Tom Holland Imagines

Everything gets too much pt1

TW

a/n: I would like to say that whoever is struggling with any kind of issues, please know that I'm always here to talk to. I'm pretty much going through a version of what I'm describing in this  part but I'm working on getting better. so please don't be shy to talk to me and know that I have my bad days too. I know how that feels. stay strong and stay safe guys xx 

BTW  please let me know, now that christmas is coming up, would you like me to do some kind of advent calendar on here? where I write a christmas related imagine every single day in December up until christmas? If so, please suggest some xx 

I can't handle it anymore. What you ask? Life.

Living during a global pandemic, in a different country, far away from your family, in lockdown 2.0 that just started in England and without your boyfriend, as he was currently filming somewhere far away where he got to do what he loved again while you were doing uni from home. 

But, mostly, with the eating disorder you developed when you were 13, thought you had overcome when you fell in love with Tom and for the first time, with yourself, that kept making it's way back into your life when your life changed due to covid-19. 

You knew people had it worse than you. Way worse. You were living in a nice house with a generous boyfriend, who had no problem paying for your bills now that you couldn't work in the restaurant you did before lockdown. Your surroundings were pretty much alright. But your inside wasn't. Your mental health wasn't. And it started to have impact on everything else. You barely made it up in the mornings and when you did you went for a 5k run, every single day. That exhausted you so much that you had almost no strength in you to do your uni work so what you did was only half-heartedly. Since Harrison and Harry were living with you, you weren't completely alone and Toms family was your support bubble which you were allowed to see. So you had your movie nights with the boys and went on Sunday walks with Tessa and Toms parents. But even those times that brought you so much joy got less and less. Everything being topped off with Tom not being there with you.

That was until the boys started to notice. One night Harrison knocked on your door. It was only 8pm and you were already in bed. You had barely eaten today and felt exhausted. All you really wanted to was sleep. Or more so all you really COULD do at this point was to sleep.

"Can I come in?", Harrison asked as he poked his head through the doorframe.

You sat up a little and nodded. "Sure, what's up?"

Harrison closed the door behind himself and sat down on the edge of your bed. 

"Are you okay?", he asked you. 

You could see the concern in his eyes. You nodded and tried to smile. 

"Really, because", Harrison eyes flickered through the room as if he didn't know how to say it, "it's movie night and it's the fourth time in a row now that you're missing it."

For a second you contemplated what to do. You couldn't even imagine walking downstairs right now but you definitely couldn't risk getting caught. So you pretended to be surprised. "Is it Friday again already? Gosh I totally forgot, of course I'm coming downstairs."

Harrison looked at you with raised eyebrows. You bit your lip, hoping he would buy the lie. And he did. Or so you thought. 

He got up and smiled at you. 

"Okay, we're waiting", he said and left. Lucky you because that way he didn't see you getting dizzy once you got up to walk downstairs.

Only hours later you woke up on the couch. You must have fallen asleep during the movie as the tv was turned off and both boys were not in the room with you anymore. Slowly you got up to quickly get in your bed and back to sleep, when you walked past the kitchen. You heard low voices, or actually one voice. It was Harrison. But you didn't know who he was talking to. You stopped in front of the door, knowing it was bad to eavesdrop but you couldn't help it. You quickly realized he was talking on the phone. and he was talking to Tom. But you were too tired to figure out what he was talking about so you made your way upstairs and to your room.

It was days later and you had already forgotten about the phone call when you heard a car in the driveway and the front door opening. You were sitting in the kitchen, working on an essay, both Harry and Harrison next to you. Surprised you looked up and at both of them. That's when you realized they were both already cheekily smiling at you.

"What", you started when you were interrupted by a thick British accent. 

"Darling, I'm home."

"No way" you called out, already smiling widely and turning around to see Tom entering the kitchen. You immediately jumped up from your seat and right into Toms arms. His laughter rang in your ears and warmed up your heart. 

"What are you doing here?", you asked excited but he just shrugged. "Wanted to see my favorite girl." 

You giggled. You couldn't believe it.

Tom greeted Harrison and Harry, then all of you went into the living room to spend the evening together, talking about anything and everything.

You were lying in Toms arms, his arms wrapped around you and holding you close to his body. You felt safe. Eventually though you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna head to bed", you said slowly starting to get up. 

"I'll be with you in a second", Tom said and you smiled. You really couldn't wait to fall asleep next to him again.

You had been lying in bed for a while when Tom still hadn't come upstairs yet. You started to wonder what he was doing as it was indeed pretty late and you were sure he didn't want you to fall asleep without him on his first day back.

So you went downstairs to see what he was doing. The light in the living room was off but you saw light and heard quiet whispers coming from the kitchen. You were about to open the door when you realized it was Harrison and Tom and they were talking about you.

"I'm sorry I asked you to come back but I really didn't know what to do anymore." 

That was Harrison. You raised your eyebrows in confusion. He was the one who made Tom come home?

"I'm glad you did", Tom said. It was quiet for a while when you heard quiet sobs. "I could feel it when she was laying in my arms. She's lost so much weight. And her eyes are bloodshot. Just like last time."

You made a step back. They knew.

Tom came back home from filming. He was crying. Just because of you.

You felt your body start to shake enormously.

You grabbed onto the wall, trying to keep yourself up when you landed on the ground with a loud thud.

"What the", was the last thing you heard coming from the kitchen before everything went black.