Sasquatch to the Moon

9: Things Not To Discuss While Half-Asleep and Hungover

ROCKET

Now, this... this is a headache. Holy shit. There's sunlight on my face and a ringing in my ears and I can hear soft snoring from behind me and become slowly aware of the large arm under my back. He normally doesn't snore but I guess he's really out.

I groan, sitting up, propping myself up on one arm and looking over at Håkon in all his morning glory. By morning glory I mean morning absolute wreck.

I blink a couple times, trying to get the fuzzy spot out of my vision, then without a second thought, just impulsivity, reach over and wiggle his retainer out. Which is truly horrifying, I realize, as I wake up the rest of the way, but he's not supposed to sleep with his retainer in.

"Morning," I hear him croak as I turn back around from setting the gross thing on the side table.

"Hey," I run my hand down my chest, just now realizing that I'm barely in boxers and I'm pretty sure they're his. I look down. Definitely his. Which means- I slip my hand around the hem of the sheet and peek under it. It meant exactly what I thought it did. My boxers are laying on the floor a foot and a half away from the side of the bed.

Håkon sits up with me, blinking hard. "I'm gonna need Advil."

"Me too, and water." I smack my mouth together and try to get rid of the icky dry morning breath taste.

"Fucking..." he rubs his eyes harder. "Can't remember anything."

"Me neither." I look at him. "But I'm in your boxers. I assume-"

"Oh fuck," his eyes fly open. "Shit. I told myself I wouldn't pull a Fen on you and-"

I flop back down. "I'm like, 99% sure we didn't fuck." I laugh, looking up at him and the hickies on his neck and very incriminating nail marks on his sides.

He frowns at me. "Buddy you're like covered in-"

"I'd be in a ton of fucking pain if we did, or you, but one of us would not be doing great." I wipe my hair off my forehead. "We didn't have any shit with us. Olive oil was huge in ancient Greece for a reason."

He thinks for a moment, then lets out a little laugh. "Yeah, it was."

We stay still and quiet and exhausted for another couple moments. Håkon rubs his temples to try to ease up whatever headache he has and I run a hand through my sticky mess of hair a couple times before determining it's going to be impossible to fight my way through it without a comb. 

I wipe my hands down my face. "Have you been tested recently?"

"That came out of nowhere," he stays propped up on his elbows. "Not like, recently. I'm like 99% sure I'm clean because it's been like a year since I've had like honest to god sex and nothing is weird. Plus is a little late for you to ask that considering we've done like damn everything but sex."

I snort at that. "Yeah, couldn't hurt to ask. You know I'm clean. Biggest virgin of the year award right here." I glance up at him and the little headache-dazed blush on his face. "What's your body count? I mean, like, I think I know, but."

"Four." He mumbles. "Three guys, one girl."

"I still can't imagine you actually pulling that off with a girl."

"Takes quite the imagination," he runs a hand through his hair. "Helps that girls feel weirdly good."

I laugh at this. "Damn, Håkon, making me want to leave you for a girl."

"You wouldn't." He jokes.

"Yeah, you're right," I poke his side. "But really?"

"Yeah. Guys are better because they're guys but there's something weirdly intriguing about just that feeling of girls, none of it's actually attractive for me, but the actual sex thing isn't horrible."

"It's your body trying to evolutionarily ensure the reproduction of the species." I mumble, reaching over to put my finger on a little scar on his ribcage. "Also I think I'm bisexual."

"That's new."

"Not really," I mumble. "I definitely lean way more toward guys but I feel like I've been guilt tripping myself for years that I have to only be into guys because that's what wrecked my whole family and if I was anything but exclusively gay it was a lie, but being around not men recently has kinda smacked me upside the head."

I can tell he's definitely way too asleep to handle this existential crisis I'm having. It shows when all he does in response is blink a couple times, real slow, then mumble: "So you're bisexual?"

"Probably, I'm not gonna go off and test it out, if you're worried."

He shrugs. "Doesn't really bother me as long as it doesn't change what's between us."

"Yeah," I shrug. "Plus, it's still a questioning thing, I can see myself long term with a girl, but I'm not sure if it's compulsory heterosexuality or if it's genuine. Plus, most women scare the shit out of me."

He laughs at this. "So, I really haven't done any research on the whole, everything, you know, I just know I'm gay and that's that, so you're going to have to explain that to me, is it like, a little into guys, a little into girls or is it-"

I shake my head. "Don't worry I have no idea either, but it's like, it's not taking a little bit of being straight and a little bit of being gay, it's like taking all of both but then like, some will have preferences going one way or another. So if I'm right about it," I run a hand through my gross hair. "I'm like all the way gay, very very gay, you know that, and at the same time like all the way straight but I prefer, more like I have less standards, for guys. I never really focused on girls so like I have no idea over there and who knows this could really just be aesthetic attraction."

He groans, pressing his fingers into his temples. "Alright, yeah, I really am not going to mind as long as you keep me."

I laugh, reaching over and poking his side. "You know I wouldn't drop you for the world."

That gets a stupid little smile out of him. "Also, did you take my teeth out or are we going to spend most of today going back to all those places looking for them."

I nod over at the side table. "I took them out like fifteen minutes ago. I know you're not supposed to sleep with them in."

"No, yeah," he yawns. "Did anyway."

I slip my arms around his waist, setting my head down on his chest. "Can you make the headache go away? I'm dying."

He groans. "Wanna just take a shower?"

"Both of us?"

"Sure." Håkon mumbles. "Just don't take all the hot water." 

***

so, sexuality crisis time.

if you understand the reference I made with the song: i love you

-rabid