Home [Luke Hemmings] (completed)

eleven

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➳LISSY

I have always had a constant fear that the worst thing would happen in any situation, for example not having enough money to buy something when you are already at the counter. Although my fear is changing not to something like being afraid of the dark, something you never have to worry about in New York, but more what if Luke suddenly doesn't reply to any of my messages for a long time. He is my happiness, although to many people that is seen as stupid, he is as he is the only person who can 100% put a smile on my face.

Guys I have seen a lot of people commenting on other peoples accounts to 'cut' and 'kill themselves' and I have been personally targeted, and sometimes I nearly give in. But I don't think the people who are sending these horrible messages realise the actual damage it can cause. You do not understand, and most people don't. You don't understand how much anger and self hatred someone must have to take a razor to themselves and cut into their own skin, and to be told to do that to themselves would just make you feel so worthless. To everyone who has been targeted please don't give into them and stay strong <3 - LissyStyles

I posted on my Tumblr page wanting to address the situation. Many people had been telling me to kill myself and to self harm as I do not ship Larry or Elounor, and that I am dating a Tumblr boy. I honestly had given in multiple times to the haters even though I said not to, but I cannot fathom why someone who want someone to do that to them self.

Lukey: You okay cutie? X

Lissy: FaceTime? X

I waited for him to call and pressed accept as soon as he did.

"What's wrong cutie?" Luke asked concerned.

"I need to tell you something." I said to him.

I decided I was going to tell him about my self harm as he deserves to know being my boyfriend. I don't want to see him cry because I am not worth crying over, and I don't want to hurt him.

"What's up baby?" I asked again.

"For a while I've not been happy with myself, honestly I hate myself. I don't see me as you sang in the song you wrote for me, and it's my fault. I deserve the pain I give myself." I told him quickly feeling tears in my eyes.

"Wait... What?" He said coming to the realisation, tear forming in his eyes as well.

"Over the past couple of years I have self harmed, a lot, but every time I try to stop the voices I've heard for so long come back worse than ever and I just give in. It's like living a nightmare, but all the time. No matter what I do I'll never be good enough. I feel like there's no point in actually trying anymore, the only reason I am is you and One Direction. I know we will probably never meet but that hope is keeping me sane, knowing one day you might be able to hold me in your arms and actually call me yours. But until then I have to keep trying." I told him, tears streaming down both mine and his faces.

"One day baby, one day you will look back on these days and be so proud of yourself for staying strong, because we will have a beautiful family and everything will be okay but anytime you feel down I will be here for you." Luke said through tears. "I really wish I could kiss you now."

"Thank you Luke, thank you so much." I almost whispered, wiping my eyes gently.

We then dropped the conversation not wanting to keep on bringing it up.

"You are going to the airport on the 28th, okay." He suddenly blurted out.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Err... Because One Direction might be there, but don't get your hopes up or wear something 1D AF as they might be weirded out." He advised me.

"What? Why are you telling me this?" I stuttered my heart pounding.

"Shh... Calm down, they might not. But you have to go for me." He practically ordered me.

"Okay." I said unsurely.

I decided I was going to go, even if they weren't there. I know it sounds stupid and they probably won't be, but Luke wants me to go so I'll go.

"I have to go cutie, but if you ever need anything I'm here for you."

"Okay bye lil penguin." I told him, his cheeks catching fire.

"Bye." He said then kissed the air.

Why have I fallen so damn hard for a boy on the other side of the world?

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AN:

This was so awkward and emotional to write :((((

If you ever feel down or anything please just private message me I'm always here :)

Stay strong I love you :) x