Sasquatch to the Moon

13: If I Held My Breath, Would You Hold Yours Too?

NEW YEARS DAY CALLS FOR A TREAT: DOUBLE UPDATE 

(because i'm not mean enough to leave you hanging after whatever tf THIS is) (with love <3, I'm so so so so so sorry) 

also i feel like this weirdly doesn't fit all that great but i plotted everything out before writing and just missed things I needed to mention previously. 

HÅKON

Pick up hockey wrapped up and we went back to our day-to-day in Sweden, work out in the morning, fuck around in the afternoon, bother Isa and Leo, wander around looking for things to do, watching Rocket be so blissfully confused by all the Swedish being spoken around him. Isa and Leo are heading home for the weekend (I still haven't told my parents I'm home) just to work out some details and it's something Rocket and I have definitely been looking forward to. Nobody to come bother us and need us to do something, and, better yet, nobody in the next room over.

Isa and Leo shut the door on Friday night and it's like Milo and I haven't been alone with each other in years. They're only gone for two days, but Rocket and I haven't been alone, seriously alone, sober and alone, since Canada.

His hands are wild and I can definitely tell he's nervous. It doesn't matter all that much, I'm with him, that's all that matters.

He's got his hands knotted up in the front of the t-shirt I'm wearing, my back against the cool wall.

I burrow my face into his neck, sucking on his skin and giving him a quick bite as his breathing picks up, chest roaring next to mine.

"Fuck me," it doesn't register in my head at first.

"What?"

I stand straight again, looking at him. "You heard me."

"I did." I mumble. "You're not ready yet, there's things you have to-"

"I did them." His eyes don't break contact with mine, green green green and determined.

I clear my throat. "Oh."

"Like, all of it, we're good to go, we can just-"

"Milo." I stop him. "I need you to be honest with me."

He frowns, hands loosening from my shirt.

"Do you," I squeeze my eyes shut. "Do you wanna have sex with me or do you want to just not be a virgin. Those are two very different things."

He stays quiet. "Well, I, clearly it's both but it's not like-"

I sigh. "I'm not gonna fuck you just so you can have the comfort of having that behind you. I want it to matter."

"I do too and if we do this now it will! It's not like you're some random fucking guy I picked up just to have sex with!"

"Sometimes it feels like it!" I snap back. The second it's out of my mouth I regret it, but I needed to get it off my chest.

"What?"

Good god. "Every time I get you alone it's nonstop, okay? I don't know if you know this but I've been deliberately steering clear of you in this type of situation because of it!"

"You could've fucking told me! And why the hell aren't you, like, excited for this? Aren't you supposed to just like leap at this shit? Isn't that what guys do?"

"Rocket, please." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Just, I don't want to have sex with you because you feel like it's some big fucking thing that you missed."