exhausted | sleepy bois inc oneshots

baking with four dumbasses

a/n : nobody asked for a sequel to the minors cooking but here's one because i just randomly thought of adding lani also publishing this before i pass out

738 words (minus a/n)
cw : attempted eye stabbing(?)

——

"hello welcome to baking with three dumbasses, we have supervision now but let's introduce the dumbasses!" a hyper yet calm child with a camera shouted.

she flipped the camera and zoomed in on a tall blond child in a red and white shirt with a small scar on his eye and cheek. "there's the wife havern't alline" the camera then shakes aggressively while you could hear her laughing over alline or well tommy shouting at her about how that's not his name.

the camera finally calmed down and was facing a brunet who was shorter than tommy but taller than the person holding the camera. "then there's mauricio toby" her hand can barley be seen waving at tubbo, who was waving back with an awkward honestly scared smile.

the camera flips again and there's a blonde child with bandaids all over her face on screen. "and i'm your host the incredible dresus, drista!" she shouted, you could hear her smile without needing to see her face. you can hear faint clapping in the background with small woo's, her grin grows larger and she chuckles. "thank you lani"

"doing my best!"

"wait why didn't she clap for me?" tubbo asked with a hurt expression.

"you're not a women"

"and you're american"

"shut up chommyinnit"

"okay dresus"

the glaring between the two piss haired children was cut short by tubbo throwing a bowl onto the table and shouting, panicked "sO WE'RE MAKING COOKIES"

"lani prop the camera up" after a moment where the brunette nodded, off-screen but you could probably assume there was an agreement, drista threw the camera over to lani. the camera spun for a good bit until being caught by clumsy hands, a quiet sigh was heard and the camera was set up to show the three children in the kitchen. the blonde adjusting her overalls while tubbo and tommy gathered bowls, cups and just everything.

"so who wrote down the recipe?"

"drista"

"what— lani"

"i just watched a rosanna pansino video"

both boys sighed, one more annoyed than the other. drista stood blank faced until smiling when the boys sighed.

"we'll use that!"

"we're not giving free clout to rosanna pansino, you don't understand how much that means"

"be a gentleman give the clout to the women"

"yeah tommy"

the blond grumbled about how stupid while the other children just stared at him, they wanted to bake and the piss stain needed to understand. "..fine"

then a phone was throw to tubbo's hands and faint typing could be heard. "ooh she's made a lot of cakes, which one are we doing?" the brunet asked, visibly scrolling through the videos that popped up. "does she have a bee one?"

more typing was heard until "hi welcome to nerdy nummies!" was heard from the phone, it was at a comfortable volume—

"turn the volume down"

..not for tommy apparently

—

"STOP EATING THE BATTER IT'S NOT EVEN COOKED YET" the tall blond shouted, snatching the bowl away from tubbo. "taste testing"

tommy started rambling about something while screaming, tubbo continued eating the cake batter and drista stood still and stared at the camera without blinking.

"lani can you give me a fork"

"oh sure!"

"DON'T"

"PLEASE DON'T"

"nice eyes you got there" drista held a fork in her hand as she stared at the two boys. tommy instantly ran out of the kitchen while shouting "WILBURR" repeatedly. tubbo got chased in circles by drista whilst lani just stared at the scene unraveling worried and confused.

the camera cuts after it can seen that drista caught tubbo and was ready to stab his eye but gets interrupted by footsteps followed by an older british voice. a loud scream is heard and then the camera falls.

—

the camera comes back to tubbo with a bandaid on his cheek, tommy holding onto wilbur for dear life, drista in the corner and lani setting up the camera.

"why did anyone think it was a smart idea to let you all be in one room" the oldest of the bunch sighed with relief and disappointment. "i'm calling dream to pick up drista and then i'm taking tommy back to his house"

"but—"

"i'm not letting you guys kill each other for content"

tubbo groans and flops his face into the kitchen counter. "why can't we just have one successful baking show" he grumbles, being muffled by having his face pressed against the counter.