In-Between

Chapter 39

It had been so late when Gray finally returned to the house. So late in fact that everyone in the house was asleep. The living family and the three ghouls. Though technically speaking ghouls didn't really sleep. They just went into a dormant state which allowed their bodies and powers to recover. Either way it was a perfect time for Gray to finally get through what he had been dreading all day.

He had felt emotions on the subject building up since he had first risen but he had managed to repress them until now. He came close to letting it slip out when Natsu spilled the beans about his more unstable tendencies but he quickly regained control of it.

Alone in the flat with his roommates completely dormant he finally allowed his tears to fall. To this day he didn't know why, but every year on this exact date he would feel an unbearable sadness that would be enough to make him cry. And every year on this date he always made sure that no one saw him like this. He just thought it would be so humiliating if anyone saw him in this manner.

In his quiet sorrow he glanced over at the door to the room where Juvia typically slept. It had been cracked open and for some reason he felt the urge to enter the room. She was lying down in an unmoving state and obviously possessing no sign of life which made Gray feel even sadder. It was so bizarre but seeing her like that only wanted to make him cry even harder.

What came next was all a blur. He kneeled down to where she was, gently moved his arms to her upper body, and he knew she wouldn't stir because unlike the living, ghouls cannot wake from their dormant state until the appropriate time for recovery has passed. So with no hesitation he pulled her into his arms and cradled her. He pressed his forehead to hers and just let one tear fall after another, holding her securely with fear that if he didn't she would disappear from this world forever.

Gray had lied when he said that he didn't know why he suddenly stopped having the desire to hurt people. The truth was he stopped having those feelings when he met her. It was like her presence filled some kind of empty void that had been inside of him from the moment he had risen and the more time he spent with her the more dear she became to him. So dear in fact that he couldn't imagine himself existing at all without her and he couldn't shake the sudden irrational fear that something or someone was going to take her away from him.

He thought the whole thing was crazy. For years female ghosts and ghouls had shown a strong interest in him while he hardly ever blinked an eye at any of them. But this woman. This dead, timid, fragile, but oh so lovely woman had started making him feel emotions that he thought were dead and gone just like his first body. And why was it that out of all the deceased women in the afterlife, it was this one who had managed to gain some special place in his once beating heart?

In the mist of his unexplainable sadness he did not hear the door to the flat creak open nor did he hear the sound of quiet footsteps on the floor. But he did hear a small yet concerned feminine voice ask:

"Gray are you okay?"

He looked up from the ghoulish woman in his arms and turned to see Wendy in the doorway holding a lot candle and the concern in her gaze increased when she saw the tears on his face.

"You're crying." The girl was surprised. She had never seen a man cry before. Granted he was a dead man but he was still male. When she was little she didn't think it was possible for men to cry and when she got older she realized that men did cry but for some reason most of them preferred to hide their tears. "What's the matter? Is something wrong with Juvia?"

He carefully laid Juvia back down and quickly wiped his face. Then he quietly ushered her out of the room and closed the door.

"She's fine." He finally answered. "And I wasn't crying."

"Yes you were."

"I was not."

"You had tears in your eyes. I saw them. Why were crying?"

He wanted to deny it. He really didn't want to tell her this but there was no point considering he had seen his tears.

"To tell you the truth." He sighed. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know. Once a year on this date I always feel so sad. I feel the urge to cry and I don't know why. I've tried to figure it out for so long but I just can't."

"Has this always happened to you on this date?"

"Yes. Ever since I had risen."

"Does anyone else know about this?"

"Juvia knows but she doesn't know what date I do it. As for Natsu and Lucy they don't know about this at all and I don't want you to tell them."

"Why?"

"It's embarrassing. I don't like to cry. It makes me feel pathetic especially when I don't know what the hell I'm crying about."

"I don't understand. How can something make you sad enough to cry but you don't know what it is?"

"That's thing about us dead people. Our bodies, our sensations, and our memories are gone but the feelings remain."

"Huh...You know my mom used to say that one of things that gets us through life is the knowledge that while a lot of things  in this world are fleeting, love will never die. It will live on forever. Is ut kind of like that with feelings?" 

"I guess you could say that honey. Feelings don't die or fade away like people and memories do."

"Gray?"

"Yes?"

"You don't know why you cry right?"

"Yes. I just said that."

"Okay but do you know why you were holding Juvia? Do you do that on this date every year too?"

"No. No this was the first time."

"Do you know why you do it?"

"No. I don't know why I did that either. But I won't do it again." He said. "Anyway it's late. You should go back to bed and I should probably go dormant now."

"You sure you don't want to talk about this anymore?"

"No I don't."

"Alright." 

"Good night Wendy."

"Good night Gray."

She didn't want to leave so soon because she still had so many questions but then again he probably couldn't give her all the answers. This whole thing was so confusing. How is it that a person dead or alive can have these strong emotions like sadness but not have the foggiest idea of what the reason is for such emotions? Perhaps the answers lied within their memories. This particular date probably had some big significance in his past life but because he had no memory of anything that happened when he was alive he couldn't make the connection. None of them could make any connections to their feelings, their wants, or their unfinished business because they couldn't remember anything. Which is why Wendy had now made it her mission to somehow help her friends remember who they were in life so they could solve their unfinished business and move on. 

She wasn't a hundred percent sure that she could do it but she had to try. It was the least she could do for them and even though it would make her very sad to see them go, she knew her heart that they would be much happier if they moved on. So starting tomorrow she would begin doing whatever she could to figure out who each of the her ghoulish friends were before they died.