I Wish I Didn't Exist (Gold x Silver - Pokémon boy x boy ship)

Chapter Seven: I Can't Breath

(A/N) Hi guys, hope you are all well. It's been an eventful week. Scotland is back in Lockdown and England is now following suit. I hope you all continue to follow the guidelines from your Governments.

Here's the next chapter. Please like, follow and leave your comments.

Stay Safe :) xxx
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It's 5:30pm. Silver is just finishing work. He's changing out of his work clothes for his date with Gold. It's quite a weird thing to say. Dating isn't something Silver does. Guys don't want to date him. They avoid him. They think he's weird and standoffish. But the feelings mutual. Silver thinks they're immature, and annoying. He prefers his own company.

But... Why does Gold want to date him? Why does Silver not feel like he normally does when it comes to guys? What's different?

Changed. Silver goes back to his concession to wait for Gold. He'll leave his stuff in his locker and collect it when he's back at work.

Silver is wearing a patterned short sleeved white shirt with black jeans. His hair is brushed and tied back to make it look more tidy.

"Oaft! You clean up good!" Susanna declares.

"Shut up!" Silver instructs.

"Why? You do! Gold's gonna love it! You look so handsome!"

"Mmm..."

"OK misery guts. I'll stop but if Gold compliments you, don't be like that!" Susanna scolds.

"I won't!" Silver insists.

"Speaking of the devil..." Susanna says pointing.

Silver turns to see Gold, with that big beautiful smile, walk eagerly towards him. Gold is wearing a slim black top which clearly outlines his toned body, blue skinny jeans. He isn't wearing his cap, his hair is combed back and gelled into place.

He reaches Silver and leans over for a hug. Silver can smell Gold's aftershave. He smells really good. His warmth is making him feel numb. Gold pulls away, much to Silver's silent objection. He looks Silver up and down.
"Wow! You clean up good, Silver. Really handsome." He says with a wink.

Silver just looks away, hiding his blushing face.

"So do you, sexy. I'm almost jealous" Susanna flirts. Gold just winks.

"Ready to go?" Gold asks. Silver just nods, producing a weak smile.

"Have fun!" Susanna yells.

The pair walk into the street side by side. Silver still finds this nerve-racking, despite this being their 3rd date, in 3 days. Silver can't let himself bring his shield down. He just can't. Gold is just the complete opposite to him. Fit, good looking, sociable, smart. He can do so much better.

~better...better...better...he can do so much better...better looking guys...smarter guys...fitter guys...~

Silver winces. The voice in his head saying hurtful words, piercing his soul. He closes his eyes, begging the voice to go away. A single tear is squeezed out his left eye as it travels down his cheek.

"What's wrong?" Gold interrupts. Silver opens his eyes and faces Gold who has an expression of concern on his face.

"N-Nothing..." Silver mumbles.

"But... You're crying. You're upset. What's wrong?"

"Seriously it's nothing. Please drop it!" Silver insists.

Gold seems unconvinced but decides to drop it. He lifts his hand and uses his thumb to wipe away Silvers tear. Silver can feel the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. This kindness, this concern. It's so unknown. Gold suddenly pulls Silver in for a hug.

"I won't bother you about it. But please, if you're upset. Please talk to me." Gold whispers.

Silver is stunned. He has no words. He can't speak. He can't move. He just feels Gold's words resonate. He just feels the warmth of his hug travel through him. So unknown.

After a while, they pull away from the hug. Silver feels a little better. Gold shoots a cheeky grin: "Let's go!"

"Where are we going?" Silver asks.

"I thought we'd go to a Kantonian restaurant. Unless you want to go somewhere else?"

"No, that sounds good" Silver responds.

They reach the restaurant. Gold speaks to the waitress who greeted them and lead them to their table. Silver takes in his surroundings. Pictures of beautiful scenes from around Kanto line the walls. Tables and booths with people chatting and enjoying their meals.

The pair are led to their booth, they sit opposite each other and look at the menu. Silver would look at the menu then slyly look at Gold. Of course, Gold is doing the same, and smiles each time he clocks Silver looking at him.

They order their food. Silver feels a bit awkward. Gold is just smiling at him.

"W-What?" Silver asks.

"Nothing." Gold chuckles. "Just admiring."

That made Silver blush bright red. He turns his head away. "Shut up!"

Gold just laughs. He thinks it's cute that Silver gets embarrassed by compliments.
"Do you want a drink?" Gold asks. Silver just nods.

"What would you like?"

"I don't mind" Silver responds.

Gold nods and stands up. Silver looks as the tall speciman walks to the bar. There's no denying that Gold is a very good looking guy. People were turning to look at him. There are a group of girls sitting near the bar, talking to Gold and giggling. They are clearly flirting with him. He's just smiling and talking back. Gold can clearly date whoever he wants. Although, Silver doesn't even know if Gold is gay or bi. But, it's clear that he has options. That made Silver feel a bit down. He's starting to question himself again. Out of everyone, why does Gold want to date him? Why did Gold make such a huge effort to find him? There's clearly better options for Gold.

He's still looking over at Gold who's still chatting to the girls while the barman makes the drinks. Gold suddenly looks over and smiles brightly at Silver, which again, makes him blush. He noticed that the girls were looking at him too.

~They're talking about you. The girls are making fun of you. They know you're not good enough. They're telling Gold that you're not good enough. You're not good enough!~

Silver winces as the words swirl round him. They are weighing heavily on him.

"I can't breath..."