𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙶𝙻𝙴 || 𝙰𝚃𝙴𝙴𝚉

Chapter 23.

TW! BULLYING, SELF HARM, EATING DISORDER.

if you're uncomfortable please skip this chapter

Jade basically talks about her bullying experience in middle school in details.

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"okay" Jade sighed. she wanted to tell Yunho about what happened to her in middle school. 

"so um we have been friends for more than 3 weeks right?" Jade started. Yunho nodded "and uh that isn't a very long time but i feel very close to you and i wanted to tell you about something that happened to me during middle school" she said and took a deep breath. Yunho froze on his spot.

"so when i was 11 i enrolled in a middle school like everyone else. but i wasn't the most sociable kid ever, cause everything felt so foreign and i was confused. after about a month since i started school, some girls started picking on me. there were 4 of them as i remember. at first it was small stuff, like taking my stuff, tugging on my clothes and my hair, so i thought nothing of it, thinking that they were just teasing me. then they started making remarks about my clothes and stuff you know? like 'omg your outfit is so cute today. i personally would NEVER wear anything like that but it suits you' and stuff like that. i didn't pay attention to them and it made them mad. they started asking for lunch money, dumping my lunch or water over me, and it made me sad, cause i never knew what i did to make them hate me so much. i started studying to get my mind off the stuff they told me. i studied 24/7 and i became one of the best students. they didn't like that.

they didn't go further than that in 6th grade. however, in 7th grade it got worse. they would corner me and tell me mean things, tell me i'm fat and i need to lose few pounds. they told me i'm ugly and disgusting. they told me i cheated my way to the top. they told me i was a big loser who wouldn't achieve anything in their life. they told me 'im not worthy of anyone's attention. especially boys in our grade. they told me they couldn't see what they saw in me and i was very confused. they told me i was taking their crushes and whoring around. i didn't talk to anyone other than Meg so obviously it was a lie, but i couldn't stand up for myself. i was scared. 

they told me my personality is horrible and i should change myself. they told me im a bad person and i should just die. they told me i should try to be more like them. and honestly, if anyone said that to a 12 year old, they would obviously believe it. i believed everything they told me and tried to change myself. i tried to use makeup, i starved myself, i tried to smile more to seem nicer and more sociable. they didn't like that. they told me i was trying too hard and i was fake. they told me that nothing worked on me and i should just give up. that time my mental health was in a horrible condition, but no one knew about it. i didn't tell Meg or Jimin because i didn't want them to worry. i know they would freak out and try to do something about it. if those girls heard it they would make my life a living hell.  so i kept quiet. 

in 8th grade they got physical. they started with slapping me a few times. then it became usual. they'd slap me, pull my hair and cut my clothes. they told me that i didn't deserve the looks i had so they were trying to make me uglier. they scratched my face and cut my skin. at one point it became an everyday routine. it was really hard, cause i had to cover up all the bruises and scratches so Jimin, my parents, or Meg wouldn't see any. it was hard. it was really hard for me. i felt lonely. i felt bad about myself. i thought about ending it all. Yunho 13 year olds shouldn't be thinking about that. they ruined my childhood and teenage years. i became very self conscious. my confidence was gone. i couldn't talk to people without thinking about that they were thinking of me. and it wasn't enough for them. they kept getting more and more aggressive each day. 

by that time i became sickly skinny. so my body was very weak. and they kept adding to it. i was encouraging myself to go through one more year and then it would be over. so i barely made through 8th grade. during the summer break i recovered a lot. and i was excited to start high school with no bullies. but guess what. they followed me there. the followed me through high school Yunho, just to make me end my life. i shook with fear every day, not knowing when hell will break loose. they didn't do anything for first few days, but its always calm before storm right? after about 3 weeks into high school they started attacking me during lunch breaks. they beat me up to pulp, saying that if they dislocated that 'pretty face of mine' no one would like me anymore. it was horrible. 

i started cutting myself. i was heavily depressed. they made me hate myself. they made me want to die. they did horrible stuff, Yunho. and it was really difficult for me to keep going without anyone noticing. Meg and Jimin started catching on few stuff and questioned me about it, but i always made excuses. they bought it. and honestly it was a relief, cause i didn't know what they would do if they found out i told someone about the bullying. 

one time they went too far. they were angry, because a boy approached me one day and flirted with me. turns out it was one of the girls' crush. so they were extra angry that day. they grabbed my head and banged it on the wall before i blacked out. i woke up in the hospital. Jimin, Meg and my parents were there. they were crying, scolding me for not telling them, so i broke down and told them everything. those girls got expelled and put in juvie. i felt relieved, but what they did never left my mind. it turned into a trauma. i went to multiple therapists and recovered, but not fully.

now im still as introverted as i was 5 years ago. i can't talk to new people. i feel bad about myself and my appearance. i dont like myself. sure, yes i dont hate myself anymore but i don't love myself either. and im still struggling. i get nightmares and honestly i don't think i'll ever recover entirely, cause.. well.. you know. i get random anxiety attacks. i panic when im in crowded places, or when people look at me. i don't like people. but i got over my eating disorder. and i don't self harm anymore. also im a lot more happier. and i have you guys. so you could call it a progress. " Jade finished and smiled, few tears falling from her eyes. she was looking at the bed all this time, so when she finally looked up to meet Yunho's eyes, her eyes softened. he was crying, covering his mouth. 

"omg are you okay?" Jade moved forward a little, but was caught off guard when Yunho grabbed her and pulled her towards him, hugging her tightly.

"im sorry you had to go through all of that alone" he said, patting her head. Jade sniffled and hugged him back. Yunho was a big teddy bear after all. hugging him is the best thing someone could do when they needed comfort. after a while they pulled away. Yunho wept his tears before wiping Jade's.

"its okay. it was long time ago anyways." Jade shrugged " don't tell anyone tho. i'll tell others when im ready." he nodded. 

"ain't it funny how we go from wiping tears of joy to wiping tears of sadness real fast" Yunho giggled.

"true" Jade said and smiled.

"are you down for watching Mulan?" Yunho winked at her. Jade smiled brightly. 

"hell yes"

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i hope y'all don't feel like it's moving too slow. i wanted to give them some moments together. btw i'm doing this with everyone to make Jade realize who she likes (i have no idea who's she ending up with btw)