Irreplaceable [h.s]

Chapter 15

Harry POV

A loud groan leaves my lips as I go to turn on my side, nearly falling off of the side of the couch when I do so. I quickly open my eyes, squinting due to how bright the living room is now. I must of forgot to close the curtains yesterday before I passed out. Last night was a complete blur. This week has been a complete blur if I'm honest. I've been drunk nearly this entire past week.

Am I ashamed? Yes but there nothing I can do to change it now. Plus, in a way, it has helped. It's done what I've needed it to do. I needed to get out of my own head. I needed a distraction. I needed some way to escape the hell I've been living in. I get occasional times when I'm laying in bed, I snap back into reality and start thinking about her again. That never tends to go well.

I usually will get emotional over it but then because I'm drunk, I'll get frustrated and angry at myself. Having that happen, usually leaves me with a mess to clean up in the morning once the effects of the alcohol has washed out of my system. I wish I could control my temper better when I'm drunk but I've never really been able to.

The only time I got it under control was when I was with Leah. For fucks sake, when I was with her I was a complete teddy bear when I was drunk. Her words, not mine. I was very sweet and loving and she said I was also very touchy but not in any sexual way. I just needed and wanted to be near her and touching her in some way. That was the only time I've been tolerable whole drunk because without her, I'm fucking hell on earth.

And I realize it once I wake up if I can even remember the night before but most of the time in the moment, I can't realize how much of a dick I'm being. I just get really angry and I have no idea why. Then I wake up and put two and two together and realize it's because I was drunk. And everything with me and Leah added on top of it definitely does not make it any better.

I think deep down, I have a lot of anger stored that I push down even when I'm sober so when I do get alcohol in my system, all of that finally gets let out. Definitely not in a healthy way but it definitely does get released. Yesterday, I was drunk by noon and passed out for a few hours then woke up and drank more. It's been like on repeat for a week now.

Last night though after the alcohol had settled and so did the buzz, I sat there on my bed, staring at Leah's contact name on my phone. I then somehow gained the courage to press the button, the phone begin ringing. Everything froze around me when I heard the rings. I knew I couldn't take it back now. Then once I heard the ringing stop and the small sound of breathing over the line, my heart dropped into my stomach.

I couldn't believe that she had actually answered me. I could barely wrap my head around the fact that I had finally called her so for her to answer was something I couldn't even process. And then I heard it. Her soft voice speaking my name, something I thought I'd never hear again. Except this time, her voice shook when she breathed my name. It was fragile and weak. I didn't even need anything else. I could tell just by that how much damage I had caused.

And then just as I thought my heart couldn't break any more , I swear I heard a small sob leave her lips before a big thump came over the line, making me think she dropped her phone. I tried calling out for her but I got no response. I could barely hear anything. I heard very faint sniffles, only making my chest tighten and a lump form in my throat. And then just as I spoke up again, the line went dead.

I sat there, staring down at my phone, confused and overwhelmed by the whole thing. Even after, I could barely process what had happened. All that played in my head was the sound of her voice. The voice I begun to feel was fading from my memory. The voice of the girl I fell in love with. I heard how her voice broke. I heard how bad I had hurt her and that was all that was playing in my head on a loop.