Dark Paradise

Chapter 32

~You and I are more than friends. We're like a really small gang.

Harry's smile reminded me of a child's face on Christmas morning about to open their present. We sat in first class on our way to Cheshire. We were going back to his hometown to visit his mom Anne for her birthday. I was nervous but excited to finally meet his mom and his sister Gemma.
"Hey do you mind reading to me?" Harry asked as he leaned his head on my shoulder.
"Sure what did you have in mind?" I asked him.
"Read me that book you just got not to long ago. About the teen. I want to know how the story ends." He said. Not to long ago I got a book called 'Worth it'. (Totally made up) It was about a depressed teen who gets almost everything thrown at her. I've finished the book but harry likes audible reading so I read it to him. He's midway in to the book, cos I'm always busy and so is he, so I don't get enough time to read it to him. But we have hours in this plane so I might as well read some to him. Might even finish the book.
"What chapter did we stop on?" I asked pulling the book out of my carry on.
"Chapter 18." Harry replied wrapping his arms around me.
***"Are you happy?" Is such a difficult question, I always say yes,because I have friends, I laugh at jokes, I go out a lot and have fun, my life isn't as bad as it could be. And I don't have terrible problems, it could be worse.
But then, at 3 am when I'm all alone,still awake,lying in bed, thinking about life I find myself crying my heart out. Suddenly I convince myself that no body likes me, or nobody will ever like me. I feel horrible and I question everything I have.
And I don't know if I was ever happy at all.
"Yes" I answer Johns question. I force a smile on my lips, though I know it didn't reach my eyes. Maybe John didn't notice it was fake, or maybe he didn't care.
I was sick of this bull shit. I wasn't no where near happy. I know that John is cheating on me with my friend Willow. Yet I stay with him and don't mention it. I still have an ounce of hope that he will have the decency to tell me, but he doesn't. I always question if I was ever good enough for him.
I don't feel like I need to be saved, I just need the feeling of being loved and know that someone out there craves my attention. With John I feel like a lost puppy searching for any ounce of emotion good or bad.
I'm too shy to tell him how I feel. So I hide behind timid smiles and soft hellos. I'm afraid if I ask him "what do you think of me?" His reply will be "I don't"
John kisses me good bye and walks out my house. Deep inside I know he's going to willows, I just know it. The second the door closes I fall to the floor crying. It just hurts that I can't be what everyone wants me to be. Or what anybody needs and it hurts that I can't be what I want to be. Or what I need because I'm not enough and I won't be enough and I'll never be close to enough and I'm just so damn tired.
Slowly day by day my thoughts were destroying me. I try not to think, but silence is a killer too.
John is fucking using me like a temporary fix and I can't believe that I'm letting him. Yet I stay loyal, even if I am being screwed over. Because two wrongs don't make a right and revenge isn't always sweet.
God he's like my entire story but all I am to him is a sentence.
If I could just go back to the day we met I would turn around and walk the other way.
I spent hours on the hard wood floor crying until I felt like I couldn't. I just stared at the ceiling wondering if any of this was really worth it. Was I even worth it? Would anyone notice if I was gone? Just disappeared from the surface of the earth. I could just end all my suffering and self loathing. I could do it so easily as well. It's not like death scared me.
Should I?*****
"What Ya think so far harry. Any comments on this chapter?" I asked harry closing the book. The story itself is really sad, I cried for each chapter, my eyes were a bit watery now. The writer by far is amazing on the plot.
"What an ass hole?" Harry mumbled kissing my neck gently.
"Yea." I said agreeing.
"Personally the main character is very strong, she could've ended her life from the first chapter, but she's made it a whole year in the book not self harming and killing herself. It's hard not to look up to her, and feel and emotional connection to her." Harry says.
"Yea the author has a way of portraying her, in a way Lily the main character possible has every insecurity that is known. So it's hard not to relate to her." I said.
*******************
Me and harry had just picked up our bags and are now searching for his mom and sister Gemma.
"They should be around here some where." Harry said looking around.
I caught sight of two women. The younger one looking oddly enough like Harry, the resemblance was crazy.
"Harry is it them?" I asked turning him around to face them. Harry's face smile grew half a mile, he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards them running. Our luggage getting left behind. He dropped my arm to hug both ladies. I enjoyed the sight from behind.
"Harry let go. I wanna meet Bel." Gemma said pushing harry away with a familiar smirk. Wow they look just alike.
"Hi I'm Gemma this dorks sister."Gemma said holding her hand out.
"I'm Bel it's nice to meet you." I said grasping her hand and shaking it lightly.
"Bel this is my mom Anne." Harry said. I offered her my hand but instead she hugged me.
"It's so nice to meet you. Harry never brings any girls home. Finally he brings someone home. Beautiful thing you are." Anne said hugging.
"Thank you really, it's very nice to meet you." I said hugging her back.
*************
The first day we spent getting to know each other. Today was the actual party. Everything was set up nicely. Harry hand made all the pastries, which I kept eating as he made them.
For her present I grabbed Anne a diamond in crusted necklace. Harry had mentioned she love diamonds but never encouraged them to buy them for her since they were so expensive.
Also today I have the pleasure of meeting the so famous Louis Tomlinson. Harry was picking him up right now.
"You make him really happy." Gemma's voice said behind me. I quickly turn around to face her.
"What?" I questioned.
"You make my brother really happy. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. That time period you guys were apart he was miserable. It was as if he had no reason to live. But then he went to Paris to see you. And he comes back a whole different person. Very vibrant and happy. Be good to him." Gemma said. I slowly took in her words. I could see how much they cared for each other.
"Don't worry, it's going to be hard to get rid of me from now on. I love him so much." I said. She smiled and gripped me in a hug.
"You'll fit right in to the family." She whispered.
"Hey!!!!! Guess whose here." Harry's voice yelled as the door burst open. Me and Gemma pulled apart, Gemma rolling her eyes in the process.
"Yes dummy 1 and dummy 2." Gemma said sarcastically.
"Hey you can call your brother dumb cos he's younger but I on the other hand am more mature and grown up." Another voice said, I'm assuming he's louis. His hair was scruffy, he had loud blue eyes and a bit of scruff on his face.
Harry rolled his eyes and he made his way towards me.
"Miss me?" He asked kissing my temples.
"Nah Gemma is great company." I said .
"I'm way better than her." He said hugging me.
"Hey love birds! Do I get the pleasure of meeting the girl my best friend won't shut up about?" Louis asks causing great harry to back up a bit, his face going red.
"Um yea, Lou this is Bel. Bel this is Lou." Harry said, me and Louis shook hands.
"Harry was always terrible at introductions. I'm his best friend Louis Tomlinson." He said.
*****************
For the rest of the night I met a lot of new people. I mostly mingled around Gemma, louis and of course Harry.
I think I'll fit right in to the Styles family.