chapter 4 - this is my hardest battle

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Lennox sat quietly on her bed, staring out the window as the little girl wrapped her arms around her aunt

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Lennox sat quietly on her bed, staring out the window as the little girl wrapped her arms around her aunt. The sun was completely risen now, Lennox didn't get any sleep, her mind was blank but also so full of thoughts as if there were to many thoughts and worries in her head to wrap around. Sitting there with her niece was relaxing, it kept Lennox from having another panic attack. All Len ever wanted was to be reunited with her family, here she was enjoying it but not. She felt isolated. Everyone had their own fair share of shit happen in their life, Cap freezing for 70 years, Natasha training in the red room, Bruce being the hulk, Clint having to raise his sister only to almost lose her, Tony losing his parents and then suffering from panic attacks from the fight in New York, Thor losing and being betrayed by his brother and losing his mother but everyone's feelings are valid.

She started off being unwanted by her parents, always left wondering why they didn't want her. Is there something wrong with me? went through her head constantly as a child, Lennox tried to prove herself to anyone and everyone doing unimaginable things that not many other females were doing in her school, playing football on the boys team, joining the lacrosse team, being the captain of the debate team she pushed herself constantly her ambition is still in her it's just under the numbness of her trauma.

In her adolescence and twenties she never asked for help or needed it, they were all her own battles but this, now, getting help was the hardest battle Lennox Francesca Barton was fighting. She finally surrendered and did something good for herself, she wasn't being selfish, just trying to take care of herself so she could officially get to be happy. Maybe she could finally get married to someone and settle down have a kid. Do what her younger self dreamed of. Being her own boss at her own corporation. Lennox wasn't thinking about being an agent anymore she also did not want to be a superhero she wanted to finally be Lennox not Agent Barton. But as much as she wanted that she couldn't just leave something that was apart of her for so many years.

Lennox felt Lila stir next to her, honestly she didn't want Lila to wake up because she just liked sitting there with her cuddling up next to her niece was much needed therapy. If Lila were to leave the bed Lennox's mind would be brought back from blank, forced to think about how the Avengers were doing with fighting Ultron, or the random tears that would just run down her face even if she really wasn't thinking about anything, Lennox had never been one to show emotions she had a poor grasp on them. She distanced herself from emotions most of the time, but they would come back all at once and she would explode so Lennox turned to running, training, boxing, football all her outlets so she wouldn't cause harm to people, the good and bad people. But no one is ever described as completely good or completely monstrous, if they were everything wouldn't be as balanced you need the angel and devil on your shoulder.

"Good morning, Li." Lennox smiled down at the girl, she groaned and threw the blankets over her head. Lennox grinned, Lila had a lot of Lennox's personality while Cooper was much like Laura. "I think mom made chocolate chip pancakes." Lennox informed her niece.

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