addiction - draco malfoy

thirty four

i stuffed the file in my drawer as soon as i got back to my room. lily came back not long after i did. she seen i was crying and for once she was unusually tactful. she didn't ask why, she didn't try and tell me it was going to be okay, she just wrapped her arms around me. she pulled my face into her chest and stroked the back of my hair and managed to convince me i would feel better after washing my makeup off because 'effy stonem goth girl makeup was so last season anyway'. she was right though, i did feel better. by the time emma came back she had already convinced me to get changed and tucked me up in bed. i was dozing, with lily lying behind me. emma didn't hesitate before climbing in on the other side of me.

the three of us woke up the exact same way the next morning, our mass of limbs entwined like a big game of twister, and i smiled. it was like we were little kids again, spending the summer at lily's house and running riot everyday. emma crawled out of bed first, me and lily were both happy to stay exactly as we were but emma insisted that we couldn't be late for class. i was dreading seeing draco. it wasn't even like i could talk to emma and lily about it, as far as they knew the mystery guy was cedric, and had always been cedric. this was my fault, i kissed draco, i'm the one that fucked up. i would have to deal with it.

'hey, i'm gonna go ahead. i have to talk to one of my teachers' i told emma and lily. they raised their eyebrows at each other but said nothing. it turned out that my attempt to find draco before lessons was pointless though. he wasn't in his dorm and he hadn't gone to potions early. in fact, he strolled in potions about ten minutes late, chatting obnoxiously loud with blaise. he didn't exactly ignore me, but he didn't not ignore me either. he caught my eye, and smiled ever so slightly. the same way he always did when he walked into a lesson that we were both in, or spotted me across the great hall, or passed me in the corridor. it was like normal.

i bit my thumbnail, staring at the clock and willing it to move faster. i needed to talk to him after the lesson, i needed to find him and make him realise i shouldn't have done this, that it was a mistake. and then maybe we could move past it, try and find some semblance of normal to take back over.

'elizabeth?' lily grabbed my hand under the table, squeezing it 'you okay?'. emma was looking at me across the table too, her face a picture of worry. 'yeah' i smiled 'yeah i'm okay. what do we need for the potion? i'll go get it'.
'no it's okay' emma sighed 'i'll go'. emma stood up, walking over to the ingredients table with the list, beginning to measure out the ingredients on the scales.

'lizzie, i don't know what's happened, but boys are so so stupid. whoever's upset you isn't worth it'.
'what if i upset the boy?' i breathed, my breath shaking as i slumped in my chair. lily squeezed my hand again. 'remember when we were little, and we used to play dress up at my house in the summer? my mother always said you'd be a heart breaker'. i laughed in spite of myself, a tear rolling down my cheek as i did it. 'you always bagged the best feather boa' i sniffed.
'you know i did' lily grinned, elbowing me 'and i looked the best in it too'. she paused. 'i know, i'm not always the best friend' she sighed 'i'm not like emma. i miss things. i'm not as sensitive as i should be, i don't do it on purpose, i just forget things sometimes. i'm not tactful like emma or you are. i just have a lot going on. i love you, you know that right? no matter what, i love you'.
'i know' i smiled, reaching over to her. it was my turn to wipe her tear away now. 'i love you too'.

i knew what other stuff she had 'going on', it had been going on for years. i wasn't like emma either, i didn't know how to deal with it. 'lily, you know if you just told your mother you were struggling with your eating again, she could help. she could get you to talk to someone again, you said that helped last time'.
she waved me off, shrugging. 'i just said that to keep her happy. i'm fine really, i'm not struggling'. i knew there was no point in arguing with her, i couldn't make her see sense. not like emma could.

emma carried the ingredients back, blushing as she dropped one and pansy parkinson hurried to pick it up for her. lily waggled her eyebrows at her as she sat down, making me laugh. 'oh shut up' emma scoffed, but she was grinning. 'now, are you actually gonna help me? or am i gonna have to do it myself like usual?'.
'yourself' lily quipped, winking at me.

the lesson went quickly, the bell chiming and actually making me jump in surprise. draco left instantly, not even giving me the chance to follow him. i knew i couldn't actually talk to him in class, because for one nobody knew we were even friends, but i was hoping i would be able to at least follow him out the class until he was alone and could talk.
he never told me not to see him saturday. i'd just have to talk to him then.

mass publishing a couple chapters before i go to bed because i'm kinda down and want comments to wake up to, so enjoy