Problems of adults

Chapter 21 : Visit

The next day was hard. Lucas was still shaken up by the day before. Just knowing that someone tried to kill him and his friends for nothing was making him feel sick. It was the afternoon, and he was still in his bed, hiding under his blanket. It was the only place where he was feeling safe. No one could hurt him in there. His parents tried to reassure him, but he refused to talk to them, preferring staying alone to not let them see how ashamed and sad he was. But in the middle of the afternoon, he heard knocks on the door. As he did before, he ignored them, but the door still opened, and someone entered.

- "Sinclair? Are you here?"

He recognized this voice; it was his girlfriend's. He didn't want her to see him like that, completely pathetic, hiding like a baby. He took his courage in both hands and got out of the blanket. He met Gabrielle's eyes but quickly looked away. He grabbed a tee-shirt, put it on before standing to close his door.

- "Why are you here?" he asked, a bit upset.

- "Troy told me for yesterday. I was wondering how you were."

- "I'm fine. Leave now."

- "No, you're not fine, and I'm not going anywhere."

Lucas sighed. Gabrielle had always been stubborn, it was one of the main reasons he loved her, but now, it was getting on his nerves.

- "You shouldn't be with me."

- "But, I want to," Gabrielle said, not understanding.

- "Who would want to be with someone like me!? People could kill you just because you date a shit face like me!"

- "Don't ever call yourself like that again, Sinclair."

- "Why not!? Everybody is calling me like that anyway!"

- "That's not true! I'm not! None of your friends are!"

- "For now."

Gabrielle sighed, broken to hear that. She rubbed her face, not really knowing what to tell to make him feel better. She sat on his bed and invited him to do the same, but he refused.

- "I won't let you down," Gabrielle said.

- "You should. I don't want you to have problems because of me!"

- "I won't have problems because of you! They are the problem, not you!"

- "I don't care! They punched Troy yesterday because he was defending me, and they didn't hesitate to shoot at Jane just to reach me! They could have been killed just because they were protecting me!"

- "And then what!? If they took the risk, it's because they care about you! And you know I would do the same for you!"

- "Exactly! That's why we need to stop seeing each other."

- "So, that's it? You're gonna hide all your life. Then, they are winning," Gabrielle stated.

- "I'm not here to win. I just wanna live."

- "Look, I understand that you're scar—"

- "NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Lucas got angry. "You're not black, no one is calling you shit face, slave, or nigga when you just walk in the street! People don't stare at you because they think you will assault them for an unknown reason! Cops don't ask you for your papers every time they see you in the streets, some even not completely believing the papers are real! You don't get beat up by bullies at school for just existing! They don't think you're a gangster because all black people look the same for them! And nobody shot you and your friends because you were playing basketball with your friends!"

Gabrielle had never seen him like that before. He was angry, but most especially terrified. What he just told her seemed to be his everyday life. She didn't insist. Nothing could make him feel better. She stood, tried to smile to him, and left. She stopped at the door to say:

- "I'm not done with you, Sinclair. It's not a break-up."

She gently closed the door and went downstairs. She saw his parents at the kitchen table, both staring into space. The mother noticed her and smiled the best she could.

- "Don't be mad at him," the woman said.

- "I'm not mad at him. I'm mad at all those racists assholes who are breaking him," the young girl replied.

The woman nodded.

- "Thank you for coming."

- "No problem. He would have done the same thing for me."

Gabrielle pinched her lips together to say goodbye and left the house. She really wanted him to understand that he wasn't alone in this, but maybe he was feeling alone because none of his friends were living the same thing as him. She wished all of this would stop and that he would feel better, but she wasn't optimistic.