My head hurts, I almost passed out from dehydration, and my friend got a phone so now I can talk to him. This chapter has some of my favorite songs in it btw. (Ps you and Wirt said that they were boyfriends off screen)
***
Wirt was trying to explain that he was lost, while Greg was chowing down on some food. You, ever the peacemaker, were giving the master guy a death glare that could break diamond.
"I'm the highwayman." A hella sketchy guy declared.
"Okay.. good to know... well- so you see-"
"I'm the highwayman!" He shouted again. This time the band joining in, making an eerie, hazy feel. It reminded you of dark confusing fog.
"I make ends meet, just like any man" he lifted his big hands up to the sides of his face, his knuckles facing the audience.
"I work with my hands.." he clenched his fists.
"If you cross my path..."
"I'll knock you out, drag you off the road.." he sang, you were hypnotized by how he moved, it make you sick and anxious.
"Steal your shoes off your feet.."
"I'm the highwayman, and I make ends meeeeeet..." the man made the throat slitting gesture, effectively creeping you and Wirt out.
The bar patrons cheered, and banged their mugs on the table.
*"TRA LA LA LA, TRA LA LA LA, CHOP THE WOOD TO LIGHT THE FIRE, TRA LA LA LA, TRA LA LA LA, LIGHT THAT FIERY FIRE!"*
You were watching the most normalist of things, the midwife and the master arm wrestling.
Wirt left your side, and walked towards a cheery old man painting a figurine.
"Excuse me? I was wondering if you knew the way... uh, I mean- I-I'm- her name is Adelaide, and-" Poor Wirt was interrupted.
"Oh! So it's a girl you're after, eh?"
"No! But-"
"Oh, you're not the witless, simple minded fool everybody takes you for!"
You were nearing your last straw.
"Everyone thinks I'm-" Wirt was cut off, once again.
"You're the young lover!"
"What? Young liver? Well I- uh.."
"If you really wanna get with this Adelaide gal-"
"I don't."
"Well here's what you do." The band played once again.
"Write a loving letter, boy, that swoops and sweeps and curls. Calligrapher's the thing to help you win your girl!" The man was going to keep singing but you lost it. You were not in a good mood. You had a headache, you were hungry, and most of all, Wirt kept being embarrassed.
"That's it!" You slammed your hands down on the table, your palms stinging. "He is NOT trying to get with Adelaide. He already has a boyfriend, which is me! He needs directions!" You were ignored. The folks kept singing their dumb song.
Wirt poorly sings a "love song" and the tailor starts sobbing. The tavern keeper responded with "keep it together tailor."
They declared that Wirt was a pilgrim. They crowded him, cheering.
You and Greg told them of Wirt's feats.
The topic of the beast came along. They scaredly whispered about him.
"We all know the beast, pilgrim."
"He lurks out there in the Unknown, seeking those who are far from home, hoping never to let you return..."
"Ooh, ooh, better beware. Ooh, ooh, the BEAST is out there! Ooh, ooh better be wise, and don't believe his lies."
"For once your will begins to spoil, he'll turn you to a tree of oil, and use you in his lantern for to burn..." the banger of a song ended, leaving you and Wirt confused.
"Wait, wait, the woodsman was the guy with the weird lantern, not the beast!" Wirt said.
"Pilgrim, he who carries the Dark Lantern, must be the beast."
"What? No the woodsman's a good guy, he warned us of the beast and told us which direction to go to avoid him." Wirt reasoned.
"And now you're more lost than ever..."
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YOU ARE READING
Loveliest Lies Of All (Wirt X Male! Reader)
Science Fiction*this book is hella gay, and could get dark* *also this is kind of an AU where I do whatever the hell I want, regardless of cannon* The unknown is purgatory for lost souls. A vast bubble filled with endless forests. A place for those who died young...
