2 (jaylor) ethereal daylight and golden epiphanies

chapter five.

She felt awful on the plane. She just felt awful in general, but she didn't want to let everyone know how bad she actually felt.
Joe was sitting beside her, his hand softly stroking her arm as she tried to sleep. She couldn't. The lights were too bright, and she couldn't turn her mind off. She was going to have a baby. She was going to be a Mom. She was going to start a family with Joe. It was impossible to sleep. How could she? There was too much to think about, too much to do. There was just no way she could sleep, even though she wanted to.
"I give up." She murmured to Joe, as she tied up her hair. "I can't sleep."
Joe smiled, leaning over and kissing her. "That's okay. We'll be there soon."
She couldn't wait to be back on the ground again and in a hotel.

She got to the hotel and climbed onto the bed. "Everything is so bright today." Joe turned off the main lights, and then turned on the lamp beside the bed.
"Is that better?" He asked her, and she nodded sleepily. She missed her own bed, and her own home. He kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes, and moved to take off her shoes.
She looked exhausted, Joe thought. It was ten o'clock at night, and Taylor was already sound asleep. He left her shoes at the end of the bed, before pulling a blanket up and over her. Olivia was about to jump on her, when Joe managed to pick her up.
"Don't you dare wake your mom up." He said, putting her back on the floor. He texted Patrick and asked him if he was busy, and when he replied he wasn't, Joe slipped next door into his hotel room.
Patrick was lying on the bed, phone in hand. "Congratulations." He told Joe as Joe sat on the bed opposite him. "Are you going to let Taylor do the tour?"
"Yes," Joe sighed. "If she wants to do it, I'm not going to stop her."
"That's good. I was going to have to give you some firm words if you were going to keep protesting it."
"Pat." Joe paused, eyeing him up. "You know that it wasn't like that. I just know that she puts everything she has into each performance and I don't want her to burn out. I'm just looking out for her. She went through so much," Joe sighed, and was saddened even just thinking about it. "I just... want her to be happy. That's all I want."
"I can see that," Patrick answered as he smiled. "I can see that you just want to protect her - from everything. But that's putting so much pressure on yourself-"
"I don't like where this conversation is going." Joe cut him off. Her rest his head in his hands. "It's been such a big day. Perhaps I need to go to bed too."
"You do look tired," Patrick observed. "It's been a big day for you too, you know. You're probably just as tired as she is."
Joe nodded, before departing and heading to bed.

-

Taylor was not ready for the concert tonight. She felt awful, and was lying in bed feeling as if she'd run headfirst into a wall. She'd already vomited twice - she'd only been awake for half an hour. How on earth was she going to be able to keep this a secret? Joe was still asleep beside her as she crept into the bathroom. She needed a shower. She needed something to make herself feel better. She put on the shower, taking her pyjamas off. She studied herself in the mirror, her hands on her stomach. She was going to have a baby. She couldn't believe it - the fear that she'd felt a couple of days ago had subsided slightly. She'd manage both. She could be pregnant and she could keep doing the tour as long as it wasn't too visible. Because she really didn't want the public to find out about it. Not now. She'd kept things private in the past, and she was prepared to do that now. She'd talked with Joe yesterday about this, and he'd felt the exact same way. Neither of them wanted the entire world to know. It would be their little secret until they felt ready to share it. She'd been smuggled from place to place in a box before - she'd do it again.
She just made it to the toilet before she was sick again. It was a constant battle with her eating disorder at the moment - because food made her feel sick, and the temptation to go without was high. She'd taken an hour and a half to eat dinner last night, because the smell of the peas had made her feel nauseous.
Joe was at her side, holding her hair back and stroking her shoulder.
She still didn't know how she was going to get up and perform. What would she do if she felt sick? What would she do then? Run dramatically off of the stage?
She sat on the floor for a minute, closing her eyes. Joe's touch was warm, and she smiled when she saw his scruffy hair.
"You should have your hair like that more often." She stood up, ignoring the dizziness that she felt. Joe didn't miss it though, and managed to keep her from stumbling. "Are you alright?" He asked her as he clutched onto her arms.
Taylor nodded, taking a deep breath. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
She leaned in and hugged him. "I'm really sure. I just need to eat something."
"Well... you have your shower and I'll find something." He helped her into the shower.
"Please make sure that it doesn't have a smell," Taylor smiled, feeling her body relax in the warm water.
Joe chuckled. "I'll do my best, okay? I'll see you soon. I love you," He blew her a kiss. They'd had to do a lot of that the last couple of days - Taylor refused to kiss him until she'd cleaned her teeth.
She blew him a kiss in return, telling him that she loved him.
The shower was so nice on her skin, it felt so clean. Taylor felt better once she'd washed herself, her hair and her face. Maybe she'd be okay, tonight. They called it morning sickness... surely it would disappear by the time she had to walk up and onto that stage with a smile. If not... then she'd have to cross that bridge when she got to it.