2 (jaylor) ethereal daylight and golden epiphanies

chapter seventeen.

Two months, two weeks and five days went past and Taylor hadn't heard anything from Adam. It was something that had been hanging over her head the entire time. She'd tried to push it out of her head, but occasionally something would remind her of it. Maybe he wasn't going to punish her like that.

She was trying to push that out of her head because her due date was in a couple of weeks. She didn't want to be worried about Adam and the stupid games he liked to play. As Joe had worked tirelessly to get the nursery done, and it looked beautiful. The walls were a soft yellow, and all the furniture was white. Taylor often came and sat up there, sitting in the cream coloured rocking chair that they'd brought. Joe had put it so that it was facing out the window, and it was her favourite view in the house.
"I thought you'd be here," Joe grinned as he walked into the room.
Sitting here, her hands softly stroking her stomach, just reminded her so much of her apartment back in New York, back when she would stare out into the streets and imagine a life that wasn't hers. Back when her breath would fog up the glass. Back when she was in her darkest days and no one knew a thing. Back when her body was an artwork of distorted colours. Back when she thought that she knew what love was, when she thought that love was meant to hurt that bad. Back when she would beg for it all to stop, beg for an end to her pain.
And here she was, living despite it all.

That was something to be proud of. Sometimes just surviving through the worst times in your life deserve a celebration, too. Sometimes, Taylor thought, it would be nice if people understood that sometimes the little achievements need to be honoured too. She thought of her song, this is me trying, and hoped that her fans would now, just know how proud she was of them just getting through the day, that she understood that sometimes that was an insurmountable task.
"I can't believe that she's going to be here soon." Taylor said as Joe took her hands. "It's gone by so fast."
"It's so exciting." Joe smiled. "Soon there's going to be three of us." He helped Taylor up, and she leaned up to kiss him. "I love you so much, my love." He told her between kisses. "I'm so proud of you for not letting the dark days win."
Taylor smiled warmly at him. "I love you too. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you for staying, even when things were hard."
"I'd never dream of leaving you." He cupped her face. "How do you feel today?"
"I'm sick of being pregnant... and my feet hurt. And I don't want to have to do that interview..."
This afternoon, Taylor had to do an interview. It was a virtual one, and she and Joe had worked all morning to set up the camera in a way that would make sure that you could only see her from the shoulders up. They'd finally gotten the angle right, and they went to go and eat something.

Taylor's eating disorder had made an appearance over the last couple of weeks, and it refused to go away. She would eat her meals slowly, trying to convince herself that it was going to be okay.
"I'm fat," she said to Joe after she had finished her sandwich. "I shouldn't have eaten that."
"Firstly, my love, you're not fat, you're pregnant." Joe took her hand in his. "And secondly, you need to eat food. It's helping the baby, remember?" Joe always reminded her about the baby, because it always seemed to flip the switch in her brain, helping her to feel a little better about eating.
"I've got to eat for her." Taylor muttered under her breath.
"And? Who else?"
"Me." Taylor sighed. Constantly being at war with her mind was beginning to get exhausting. She got so frustrated at the fact that she had to remind herself why she had to eat, why eating was important. She wished that there was a switch that she could just turn off. Life would be so much easier if you could turn off the hard parts. Taylor had decided that although it would be easier, it wouldn't teach you anything. You'd never grow and bloom, and you needed the hard parts to help you appreciate the good parts. The daylight after darkness is where you can realise how far you've come.
"You're doing great." Joe reassured her. "You should be proud of yourself. I know I am."
Taylor gave him a small smile. "I'm proud of you too," she kissed his hand. "Will you help me find something to wear?"
"Of course," Joe smiled. Taylor was walking up the stairs when Patrick FaceTimed her, and she answered it with a smile. He was still staying in her New York apartment at the moment, and he would often call her to tell her about something new he'd found. The first night he'd arrived there, he called her about fifteen times, simply saying things like, "oh my god, there's a pool?! Inside?!" or "can I drink the wine in the fridge that's literally just for the wine?" Taylor had laughed so much when he'd said these things, but the funniest one was how amazed he was at the fact that he could literally go up and sit on the roof if he wanted. He had called Taylor from the top of New York, showing her the view that she was missing out on. "It's official," He told her a few weeks ago, "I'm moving to New York. That's it. Can you ask Joe to ask Mum if she'll send over all my things?"