Mewgulf ONESHOT collection

For your eyes only

(Note: I am apologizing in advance for this.)

They say happiness cannot be seen.

But I remembered the exact day when mine walked right in front of my camera, ruining the perfect sunrise I was trying to capture.

You apologized for the mistake you thought you made. But how many times did I tell you that meeting you was never a mistake.

You were so young back then. So innocent and gullible. It was so easy tricking you into being my model in exchange of that one ruined shot.

I am a photographer that never photograps people. But I know beauty when I see one. And you, sir, you're a walking piece of art. Your shy smile and quiet demeanor wants me to capture every expressions on your face.

You are so unaware of your self that you wouldn't understand my obsession of your chestnut lips. Or how I am crazy about the curve of your neck and elegant back arch. Did you know that I want to dedicate an entire photo collection for your eyes alone? And how can you expertly hide those dimples?

Sometimes when I look at the photos I took of you, I tried asking my self what have I been doing till now? Like, how is my life before you?

And then I realized that I was merely existing and not living. All this time I was waiting for you. My soul is waiting just for you.

I think I've love you from the start.

Being with you brings out the best in me. I can be calm and focused. I can even let out my insecurities because you were there to help me sort them out.

You knew of my dream of becoming a big shot one day. And you promised to stay with me along the way. You said you'd never let go of my hand.

You were there when my eyesight started turning bad. There were blurry moments and occasional headaches that I thought was due to exhaustion. And you were the one that pushed me to have it check, joking maybe it's time to wear specs.

But it's worse than that. The doctor said it was cancer. And sooner rather than later I may have to lose both eyes for a better chance of survival.

Yes, I was devastated. But you looked more broken than I did that time. I told you nothing would change, even when everything inside of me is falling apart.

But the moment I died was not when I became blind.

It was when you left without preamble. Without warning.

No goodbyes. You just simply vanished. As if you were not here from the beginning, and I was just dreaming all this time.

You said you'd stay. But you escaped with the first available chance you get.

I hated you at first. I was so angry and hurt. But then somehow I understand. You have a bright future ahead of you. Why waste it on a blind man with uncertain days ahead of him?

But fate started intervening once more. An anonymous donor came and I can be operated once I give the go signal.

Deep inside, I'd rather go blind for the rest of my life as long as you're by my side.

On the other side, I agreed for the procedure as a huge FUCK YOU to you for leaving me at my most vulnerable moment.

And so I got my sight back. But it took me another year to finally hold a camera without breaking down. Finally, I can take photographs again. But I made a promise to my self that I would never, ever take pictures of people again. I've learned my lesson the hard way.

Years have passed and I still think of you. Are you happy? Have you moved on? Are you with someone? Is he taking care of you well?

Can I be any more pathetic?

Oh, and I'm sharing a toast to you as I open my very first gallery. Remember when you asked me what was my most favorite photo ever taken, and I said that I will show it if ever I get a chance to do an exhibit?

Well, it's happening now. And your face was my center piece. It was you and that sunrise. I've burned all of your photos except that one. Despite everything I can't find it in me to destroy my last remaining connection to you.

For the millionth time I wish you were here. So that I can say to your face that I made it without you. That I don't need you after all.

Congratulations.

I stared in disbelief at the piece of paper in my hand. One word and my world is shaking. The foundation I tried to build after you left lay crumbling at my feet.

I asked around for whoever delivered the message. Someone actually saw a certain person that made an exit right now.

I quit breathing and started running at the door praying to any God that was listening.

Please, please, please.

I was outside in seconds, desperately searching.

And then I saw you. You were walking away with someone.

I think I just died again. But I couldn't stopped my feet from following a few steps behind.

The two of you were walking unhurriedly, your hand in his arm, and I wanted so badly to scream.

Only you can bring out the calmness and violence inside of me.

And then I saw the guide stick, and the way you're holding on to him is actually for support. As if you can't see in front of you.

God, no!

I quickened my steps until I'm way ahead of you, and then stopped suddenly so you would purposely bump into me.

You apologized. Just like the first time that we met.

I saw my reflection on the sunglasses that you were wearing. My eyes— no, your eyes was staring right back at me.

Oh, my love what have you done?

Your companion apologized once more, explaining the obvious that you cannot see. There was censure in his voice telling me to be careful next time before pulling you away.

They say happiness cannot be seen.

Right now it's true. Because I can't see anything through these tears.

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(Note: So yeah this was based on an MV of a Korean song titled Because I'm a Girl by KISS. I just want to hurt my self by writing this. 😭😭😭)

(Another note: According to Google donating your eyes while you're still alive is not possible so don't even think about it.)