Flashback in JBs POV
I never got to tell my mother about her. About her gorgeous brown eyes, her curly barely there hair, her little fingers no longer then a pin. It was love. I felt love. But that was soon taken away. She had to take her, my girlfriend. I thought she was in love with me but i couldnt of been more wrong and now shes took the ounce of happiness i had left. The one thing that made me want to keep living. I couldnt face anything anymore, it brought all those memories back. Those bad memories, when seventeen year old me would hide in a corner crying my eyes out for days on end.13 years have passed and i still feel the pain everyday and now shes took her away from me, the pain is back but even worse.
I just wanted to hold her, to feel every inch of joy that everyone else feels when this happens, the joy that makes you want to scream from the rooftops that this is something you had a part in, something you created. God she was so beautiful, like a masterpiece. I couldnt believe it when i saw her, she was mine.
Was.
Words these days can have such strong meanings. Meanings that can be switched and changed, meanings that never stay the same for too long and i wish i could change it, for the better. I wish i could say 'was' is a healed wound that just needed time but 4 months later and theres still a gap, shes still not there. 'Was' will always be an open wound, a wound no one can close. It was like a blackhole in my life, no matter what solution people think would work it wouldnt go away, not entirely and it pained me when the subject came up, when the question was asked so i always said no. What else was i meant to say? I wasnt a bad person, i didnt cause this. She did. The women who made me fall in love with her and then take her and my money away from me. She could have my money, she could have it all. My happiness came from that one other thing she took away from me, my happiness came from my baby.
Its strange i know.
A baby girl.
My baby girl.
It was like life was complete when she came into the world, like the harsh life i lived was worth it. I lived for the love in her eyes, the glimmer of hope that was right there in the palm of my hands. I felt on top of the world, like no one could mess with me. I was willing to give everything up for her, to stay at home, to stop this all. But she was taken away from me.
Four days. Thats right FOUR. I fell in love with her, her beauty, her fingers, her personality. I fell completely in love with the little girl i helped create and within a couple of hours she was gone. Have you ever felt that? Remember that last papercut you got? The one that was right on the awkward place of your finger, the one that brought tears to your eyes because it hurt 'like a fucker' imagine that on your heart. On every single vain, every single blood cell in your body. Imagine it making its way from top to bottom, from every single hair on your head to the very tips of the nails on your toes. Second by second. I've had that for four months.
My gorgeous baby girl. All i have left of her is her name tag, the name tag i so happily ripped off the moment she stepped through those doors, the moment i felt like she was mine. She never was. Her evil mother had been planning this the whole time. Making me fall in love only to take her away from me. I couldnt believe it at first. I read this in a story once, was the first thought to enter my mind, she'll come back soon with her. Stories are just fantasies, something someone writes to entertain their readers and its bizarre because you read a book and you see yourself in a similar situation and you think its all going to pan out, you think well this happened to them so why not me? We rely so much on the ideas we get from stories that sometimes we lose something we could of got back if we didnt just wait.
I shouldn't have waited, i should have gone straight out to find them but a whole week i waited, a whole week i slept in the rocking chair hoping to be awoken by the cries of my beautiful baby but i never was. I never saw the windows open with her surprisingly back in her cot. I never got woken up by the shouts of that evil woman saying that the baby needed something. Never
Four whole horrible months.
My dad keeps telling me to move on, telling me that she was a mistake in my life and i should just forget her. She was never a mistake. She was my life. Its scary how quick you can fall in love with someone. It took me mere seconds from when i first saw her to fall in love and it can never be broken. He puts thoughts in my head, telling me i should of known what her mother was up to this whole time but how could i? How do you know what peoples intentions are with you? But at least i do know one things for sure, one day i will find her, one day i will be able to feel one hundred percent complete and one day i will be able to wake up everyday to the beautiful face ive always wanted to wake up too.
My baby.
