witness || h.s.|| ON HOLD

sixty-two || lookin' at a ghost

the song for this chapter is "Counting Cards," by Rainbow Kitten Surprise :)

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Counting cards in the dark
We sit and talk, bleeding it out
Believing that all our cries are just diamonds

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   Tate

      As the boys continued to chatter around me, some of their words directed at me, some not, I zoned out completely. Every syllable, every breath, was slowly tuned out until it was nothing more than a muffled sound, barely audible in my mind. 

   My focus was on the picture in front of me, and the initials carved into that heart, staring back at me, and I wondered if this was some sort of sick joke.

   If it had been just the initials "C.B." and no date, I don't think that my heart would be ramming against my ribcages like it was right now. "C.B." could have been anyone, but the date that had not yet happened seemed to cement that those initials did indeed belong to my father. 

   My palms felt sweaty, and I hadn't even realized that they were clenched into fists until I glanced down and saw my white knuckles, and when I unclenched my hands, saw the deep nail marks I had inflicted upon my skin. 

    My mouth was dry, and my body felt like it was loaded up with alcohol all over again, as my movements, and my thoughts, were becoming slow and wobbly. 

    I knew that the people who had kidnapped me had told me that my father was still alive, but I don't think I ever let myself believe it, or even really entertain the idea of it. 

    Although my movements stayed slow, my thought process began to kick it up a notch, and I felt like I could fall over from how hard they were attacking my mind. 

  Did my mother know he was alive?

  Was he even alive at all?

  Was this a setup?

  What if he didn't like me?

  If he really is alive, am I ever going to meet him?

  Am I going fucking insane?

   The train of thought screeched to a halt when I suddenly felt Harry's hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump a bit.

   "Tate?" He asked softly, and I finally tore my eyes away from the computer to look up at him. 

  I gulped down the dry feeling in my throat and replied to him. "Mhmm?"

      Pitiful.

  "What's on your mind? Talk to me, what are you thinking about all of this?"

   "I...I don't really know. What are we supposed to do with this?" I asked in a half sigh, half chuckle, raising a hand towards the enlarged image on the screen.

   Harry sighed, and all of the other guys looked up to him for guidance along with me.

  "I mean...first, I think we need to determine what the date is for," he began, and we all slowly nodded.

   "A meeting?" Abel shrugged, and I nodded back.

  "Could be, yeah...or a deadline," I chuckled, finding bitter humor in the situation even though it was not even remotely funny.