Truth or Dare (boyxboy)

Chapter 27 - Possibilities

"What do you think would make you happy?" asked Spizzo after some reflection on Jacob's question. While his own response to the question had been quite vague and sort of half-hearted, his ex-best friend had answered it with almost absolute certainty. From his own mouth, Jacob had said that he was not happy with his life at all.

At all.

It made Spizzo a bit sad to hear, even if he knew that he was part of the problem. He certainly hadn't given Jacob anything to be happy about in the last four years, maybe even before they truly stopped being friends. Spizzo hadn't been the best then either.

Jacob said as such, telling the other teen, "well, I can't wait for the hell of high school to be over. Once I'm out of there and away from people like you, my life will be a heaps fucking better. I'm sure of it."

"I don't blame you," Spizzo replied, knowing there was nothing he could say to the contrary. "Do you think coming out will make you happier? Y'know, living your true self and all of that."

"What, 'It Gets Better'?" Jacob snorted, a bit dismissive to the question.

The other teen shrugged, not seeing why Jacob was so turned off by it. "Not having to hide yourself would be freeing though, no?"

"I mean, being gay hasn't really done me any favours so far," was Jacob's retort, thinking about the failure that was sleeping with someone who ended up being his future teacher. Also, considering the bullying he got for the mere assumption that he was gay, lord knew what it would be like if he actually confirmed it. "I'd be eaten alive if I came out in high school."

"Yeah but like you said, once you're out of there and away from people like me," Spizzo argued, turning it back around on Jacob. He didn't know If any of this was right, as a straight guy he'd never have to go through something like this, but from what he knew from seeing some stories online, being out was better than staying in. "Once you're at uni or whatever."

Jacob pondered it for a moment. It was a thought he'd had but the horror of high school was at such a forefront in his mind, it was difficult for him to look past that. He knew it wasn't as bad as he was making it out to be, that didn't stop him from feeling like it was the end of the world.

But it wasn't even the end of the world. Jacob knew of several people in the years ahead of them who'd come out after they'd left high school. From what he'd seen on Facebook, they were all living their best life, out and proud. For some reason though, it still felt like some sort of fantasy for Jacob, like he'd never experience that for himself.

"I guess it is a possibility," Jacob conceded after giving it some thought.

"Well I hope it all works out for you," Spizzo added in return, sincere in his wishes. As the night progressed and the more he and Jacob reconnected, the more he regretted what he'd done to his best friend all those years ago. "You deserve to be happy."

"Yeah, I do," the other teen muttered quietly to himself.

The two teens fell back into a silence, both in their own worlds as they thought about what they'd been discussing. While Jacob began to open his mind to the possibilities of actually coming out and being happy, Spizzo thought about their friendship and where it was headed after tonight.

"I know we've had a pretty terrible four years and I've been a complete asshole the whole time," Spizzo began to say, deciding to voice his thoughts. "But what do you think will happen after tonight?"

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked, a bit blindsided by the change in conversation.

"Like, with us," the other teen shrugged, now feeling a bit anxious over the question. Part of him wondered if that was even worth asking or if he was just an idiot. "Will we see each other again after tonight or is that it?"

"I don't know, James," Jacob sighed, feeling a bit lost himself. The night had come along to the board game they'd been playing with each other over the last four years and rattled it, shaking pieces all over the place and giving Jacob little sense of where anything stood. But even if the pieces had now changed, the game was still the same. "One night isn't gonna rewrite the last four years."

Spizzo nodded, considering Jacob's words. "I'd like to try being friends again," he said, feeling compelled to be honest with his ex-best friend. At some point, if they were to try, Spizzo hoped that they'd be able to drop the ex, and just be best friends again.

But he also knew that Jacob would need to be the much bigger man to forgive Spizzo for what he'd done.

"We'll see," was all Jacob said in return. As much as Jacob would've liked it, he knew not to get his hopes up. From his experience, people rarely changed, and the Spizzo he'd been with tonight was not going to be the Spizzo he'd run into tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that.

In all honesty, he shouldn't even be wanting to be friends with Spizzo again. He should respect himself enough not to put himself in that position. He should know that Spizzo doesn't deserve to be be his friend again. He should know that he doesn't always have to be "the bigger man" and accept anything less.

But shoulds aren't always woulds.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A/N: Hi friends! I know Jacob's way of seeing his sexuality may seem a bit odd in our 2020 world (from a 'Westernised' perspective), especially with the progress in LGBT+ acceptance that the community has made in the last decade, but seeing as this is based in 2012, it was a different time then — from my experience anyway. This was how it was for me and my other LGBT+ friends in high school at this time. The one person who tried to come out was bullied relentlessly into leaving and it pushed us all into the closet until we graduated. 

I hope it's better for everyone in high school now and I hope it gets better for those in the world still struggling. It's a cliche but it does get better — and I truly am all ears for you until it does. My inbox is always open. Much love to you all xx