Authors POV
She crumbles to the floor. The thoughts of the past taking over, the thoughts of when she found out about Ashley, every pain she went through with him. She thought this time was different, obviously she was wrong. She must of been, right?
Flashback (in Cheryls POV)
I hadnt eaten in days. I couldnt get the thoughts out of my head. My one true love. The guy i had vowed to spend the rest of my life with had been with other girls, slept with them, sent them pictures of himself half naked.
He swore blind it never happened, said that he knew he could never do it again, not after last time. Not after i had let him go, he swore. But they knew about his tattoo, they knew that he smoked and only i knew that. I was with him when he got that tattoo, in the hidden place. He said he got it there so he was never found out, said his manager at the time prefered him to not get noticeable ones, especially when his image was already so tanted but it turns out that was his giveaway. That was the one thing that made all this true, everything.
The smell of newspaper filled my nose and i suddenly felt the need to be sick. I couldn't stand it, everything. The whole world knew and i couldnt hide that, i couldnt go out because my house was surrounded, theyd follow me everywhere and every night without fail i would crumble and cry myself to sleep on the stairs only to awaken half an hour later and feel the pain all over again but i couldnt sleep, not properly anyway. Especially not in THAT bed. The bed we once shared, as a married couple, what i thought was happily in love, but how wrong was i.
The night i had found out i had punched him in the chest numerous times, shouted at him. Hoping that somehow he would do something back, try and find a way to make them all seem like lies but he didnt. He stayed quiet, he let me do whatever i want, he let me fall asleep crying into my pillow. He did nothing and that just made everything all so real.
I take the paper in my hands, skimming my eyes over the articles. No matter how much i hated them i couldnt stop reading them, something in me was making me, hoping there was a flaw somewhere and that it was all just a set up. Im mad for him, hes my world and i dont know how im going to be able to cope without him. Its hard, so hard already and its only been a week. I loved him so much, i love him so much but i know its not good for me, i know i need to move on. im too weak to be on my own, im too weak for anything anymore. How do i look up from this, how do i stop my depression from overtaking me because right now i want it to swallow me up and take me away, i want it to take me somewhere pain wasnt a problem. I wish i could go but i know i cant and i know some people may think thats a stupid thing to say over a guy but i get so into my relationships and slowly im realising that i loved him but he never felt the same. The love i thought i saw in his eyes wasnt love, it was lust. And they are two very different things.
It was all happening again and she wasnt sure how to cope, she wasnt sure how she was meant to find her way out of this one. She thought all those years ago she was in love with Ashley but that was nothing compared to the love she felt for JB. It overtook her every thought and she had been so happy during the day, so happy because she knew that she would be going home to him but apparently that didnt matter, he had other plans, somewhere else with another woman that wasnt her.
- Can i stay round yours? -
She sent a text to the one person that was always there. The one person that was with her throughout everything that happened with Ashley, the one person she could always turn too. Simon.
Of course they had their rough patch but she could never doubt that he was always there for her, that he always looked after her and after all the events of today she couldnt face JB. She couldnt face the possibility of what the next conversation will hold. She just needed to get away, needed time to think.
- Why? Whats happened? -
- Ill explain when i get there, so can i? -
- You know you're always welcome round here -
- Thank you -
The grown up idea would of been to stay at home and front it out but the possible answers that she could get scared her. She didnt want to go through heart ache again. She didnt want to feel pain like that again.
Gone to Simons for the night
She knows she shouldnt of left him any explainatoin but at the end of the day she still loved him and the idea of him worrying out of his mind made her feel a slight twinge of guilt but this was for the best she knew that. Maybe not for him but for her it was.
Cheryls POV
The whole way to Simons i couldnt stop the thoughts going through my head. Why would he do this to me? I loved him with all my heart, every inch of it. It was like a love i have never experienced before. I couldnt explain it but i was in so deep. Everything hurt, even my bones. I couldnt cry. I was in that much pain i couldnt cry.
Our first date was amazing, the way he looked at me, the way he'd protectively held his arm around me, everything. I loved it. He made me feel safe and i knew straight away that he was the one for me. The moment we sat down at the table and his eyes didnt once leave me i thought i had made the right choice. I mean at the time i wasnt looking for a relationship but that felt so right. Maybe we went too fast? Is that why hes always gone? Maybe its my fault?
I drive through Simons gate realising hes already at his front door, waiting for me.
"Come on sweetheart ive made you a hot drink. Its freezing out here"
"Thank you" My voice is weak, the tears are there but i cant let them through, im in too much pain. Over the point of tears. He hands me my drink, walking around and sitting on the opposite sofa, saying nothing. Thats what i love about Simon, he doesnt push me, he lets me tell him in my own time, he gives me space. "I think hes cheating on me" I try to make my voice sound strong but despite my best effort it comes out as a mere whisper.
"What brings this on" I can see it in his eyes, the sadness and i hate it. I hate how someone else feels emotion towards my life, how it effects someone more then me but i dont say anything, i dont have the strength. Everything is just numb.
"I was worried as to where he got to as he didnt text me back. I thought something had happened. I was so scared so i went through his pockets, only to try to find out of his whereabouts but i found reciepts look" I shove all the reciepts i found in his hand "One of them is for a rings. He got it when he told me he was at the restraurant" I watch him as he flicks through the reciepts, his eyes going wide at everyone he opens
"Are the roses for you"
"The what"
"Theres a reciept here for roses" I cant hold it anymore. I crumble. Tears stream down my face as the reality sets in and it hurts, so bad. I feel simon pull me close and i dont pull away
"Why would he Simon, why does everyone"
"I dont know Darling"
"Whats wrong with me am i not good enough?" I cant stop the thoughts i mean it must be me? Why would it keep happening to me if i wasnt to blame? The thing that hurts the most is he knew the personal reason to why roses were so close to my heart, as to why they were everywhere i go. Ive only told him the true significance behind them and hes gone and given them to someone else. Hes gone and took that trust i had in him and blown it.
I can feel my heart aching, i can feel pain shooting through my body and my blood stream heating up. I can feel my bones cracking slightly under the pressure of the sadness. I can feel my eyeballs stinging from all the tears ive cried, yet i still cry more.
My arms hurt from how tight i have them wrapped around myself, my legs feel weak every time i go to stand. Ive been laying in this room for god knows how long only leaving to get changed but the darkness sucked me in. Im laying in the middle of the room, curled in a ball with only my arms for comfort.
You never really know how much someone means to you until the thought of losing them comes into reality. Im aching, not from my muscles but from my heart. I dont want this to be reality. I want this to be a dream. I dont want to lose him but i dont want to be taken for a mug again. I love him, god i love him but every fibre in my bones hates him.
