addiction - draco malfoy

sixty nine

i didn't die, obviously, but he had blindfolded me. and handcuffed me too, just incase i had any bright ideas about trying to escape. 'sorry elizabeth' lily apologised as the car began to drive again, 'but i just can't take any risks. this has to go perfectly. i've sacrificed too much'.
'what do you mean, shadow kissed? it said that in the file, but we didn't understand'. she paused for a minute, and somehow i could tell she was smiling. 'you know, it's the most amazing thing. i read about a couple in ireland, she brought her husband back from the dead, and he could actually see things through her eyes. he could slip into her mind, and just experience everything through her. and it felt real too, the touch, the taste, the smell. it only worked one way though'.
'so can emma see me?' i asked tentatively.
'well in theory. that was only one case, and it mightn't even be true. still, it was a risk i wasn't going to take. if she slips into your head now, she'll see the same as you. black. no clues to where we are or where we're going'.

'why are you taking me though?' i shook my head 'i don't get it'.
'i suppose it's only fair you get an explanation' she conceded 'seeing as you are the heart of this plan'. she paused for a minute, and i couldn't help but wonder if it was simply for dramatic effect. 'you see elizabeth, i have suspected spirit in you for a while. the attraction to drugs, the voices in your head, the erratic behaviour. i'd been on the lookout for a spirit user for a while; i just never suspected it would be my own best friend. kind of tragic irony, really. i got written off from every doctor at a very young age. there was no hope for my kind of illness they told me. no cure. a rare kind of disease, kind of like internal bleeding but slower, more painful. no appetite, vomiting, rapid weight loss. eventually the body will slowly began to die off'.
'you're not anorexic?' i said quietly, although i wanted to bite the words back. 'no elizabeth' she laughed 'it was never anorexia. although, it's a useful cover story. what kind of sick freak is going to ask you to prove you're anorexic? i didn't want anyone to know i was terminally ill, because i needed to find a spirit user on the off chance that they would agree to help me. i didn't tell you or emma incase you let it slip, and as it turns out i'm glad i didn't, because this whole plan would have been completely up in the air if i had'.

'so if i can help you, why didn't you just ask?' i demanded. 'i'm getting to that' she said smoothly 'patience please. of course, i only ever really mildly suspected you were a spirit user, i know now that was mainly because you didn't know yourself. you can't look at every mentally ill person in that school and decide they were a contender, it would never work. this plan would only work once, there was no room for second attempts. i had to be careful. and then you tried to use compulsion on me and emma, i felt it immediately but it's easy to resist compulsion when you know what it is. it's so much easier to compulse those who are unaware of its existence. i faked that it worked, obviously. i couldn't be suspicious in any way, and i know the dipstick persona i developed over the years would have a hundred percent fallen for compulsion. i had to act as normal. i started the bodies as kind of an insurance but-'

'you've been the one murdering people?' i gasped, only just really gathering that now. jesus christ. 'not exactly. that piece of the plan was never definite. not every spirit user can heal people, i needed to know if you could. i planned to kill draco's stupid owl, i know what you're like. you would want to bring it back, you wouldn't want to see him unhappy. if i saw the owl around school, you had obviously brought it back and you obviously could. but then i got word that someone had been able to sense another spirit user on campus, and i didn't know who it was. there was no way for me to be sure that when i did kill the owl, it would be you that brought it back and not them. i went for a walk, a pretty angry walk, through the forest and along the outside of the school grounds when i found it. the first body, starting to decompose already. i don't know how long it had been there, but suddenly everything clicked. it was the perfect way to both disguise my true motives and pull emma into it. i fucked up the body with a kitchen knife i stole, both to disguise the fact it was rotting and that it wasn't actually a hogwarts student.'
'what do you mean bring emma into it? why?'
'oh my god' she huffed 'have some patience. i needed emma purely as a kind of plan b. if draco managed to get you sober before i could see you heal for myself or if i couldn't be sure if you healed the owl yourself or if the other spirit user had done it. blah blah blah. as it happened both those things occurred, so i was glad i created this kind of safety net. if it was public knowledge that a serial killer was running riot, nobody would guess that emma was the real target. like you said yourself, it's hard to untangle a crime with no clear motive. the search parties were my idea too, although i let cedric take the credit to cover those tracks. he's always so happy to play the hero. i planted emma on that route, led you along there, made sure i was with you for it. i needed to see you bring emma back, i had to be absolutely one hundred percent sure. i was behind everything. the owl. that random pain medication in your bedside table that you needed to compulse blaise into giving you more drugs, the love charm on my top and cedrics bracelet'.

'the love charm? that was you too? why?'
'i needed both you and draco out the way so i could kill his owl. i planted that book about spirit on his potions desk, hoping he was smart enough to make the connection and look for more in the library. i kept you and cedric preoccupied another way, or i would of if you'd kept your clothes on a bit longer. as soon as you removed the top, the charm was broken. you came back early, and the timing was tight, but i still pulled it off. you finding this file was a big help in everything. i really couldn't have done it without you'.
'all this effort? why?' i asked.
'i'll need constant spirit healings to stay alive, i'm the last of my family line. i'm important, finding someone to heal me was important. a lot of money has gone into this'.

'you could have just asked me' i grumbled.
'you wouldn't have done it elizabeth. you know how draining spirit is. the more you heal me, the more the darkness will consume you. it will kill you, either through insanity, the drug use or the physical draining of your energy'.
'i would have done it for you lily. for you, because you were my best friend. you killed emma' i shook my head 'i can't believe you killed emma'.
'oh boke' lily scoffed 'i was like ninety percent sure you would revive her. she wasn't going to be dead permanently. and maybe you would have done it, even accepting the effects of it, but draco would never have let you'.
'you think i would have listened?' i challenged.
'yes' lily said curtly 'i know you would have'
'how?' i demanded, my voice hard and cool.
'because you love him elizabeth. it's that simple'.