addiction - draco malfoy

fourty four

i rolled over in bed, facing the wall. i could hear draco playing music softly down the corridor in his room, but i had made excuses and said i was tired and going to have an early night. we were staying in separate rooms and i was glad. while i had forgiven him for the incident in the corridor, there was still a kind of awkward tension there and besides; sharing a bed on a saturday night when we were high seemed nowhere near as intimate as sharing a double bed in draco's childhood bedroom during the christmas holidays.

i hadn't actually technically lied, i was really tired, but i couldn't fully sleep yet. i had to somehow try and find the strength to dreamwalk and visit peter. he hadn't visited me still since my first attempt to get clean, and i was worried that maybe his silence meant he was planning on coming to see me in person over christmas. with everything that was going on, he would freak if i was m.i.a.
i groaned in frustration, closing my eyes again and attempting to summon a dream up. i wasn't too sure how i had done it the other times, it had just sort of came naturally. i wanted to cry, i really felt like i wasn't losing touch with the spirit.

i sat up in bed, taking a sip of my water from the bottle draco had left for me on my bedside table. i tried to think what could help, figuring that maybe my best bet was totally closing off my thoughts and letting it come naturally. i frowned, biting my hangnail before crossing my legs and closing my eyes. i took a breath in, and a breath out, focusing on my breathing as best as i could.

fuck. am i really that desperate that i'm meditating right now?

i groaned loudly, fighting the urge to just smack my head off the wall. i strained my ears, listening as dracos door opened and closed again. 'elizabeth?' he knocked quietly on my door 'are you okay?'. he pushed the door open tentatively, taking in the way i was sitting with my hands up at my side. 'are you meditating right now?'.
'i'm trying to' i scoffed 'i'm trying to dream walk and see peter but it's not bloody working'.
'oh' he said softly, walking over to sit on the bed next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. 'i'm sorry' he whispered and i sniffed, wiping at the tears in my eyes before they could fall. somehow, this hurt the most about giving up the drugs. 'i'm proud of you you know' he squeezed my shoulder and i smiled at him, not bothering to stop the tears from falling this time.

'it's okay' he whispered, wiping under my eye with his thumb 'maybe peter will visit you, and if he does you could ask him to bring emma or lily to see you in a dream. you said there could be multiple people in a dream at once didn't you? i'm sure he'd do it for you'.
'he can't' i shook my head 'emma and lily don't know about spirit, i only told you and peter. and it would be way too draining for him. i couldn't make him do that'. he sighed, turning and resting his forehead against mine. 'tell me what to do to make you happy' he breathed and i shrugged miserably.

'i think i just want to go to sleep now' i said after a moment 'maybe peter will visit me like you said'.
'yeah' draco responded 'maybe he will'. he kissed me lightly on the forehead, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders and walking back out my room, glancing at me worriedly over his shoulder as he did so.