I Wish I Didn't Exist (Gold x Silver - Pokémon boy x boy ship)

Chapter Twenty: Silver's "New" Home

AN: Hi guys, sorry for the delay. Sometimes I'm in utter shock at how quickly the days go by. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Our pair arrive at Gold's flat. Gold is still giddy at the prospect of them living together. Silver is a bit more reserved. He knows this is for the best and that he'll be much happier here. But, it would've been better if he was moving in under better circumstances. That's understandable of course. He knows Gold is over the moon, although... Silver will always feel that he's being a burden. There's also that sense of panic for when his mum finds out that he's gone. He knew this was the only way. He couldn't have told her in person. It would start an argument and she'd end up talking him out of it, then he'd be back where he started. Hopefully she won't be too mad. How silly! Of course she'll be mad, but more importantly, hopefully that guilt will disappear slowly. Hopefully it won't affect his relationship with Gold.

"What's wrong?" Gold asks snapping Silver out of his daze. His sparkling eyes shining brightly at him.

Silver shakes his head: "Nothing..."

"You're worried about when your mum finds out."

Silver nods.

Gold embraces Silver tightly. Silver sinks into Gold's arms. He feels so warm. It's nice. Comforting. He feels safe. He's protected in Gold's embrace.

They stand there. Locked in each others embrace.

"Come on." Gold says as he slowly pulls away. "Let's get you unpacked!"

Silver nods.

*****************
Saturday

"Oh my god! You actually did it! You actually left and moved in with Gold!" Susanna says in shock.

"Yep!" Silver responds.

"What did your mum say!?"

"She doesn't know!"

"What!?"

"I left a note. She'll see it tomorrow when she comes home."

"Wow!" Susanna says in shock. "She's gonna be pissed, you realise that, right?"

"Yeah! Of course but, there was no other way. If I told her, we would argue and she'd talk me out it and I'd be right back where I started!"

"Yeah! You're right. I'm glad you got out of there though. You really couldn't have stayed in that environment!" Susanna concedes.

"I know. It's still hard though"

"I know. But things will get better. Especially since you're now living with that gorgeous bit of stuff!" She says winking at him.

Silver blushes. That 'gorgeous bit of stuff' is his... boyfriend. Such a strange word. Very unknown to him. Even more so of the fact that that boyfriend loves him. Silver still can't get over that. There's still that fear.

"Hello!? Earth to Silver!"

Silver shakes his head. "Sorry! What were you saying?"

Susanna giggles. "I was asking if you're looking forward to sharing a bed with him?"

"We're not. I'm sleeping on the sofa bed."

"What!? Why?" Susanna asks in shock.

"I'm not ready for that yet!"

"I'm not meaning sex, I'm just meaning about the shock that you're not sleeping in the same bed as your boyfriend!"

"I just...can't. Not yet. I still need to sort myself out!" Silver explains.

"Fair enough. Everyone in their own time. Suppose it's progress with you saying 'not yet'. But..."

"But what?" Silver asks.

"I get that this is all very new to you and you do have issues in this area and Gold has been extremely patient and understanding. Probably more understanding than is necessary but, I feel that you need to make sure that he doesn't feel like he's being strung along. He loves you more than anything, and I'm not saying that you need to decide right now, but, I feel I need to give you a little push, because you don't want his patience to wear out and I know you don't want him to feel like he's wasting his time. Especially if you feel you can love him and actually say it to him."

Silver nods. He knows all too well what's at stake here.

*******************
Sunday

Gold and Silver are relaxing on the couch after dinner. They're watching something funny. Gold's arm is around Silver and Silver is leaning into him. Very relaxed.

The TV show stops for an ad break.

"Cup of tea?" Gold asks.

"Yes please!" Silver responds.

As Gold heads to the kitchen, Silver hears his phone chime. He picks it up and sees that it's a message from his mum. Silver's heart begins to sink. He was dreading this. He's almost too scared to open it, but he forces himself to open it. Tears start splashing onto the phone screen. He knew she'd react this way but it still hurts.

Gold re-enters the room.

"What's wrong!?" He asks concerned. Silver looks at him. His eyes red and full of tears, he holds his phone out to him. Gold takes the phone and reads the message. He's shocked at what he reads. He also half expected this type of reaction but he didn't want to believe that would be true.

Shock on his face, he looks at Sllver. His face buried in his hands, the tears continue to fall. Gold quickly rushes beside him and pulls him close. He has no words. It's probably best not to say anything. All he does is hold Silver, protecting him in his embrace.

Later that evening, the boys are preparing for bed. Silver isn't crying anymore but he's still clearly upset about it.

"Are you gonna be OK?" Gold asks quietly.

"Yeah..." Silver responds solemnly.

Gold gives him another hug and kisses him on the cheek.

They say their goodnights and Gold retreats into his bedroom. He feels so guilty. He should've said something more but he just couldn't find the words. Nothing would've made Silver feel better but, he feels he should have done more.

"What kind of boyfriend am I if I can't even make him feel better!?"

********************
Gold is jolted awake. He's in shock. He's panting. What was that!?

He looks to find Silver's Sneasal at the foot of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Gold asks.

Sneasal looks towards the door. Gold can hear Silver's faint cries from the living room.

Gold gets out from his bed and lightly walks into the livingroom. Silver is lying in the sofa bed. He can hear his whimpers.

Gold slowly approaches. He lightly gets under the covers and wraps his arm around him, pulling him close, and placing his other arm under him. Silver continues to whimper. Gold can feel Silver's tear drops fall onto one of his hands. He's trying to do everything to stop himself from crying too. Silver is hurt, but he can't fix it. He doesn't know how to fix it and he hates that. He just holds him close again. Hoping that Silver will at least feel that he is there for him.

After a while, Gold can feel a cold draft at his back, it's still exposed. The blanket is not fully covering him. He lifts one of his hands to try and pull the blanket up but Silver quickly grabs his hand...

"No!" Silver says.

"Please... Please don't go..." He blubbers pulling Gold's hand back down.

Gold pulls Silver ever closer into him.

"Don't worry!" He says.

"I'm not going anywhere..."