up at this point. Clay has basically stepped up and took on a role of being a sibling to Indi. She's doing much better than I am. She even called her therapist and Clay has been taking her to see them every two days. I don't know why I'm taking this so much harder than her. I wish I could handle this and learn how to cope like her.

"Can I at least brush your hair?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders and he left to go get a hairbrush from the bathroom I assume. My sister is still residing in my room.

When he came back in the room, he helped me sit up as I struggled to even do that. As he sat through brushing my hair, I realized that it was way more knotted than I ultimately assumed. I mean, I haven't brushed it since last week, so that's to be expected. Clay was able to detangle half of my head before we heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Clay called.

"Hey Clay—" Indi noticed that I was actually sitting up, "Hey puddles, how're you holding up?" I shrugged my shoulders and jerked my head back as Clay was trying to detangle the biggest snarl in the back of my head. Indi sighed, "Clay, what's for dinner?"

He gave her a warm smile, "I was thinking we let Caeli decide?"

She smiled, "I think that's a good idea. What do you want for dinner?" Indi looked at me.

"I'm not—" I started to say. My voice cracked and cut out.

"Nuh uh," she waved her finger at me, "I'm not hungry is not an option. You have until you finish getting ready to decide, okay?"

She left the room and I heard her footsteps against the stairs as, I assume, she went to the living room or kitchen. Clay kept telling me stories or about his day to get me to continue talking, "Indi's so similar to you, y'know. She doesn't hold back."

"She's relentlessly bullying you already?"

"Yeah, she's funny too."

"She's joking and laughing around with you?"

"Therapy must be working," he shrugged.

"I miss her, Clay," tears fell from my eyes, "She's the only family we had. I didn't spend as much time with her as I should've and now she's gone."

"I know you miss her and that's never going to change because you love her and she loves you. Right now, she's probably looking down yelling at you for not taking care of yourself. She doesn't want you to starve to death you know, which is the route you're taking. Indi won't have anyone if you die too, you know."

I lightly chuckled, "I mean, she doesn't really have me right now does she? I haven't left my room, done nothing but sleep. She seems to be doing fine without me."

"You and her just have different ways of healing. We were talking about it a few days ago and I don't know if, if this will help you, but she told me 'my mom's not coming back. As much as I want her back, I can't have her back. If she were here and I was killing myself over a loss, she'd slap me silly'. It's brutal, but it's true and that seemed to help her."

"Our mum always tried to change the light of death. She wanted us to see it as a more positive thing. Not like "oh my god yes they're dead", more-so, "they're just beginning a new chapter of their life". She worked in the medical field, saw a lot of people die. I think that's why," Clay began to talk, but I cut him off, "Indi's right though; Mum's right. She definitely wouldn't be happy with me right now."