addiction - draco malfoy

twenty five

much to my annoyance, the man didn't visit me in my dreams that night, and my prickly mood carried over into the next day.

during second period another emergency assembly was called, and a kind of apprehensive tension hung in the air. they were going to announce who the body belonged too. i thought it was weird, that it had taken them a few days to figure it out. surely somebody would have noticed either their friend or student missing and reported it. sure they couldn't confirm it was them until they had evidence of it, but it was still odd to me they had no leads. we piled into the assembly, and this time i took great comfort in the fact i could watch all of the people close to me from where i was standing, including draco.

once again though, dumbledore surprised me.

'i am saddened to announce that another body had been found, once again on the outskirts of the school grounds. the body was, again, unidentifiable - for the same reasons. we are again urging you to never go anywhere alone, stay vigilant and report anything you see to a trusted member of staff'. i froze. did he just say another one. for once, it was lily who maintained a relatively calm expression, emma looked frantic. i laced my fingers through hers, hoping to calm her down and she gave them a grateful squeeze.

i was too sober for this today, and i wanted nothing more than to just lose myself in the familiar buzz. i knew i couldn't though, someone had to be there for emma, and lily was too unreliable to come through with that. i put my other hand firmly on her shoulder, guiding her through the crowds back to the dorms. i asked lily if she was coming, but she'd only shrugged distractedly. it was in typical lily nature to want to hang around and get the gossip first hand, so i didn't push it.

we made it back to the dorms and i tucked emma under the covers. classes had been cancelled for the rest of the day so we could 'reflect and grieve'. it was difficult to grieve for someone we didn't know the identity of, but i was certainly doing a lot of reflecting. i eventually came to the conclusion of this reflection period, deciding that if i'd managed to visit draco in the dream, i could probably visit the man too. of course, then i'd had the aid of alcohol and the sheer panic of thinking draco was dead to fuel the power, but i was pretty determined.

it was about an hour before anything happened and i laughed out loud in triumph when i realised i was sat in the seat opposite him, the countryside spilling out around us. 'what?' he asked bemused.
'i created a dream' i exclaimed 'and i'm sober'. he shook his head knowingly. 'no' he told me 'this is my dream. see? my surroundings'.
'it's not' i said adamant 'it's mine'. he raised an eyebrow at me, snapping his fingers and changing the landscape instantly. i swore furiously and this time it was he who laughed. 'not quite yet elizabeth. you've got a long way to go, especially since your sober'.

'what's your name?' i asked, remembering to ask it before he managed to get me sidetracked. i expected some kind of question dodging like normal but instead he leant back in his chair. 'aaah' he said at last 'i was wondering how long it would take you to ask that'. he grinned 'my name elizabeth, is peter rollins'.
i paused. 'but that's my last name and-' i stopped. he shared none of my features, but he had the exact same piercing blue eyes as my father. how had i never noticed it before?

because your stupid.

shut up. you didn't notice either.

'are you talking to the voices?' peter asked after a moment. 'how do you know about that?' i demanded. 'it's a side effect of spirit' he said wisely 'not many people have spirit anymore, we're a dying breed. do you know why were a dying breed elizabeth?' i shook my head. 'because it drives you so crazy, that most people who possess it choose not to have children. or, in the some cases, the constant substance use needed to tap into spirits kills you first'. he shrugged. 'those are the lucky ones. the worst ones are the ones who go insane. the spirit twists their mind, muddles their perception of what's real. with enough practice, we can do almost anything, but it'll take a toll on us. a lot of people kill themselves. they say they can't handle the voices anymore'. i paused, taking this information in.

'shut up' i said quickly 'i didn't come here for a counselling session, i came to find out your name. and now i did, i want to know why you have that name'.
he smiled at me. 'your smart elizabeth, you don't need me to tell you that. you figured it out as soon as you saw the eyes'.
'my father' i said slowly and he grinned, assuring me i'd came to the right conclusion. 'god. i knew him and my mother had had some issues but i didn't know-'
'elizabeth' he interrupted 'incase you haven't noticed i'm older than you, by quite a bit. these problems had been going on way before you, and will go on way after you'.

i waited a moment before talking again. 'i know the man in the corridors is you, but it doesn't look like you here. you said you used to look like this. what happened?'. his voice twisted in pain. he'd obviously been expecting me to ask this question, but it didn't mean he welcomed it. 'spirit' he said at last, his voice strained 'there's only so much of it you can contain inside you without letting it seep into the physical. the more you use it, the more of the darkness you attract. the more darkness you have, the fuller it gets inside of you. if you want to keep using spirit, you have to make the choice. let it affect your looks or let it affect your brain. i'm a egotistical man, but even i chose the option that kept me alive'. i shivered with this knowledge, the smiling face flashing through my head again. was that going to happen to me?

'another body was found today' i attempted to change the conversation 'at school'. he reached for a pack of cigarettes, sparking up despite it being in a dream. the dreams felt real though, i could feel the heat of the fire warming my face and the cold chair against the back of my legs. i wondered if smoking felt as real too. 'can i have one?' i asked and he looked at me for a moment, studying me. 'i shouldn't be surprised i guess, your obviously a drug and alcohol user for you to have tapped into the spirit. following in your big brothers footsteps'. he hesitated before passing me one and i thanked him, feeling the familiar almost coffee tobacco taste in my mouth. it did feel as real as real life.

'i know' he said. it had been so long since i'd mentioned the body that i completely forgot what i was talking about. 'i heard'. he paused again, as if debating saying something before brushing it off. 'don't worry, i've got my eye on it' he said briskly, as if that was supposed to explain everything and give me the utmost confidence in my safety. in a weird way, it did. i'd seen peter literally disappear before as if by magic. surely by that logic, he could appear too.

i could subconsciously make out that emma was stirring in the real world and peter grimaced, clearly hearing it too. 'time to go elizabeth' he said gently. 'maybe i'll visit you one night physically, now you know who i am. now you're not going to try and murder me'. he grinned and i smiled back, allowing reality to call me back.