Home [Luke Hemmings] (completed)

twenty

➳

To Luke,

You are all I think about, even when I don't even know it, you are always at the back of my mind. I can't help it.

Twenty one days have been and still I haven't heard from you. Twenty one days is now the amount of time someone can go from complete happiness to complete insanity.

My therapist wants to send me away, to a mental institution. I refuse to go because what if you try talk to me again? Sorry I'm kind of stuck on the idea that you will.

He says it will be like 'the home of helping you get better'. The only home I want is curled up in your chest listening to your heartbeat.

I guess everyone leaves home at some point.

People always say 'positive thinking leads to positive outcomes', surely dreaming of the nights we've had will bring you back, since you're the only positivity was/in my life.

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, please remember I still love you.

Alicia.

➳

I posted the letter before going to catch the bus to school.

I sat on the bus silently not even wanting a coffee, I couldn't eat. I overheard a few girls talk about a new band on the bus 'five es oh es' as they said. They were saying how the lead singer was really hot and was called Luke, is it bad I automatically thought of him. I could imagine him in his band living his dream, maybe that's what he's doing.

I had been too scared to call him, although he told me that if I ever needed him he was only a phone call away. I was scared I was going to break his promise, I itched for the feeling a blade gave me and recently the urge has become stronger than ever.

When I got to school I headed straight for the toilets I knew nobody went in so I could try and call Luke, I needed to talk to him. As I tried to ring it, it eventually went to voicemail his sweet voice talking.

"Hey! This is Luke, sorry I can't get to the phone right now. Just leave a message and I'll get back to you later."

"Hi Luke... It's Alicia...I just wanted to call you because I'm scared, I'm scared to break your promise, and I miss you a lot. Why won't you talk to me? Was it because of me, did you not like me? You told me you love me, you gave me a promise ring... Were they lies?

You made me feel so happy and loved, like no one could hurt me when I was with you, I guess people you love the most hurt you the most."

I had tears streaming down my cheeks but it felt good to be able to let all these things out.

"People at school make fun of me and say I made you up, did I? My Dad tells me you're real but nothing feels real anymore. I just want you to know I love you and I hope you're doing okay whatever you're doing. Maybe your band made it, maybe you're living the dream and I was just a small fraction of your past, but I will always love you like the stars love the night sky."

I hung up and just leaned against the back of the door. I just want to know if he's okay.

➳

School was horrible, the whole day was spent having to listen to people make fun of me and beat me up. I limped home from wanting to get away from everything. I had tears in my eyes as I walked along my street, nearly giving up several times.

As soon as I made it home I went straight to my bedroom and changed. I put a FOB tee on, Luke's varsity jacket, and a pair of black leggings. I went into the bathroom to get some plasters but as I opened the cupboard my eyes fell upon something shining.

My blade.

I started shaking as I picked it up, I brought it to my wrist and pushed it against it leaving a crimson line, and I did it a lot until most of my old cuts were covered by new ones. I instantly regretted it and freaked out. I started crying again and didn't know what to do.

I grabbed my phone and clicked on 'contacts', my finger lingered on Luke's but I clicked Adam's.

"Hello, Alicia?" His voice said.

"Adam? Please help me." I cried down the phone.

"Alicia, where are you, what's wrong?" He asked panicking.

"I'm at my house but please come quickly, I'm scared." I choked out through tears.

I had done it a lot, maybe too much. Blood was running down my arm and dripping onto the floor. I sat down and soon the world started faded away and becoming darker.

I heard the door slam and Adam shouting my name until I slipped out of consciousness.

➳

AN: THIS WAS REALLY HARD TO WRITE BC I LOVE LISSY :((((

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