The Chosen One For Me - Draco Malfoy

7. High Five

Draco Malfoy:

Shit. When she closed the door and left the room I just kept staring at the door. Hoping that she would come back. That was chemistry, no doubt. I've never felt this way before. I've never kissed a girl after sex, I have always felt regret. I didn't feel regret now, but I know I should.

Since my father, Lucius Malfoy, was a death eater, I feared that I would become one too. I fared the dark mark. I had been hoping for it at some point but that was only because I wanted to be the chosen one. I wanted to be someone, but to be honest, I was always scared. Scared of the dark mark, scared of death eaters, scared of Voldemort and I was scared of my own father. My own bloody father.

He destroyed me, I was never good enough, he had never shown me any affection. My mother, Narcissa, she was kind and warmhearted, I knew she was, but not when he was around. I believe that she's scared of him too. And she feared for my future. I hated being home, I usually followed Blaise or Carlin home to their families during breaks but sometimes I needed to get home. I needed to look after my mother. And also, I needed to pretend that I wasn't scared of my father, that I didn't fear becoming a death eater. He would destroy me if he knew.

When I started my third year at Hogwarts, my father warned me, he warned me about girls. He warned me about love. He said that a Malfoy could never find real love, when the time has come, he could find someone to mate with. That was the word he used, mate. He didn't want me to find love, he didn't want me to find someone to care for. He said it would make me weak, vulnerable, and a Malfoy couldn't be weak or vulnerable. That was how I was raised, knowing that he did not love my mother, knowing that I was not supposed to find love.

When Rebecca left I couldn't think straight. I really cared for her. She was beautiful, she was kind and she cared for me. I could feel it, I could feel it when she was touching me, she really did care for me. She didn't want me because of my reputation, like Pansy or the other girls. She wanted me, the real me. 

But how am I supposed to give myself to someone when I am not destined to do that? How can she care for me? I've been mean my whole life, I've been pushing people away my whole life. Not even Carlin or Blaise truly knew me. They knew me as a coldhearted guy who was fun to be around. I'm not sure if they even cared for me? But I have known them for almost all my life, if they don't even care, how can Sullivan?

I was interrupted by Carlin as he opened the door, he looked happy. 

"Hey, where were you?" Carlin asked. 

"Er, what?" I responded. 

"Blaise and I came here to pick up some alcohol for tonight and we thought you would be here? We looked in the common room and even went to the Great Hall looking for you." 

Well, I was here.

"I was here. I heard you guys coming," I said smirked.

"What did you do Draco?"

I got warm thinking about what I did, I fucked Rebecca, that's what I did. It was amazing, it was the best feeling ever. Can I really tell Carlin this?

"I was in the bathroom," I responded flatly, not wanting to tell him, he didn't deserve to know, Rebecca might not want him to know. 

"Oh, didn't think about that. Are you ready to go to the girls? I am really into Sam, actually. I think I'm starting to catch feelings. I mean, you can't blame me, can you? She is so beautiful... And I know that you probably don't want to hear this but she gives the best fucking blowjobs." 

Disgusting. Carlin wasn't shy, he often talked about sex and I never wanted to hear it.

"Well, I am happy for you Carlin. I am happy that you and your small dick is satisfied with this young lady," I said with a smirk.