marriage trial \ j. jaehyun

xxvii.

| 06:21 am

+ aera.

“i really should stop drinking.” staring at myself intently through the mirror, i started regretting drinking so much these past few weeks.

its really almost pathetic, how i drink in order to temporarily forget that one person who probably doesnt even think of me, “stop being so weak and get over it, you dumb idiot.” i hissed, looking like a retard infront of the mirror. “just a few more vodka bottles and you're over him.” with the things that's going on with me these weeks, i've kind of developed this habit of talking to myself to toughen up. it's dumb but it works though.

speaking of, it has been a week since that bar incident and i've heard nothing from him. he wanted to talk huh? psh.  i was hoping he'd talk to me eventually but yeah, it didnt happen. im not sure what to feel over that, whether to be hurt or be bitter but it certainly is a good thing tho, im slowly learning to accept it. as i've said, just a few more nights at parties and i'll get over it.

it's all just feelings, it will fade away soon.

hours at work became a finished day that turns to a couple more days and before i knew it, chaeyoung's already holding up a box of cake in her hand as she shouts together with some of my friends, “happy birthday!!” putting the back of my hand against my lips, i tried to cover my wide grin, cheeks flushed pink as they smile over at me.“make a wish..” mingyu at the side ushers as i closed my eyes momentarily to whisper a wish. they erupted in cheers when i faintly blow on the candle above the cake, smiling contently afterwards. i guess im happy now. even without him.

as what i've predicted, we all end up in a bar. its a different bar this time and not in the ones we always go but its a place that's so memorable for me, “are you missing him now?” chaeyoung suddenly asks when i got quiet, looking around as the nostalgia hits me, its the bar where we first met.. “its weird but honestly talking, i dont.” chaeyoung remains staring at me, a faint smile on her lips, “you're moving on quickly than i expected.” i smile at her comment, shaking my head before drinking a shot, “his name still hurts me - everything about him does.. but im slowly learning.” chaeyoung then gave me a hug before we resumed on getting drunk, again.

it's almost eleven when i got a series of messages. widening my eyes, i made sure i've read it correctly.

From: Jaehyun (10:39 pm)
where are you?

From: Jaehyun
can we meet?

From: Jaehyun
please

chaeyoung stops talking with our friend and looks at me the same time i looked up, “jaehyun?” she asks, eyes dropping to the phone on my hand. “should i talk to him?” she shrugs as an answer, “thats not my choice to make..”

aera, you fucking idiot.

i groan, closing my eyes in annoyance as i regret doing this now. standing outside the bar, i reconsider my decision of talking to him. i could just run back inside and hide inside one of the bathroom stalls, i could make up an excuse or straight up tell him i dont want to talk but why the fuck am i standing here waiting for him? this is stupid. turning on my heels, i was about to go back inside the bar when a familiar car pulled over and the driver steps out.

“hey..” i dont know what got to me but i found myself smiling widely at him, it wasnt fake or forced - it was genuine, like i was excited to see him and it hits me, i miss him. “happy birthday.” he smiles, dimples showing on either sides of his lips. “thank you..” i replied quietly, still maintaining a safe distance from him. “uh do you wanna go somewhere? its still your birthday and we can still celebrate it.” we? the both of us? celebrating my birthday?  it sounded like one of the many things we planned on doing. i would've melted because of those words if only things werent different this time, still it managed to tug on my heartstrings. “or we could just walk around? since you like late night walks..” he remembers. smiling a little, i nodded at his suggestion.