I Wish I Didn't Exist (Gold x Silver - Pokémon boy x boy ship)

Chapter Eight: Why?

Silver clutches his chest. He can't catch his breath. The anxiety is crushing him. Its weight uneasing. The pressure unceasing. He feels like he could faint.  Gold can see this. He starts to briskly walk back. Silver can't. He can't stay here. He needs to leave. He abruptly stands up and storms out the door.

"Silver!" Gold shouts following him.

Silver bursts through the restaurant doors. The fresh air assaulting him. He collapses onto his knees, in the middle of the street. Uncaring of the strangers walking by and staring. He tries to catch his breath. It's as though he is drowning. He can't cope.

"Silver! What's wrong?" Gold asks concerningly.

"Leave me alone!" Silver demands.

"Silver! Talk to me!" Gold responds. He kneels down and places his left arm round Silver's shoulder. Silver pushes Gold away causing him to fall back.

"Oaf~" Gold winces. He looks at Silver. He's a mere shell. Beaten and broken. Gold can't begin to imagine what Silver has gone through, but he knows Silver is in pain. He knows that being with Silver could very well include moments like this. But he doesn't care.

I've waited so long for my chance. I can't, I won't let it slip away like this!

He quickly gets up and wraps his arms round him. Silver struggles, trying to get away. Begging Gold to let him go.

"Gold! Let me go!" Silver begs continuing to struggle.

"No! I can't!" Gold exclaims. "I can't let you go! You're hurting! You're in pain! You can't just run away from it! I want to be there!"

Silver elbows Gold in the stomach causing him to let go "Ow~" he groans.

"Why are you here!? Silver starts, still on his knees, looking at the ground.

"What?"

"Why are you here? Why do you want to date me? Why did you make such a big effort to find me? Why do you want to be there!?" Silver groaned.

"Silver, I-I..."

"Is it out of pity?"

"Of course not! How could you say that?" Gold exclaimed picking himself up.

~You're a pitiful creature. Of course it's a lie. He feels sorry for you. Why would a guy like him have feelings for you!?~

"Then why?" Silver continues. "You're handsome. You're fit. You're smart. You're kind. You're sweet. You have a future. You're well out of my league. You can have any guy or girl that you want."

"Silver! What are you talking about? Why are you saying this?" Gold asks.

"Those girls. Giggling and flirting with you. I saw them staring at me. Judging me. I know they're making fun of me. I saw people staring. They know it. I know it!"

"Silver! Who cares about them? Those girls, I have no interest in any of them. I told them from the get go that I was on a date with you. They weren't judging you. And even if they were, who cares what they think. Who cares what anybody else thinks. Only what you and I think matters!" Gold explains.

"That's easy for you to say! You've got the looks, the confidence! People respect you! But what am I!?..." Silver mumbles. The voice in his head running riot.

~You're ugly~

"I'm ugly..."

~You're fat~

"I'm fat..."

~You're a coward~

"I'm a coward..."

~You're completely useless~

"I'm completely useless..."

~He deserves so much better than you~

"You deserve so much better than me..."

~You're pathetic~

"I'm pathetic..."

~You're worthless~

"I'm worthless..."

"SILVER!" Gold shouts as he kneels in front of him. "Look at me!" He instructs. Silver continues to look down, whimpering. Gold places his hands on Silver's cheeks and positions Silver's face to look at his.

"Don't you EVER say that! Don't EVER say things like that! You're NOT worthless! You're NOT pathetic! YOU'RE NOT ANY OF THOSE THINGS!" He screams, causing passers-by to turn and look. "You're special to me. If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have chased you if I wasn't interested. Like you said, I made an effort to find you, isn't that proof that I like you?"

Silver just stares at Gold. His eyes showing his determination and his resolve. Silver can't hold back his tears. He's completely broken. He wraps his arms around Gold's waist and leans against his chest. His tears uncontrollable. Gold envelops Silver in his arms. Holding him close. Letting Silver cry out his pain. Not saying a word, just holding him. Letting him feel cared for.

Silver... What happened to you? What happened to the confident guy I saw 6 years ago? What has this world done to you?