Two Existentialists | S.R.

34

I apologize in advance.

-

You woke up to five missed calls from Spencer. You worriedly called him back. "Hello?" came a female's voice, one that sounded familiar.

"Hi! Is Spencer there?"

"Y/N! It's JJ. Spence is currently sleeping but I'll let him know you called." She said softly. You sat up in bed, confused.

"JJ, what happened?" You asked.

"Emily, uh, Emily died last night. Spencer is really torn up, we all are," JJ said, her voice shaking.

"Oh god JJ I'm so sorry. Don't tell him I called. I'll be in DC in a few hours," you said quickly. "Thank you for being there for him JJ. You're a good friend."

"Of course dear. I'll send Will to pick you up," she said, hanging up. You frowned, shoving things in your bag. How could Emily be gone?

4 hours later you landed in DC, finding Will outside. "How are they doing?"

"JJ's managing for the sake of Henry, but Spencer's lost it completely. He's been a mess all night, it's a good thing you're here," Will explained. You nodded, getting into the car.

He drove for twenty minutes, pulling up to a pretty house with a white picket fence. It made so much sense for him and JJ. You got out, thanking him for picking you up and knocked on the door. You heard voices inside, Spencer saying he'd get it. He opened the door, his hair a mess and his clothes rumpled, his eyes very red. You immediately pulled him into your arms, rubbing his back as you stood in the doorway. He came undone in your arms, his tears starting again.**

"Y/N," he muttered between tears. "She's gone. How can she be gone?"

"I'm so sorry Spencer, I'm so sorry."

"I didn't even get to say goodbye," he continued. You sighed, tears beginning to form in your eyes. You didn't know her that well but she was the life of the party. She was a good soul.

"Shhh, it's ok Spence, let it out. Do you want to go home?" You asked, cupping his face. "Let's go home and get you into a clean pair of clothes."

Spencer nodded and pulled away, grabbing his jacket and phone. You called a taxi, seeing as JJ had brought him home with her last night. Ten minutes later, you were at Spencer's apartment.

You managed to get him up the stairs and into the apartment before his tears started again. "Spence, baby, cry all you need to. Just know I'm here for you. I'm always here for you," you said softly, holding him in your arms. Your phone rang and you cursed under your breath. "Hello?" You whispered, trying not to bother Spencer.

"Miss Y/L/N, you are late," came the voice of your research mentor. You pinched the bridge of your nose, sighing lightly.

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry, there's been a death in my, uh, family and I flew out early this morning," you said. Spencer looked up at you worriedly. You shook your head, your hands rubbing his back soothingly.

"I am so sorry to hear that. Take the week off, but, and I'm sorry to do this, I will need proof of death," she said. You sighed, understanding the protocol.

"Yes of course. Thank you for your understanding," you said before turning off your phone.

"I didn't mean to get you in trouble," Spencer whispered, burying his face into your chest.

"You didn't," you answered softly. "You needed me and I'd never, ever, put anything before you Spence," you said, standing up.

He looked up and nodded. "Don't leave me like Emily did, please," he whispered, causing your heart to shatter.

"I'm not leaving," you reassured him, tracing his cheekbone with your fingers. "How does a shower sound?"

Spencer nodded and got up, holding your hand tightly. You walked into the bathroom and turned on the water, turning and undoing his tie. You moved to walk out of the bathroom but Spencer grabbed you. "Stay," he whispered. You nodded, taking off your clothes and stepping into the water with him.

"Spence, I'm here for you, for anything you need," you whispered, hugging him. He nodded and held you, water falling over your bodies.

"Can we have shower sex?" He asked quietly. You looked at him with your eyes wide as he held your waist.

"Spencer, I don't think that's the best idea in your current emotional state," you countered.

"I need a distraction and you're the best one out there. Please."

You nodded, biting your lip. "Whatever you need," you whispered, letting Spencer do with you what he needed. He held you tightly, your legs wrapped around his waist, slamming you against the wall, his hands leaving bruises on your body.

His hands wrapped around your throat, you gasping for air. "Spencer," you panted, your head resting against the cold shower tile. "Oh god Spencer, don't stop."

"You like that? Of course you do. You're so predictable," he muttered, speeding up. You closed your eyes, the pain and the pleasure hitting you at once. "So beautiful, so perfect. You're mine, all mine," he continued, holding you up. You moaned as Spencer stopped, finally being able to breathe again. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, breathing deeply as placed your feet back on the floor.

Neither of you moved for a few minutes, until Spencer let go of you and walked out of the bathroom. You were confused, what happened? You grabbed a towel as you followed him to his room, sitting down on the bed next to him. "Spencer?" You whispered.

"I'm the worst," he muttered, beginning to cry again. You looked at him sadly, moving to sit in his lap.

"Hey, mr. genius, what's wrong? Was that not good for you?"

"Me! You're worried about me? I basically just used you to make myself feel better and you're worried about me?"

You frowned, cupping his face. "Don't you dare act like I didn't say yes. That was fully consensual. I'm yours, Spencer, for whatever you need. And, if you need to feel like you're in control, I'm here for that. If you just need someone to cry to, I can do that too. I love you. Whatever you need," you explained gently, kissing his forehead.

He looked at you and kissed you sweetly, one hand resting on your thigh, the other tracing your collarbone. "I love you. I'm sorry if I was rough, I lost control."

"You were fine, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle," you whispered. Spencer nodded and hugged you. "Now, how about if we change into some pajamas and stay in bed all day. You've been through a lot, let's just relax."

Spencer nodded and stood up, lifting you into his arms. He put you down and rifled through his drawers, pulling on some sweatpants and a t-shirt before handing you a t-shirt. He sank into his bed, opening his arms for you. "Thank you for coming," he whispered. You scrambled into his arms, nodding as you kissed his nose.

"I'd come find you even if the world was burning down."

Spencer began to cry again, kissing your forehead. "I love you. Please don't leave me. Never leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere Spence," you whispered, wiping away his tears. "I'm the luckiest girl in the world."

"These are happy tears," Spencer muttered. You smiled, kissing him lightly, snuggling into him.