No Longer a Monster | Chenji

Chapter 14:

As Jaemin had finally calmed down from his aggressive outburst, Chenle made his way to the guest room since he knew that it'll be a way back home. Of course, Jisung, Chenle, and Beomgyu planned to sleep in Jisung's room but because of the sudden situation from Jaemin, they had to push some of the plans back. The three of them were willing to guard Jaemin all right long but Jaemin didn't want them to do that.

Which led them to find Jaemin more "unusual".

"But then you'll have to sleep alone at such a state-"
"I'll be fine. It's better to be alone... for me."

Jaemin? Alone? That's not very much of a "Jaemin" thing to do. Chenle found it very odd that he even thought of breaking into Mark and Haechan's bedroom just so he could tell them that Jaemin is acting a bit "odd". Although he really wouldn't do that right now, there's a chance he might do that someday.

That night, Jisung was the only one who couldn't sleep well. He was sleeping already but his dream was a bit different once again. Although that same familiar man was still there to guide him.

"So you're dreaming... again?"
"Probably? I mean, I always see you in my dreams."

Jisung replies as Yuta returns him a smile. Suddenly, a bright ray of light expands in front of Jisung's eyes as he later finds himself in a very colorful and vibrant forest. Yuta came with Jisung as he didn't want him to feel very alone in the middle of a forest during a mind-boggling mission.

But what is his purpose anyway?

"Where am I?"
"You're in the land of you."
"... What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, this is you as a whole."
"... Isn't the dark place also me?"
"That's your current state, Jisung. This is who you are as a whole. Your past and present personalities being combined and merged into one. That means your most gruesome past is here, too."
"... Then, what's my purpose here?"
"Your purpose here is to remember everything that has turned you into who you are now. The question is... who are you?"

Yuta asks, causing the younger one speechless as Jisung couldn't even think of an answer. Jisung realizes that he doesn't even know who he really is, also realizing that he's going to have a difficult time in solving this "mission". He then started to wonder if this was really just a dream or a wake-up call from whatever dimension.

"... So is this a dream or?"
"It depends on what you think it is, Jisung. Just remember that whenever you're starting to change, this place is going to start changing, too."

Yuta reminds him as he opens up the umbrella that he's been holding for a while, putting it above Jisung's head. The two of them started to walk around the forest as they both noticed a river of... blood. Jisung was extremely terrified of what he had just seen.

The moments of him killing a lot of his servants were shown through the big mirror placed in the middle of the bloody river.

"Now, don't cover your eyes. You have to remember that-"
"But why?! It's horrible! It's inhumane! Please, Yuta. It's so bad! I can't handle this!-"
"You have to listen to me, Jisung. You can handle it. Just because you're looking at something horrifying, it doesn't mean that you can't handle it."

Yuta encourages him as he forces Jisung to watch all of the gruesome acts he has done in the past. Jisung felt nauseous and disgusted with everything he witnessed as he even saw his past self enjoying the "work" he did to the poor servants. The moment he saw himself tormenting and abusing his brother's husband was also the moment he felt like vomiting.

He doesn't want to see himself do any of the things he did once again.

"Make it stop!"
"You have to endure this, Jisung. It is for you to become stronger. It is for you to fully escape the feeling of being a monster-"
"And how does this help?! How does this help me escape from feeling like a monster?!"
"... I'm afraid that I cannot answer that for now, Jisung. The process is not yet fully finished. You will understand that after our journey in your thoughts."
"Aren't you 'my thoughts'?!"
"Only the current, blank ones."