beautifully broken

Chapter 2

Raya's pov

"Raya come on it will be fun! You'll be living with your big bro and it will be like old times"

He's tried so many times to get me to go but there's no way in fucking hell I'm going. Mum probably asked him to take me cause 'she can't handle me'
Bitch I don't talk or leave my room. She just wants to go out and get drunk fucking anyone in sight.

"raya it will give us a chance to get to know you and you will have your own room. You'll be with mike. And maybe tour with us in a few weeks"

Ash mumbles the last part but I had good hearing. My head shoots up and I shake my head violently

Mum appears in the door
"your going whether you like it or not. I've had enough of you sneaking out and not being back until gone 4 in the morning"

If only she knew. I never left.

I sighed and nodded shooing them out of my room and closing the door behind me, this was going to be a long one and I just hoped me and Michael stayed distant.

I packed some clothes I stared at the window, my escape rout. I will find another.

He doesn't want me, mum asked him to I put my cigarettes in the bottom of my bag along with the small blue box that held my sharpeners and rubbers. I packed up the pencils and pens I use the most and threw them in a pencil case. I packed my sketch book and journal

I was interrupted by a knock on the door. it was luke

He walked in and stood leaning against the door frame

"all done?"

I nod and zip up the bag

He waits for me in the hall way and I close the door behind me. We walks down the hall which seemed much longer than usual, it was so awkward.

"you don't talk much do you?"

I shook my head again and carried on walking with him until we got to the living room me here everyone was stood waiting for me

"ready to go?" I think its ash said. I nodded and sighed softly

My mum came over to me and hug me but I stepped aside dodging her hug and shook my head at her, I didn't like physically contact especially from her. She wants to act like a bitch, I can do the same

"come on raya its getting late and we want to get you settled in so you can sleep well"

Calum was nice. They all were, except my brother. The only person who I seemed validation from, or anything at this point I was so desperate but I told myself I wasn't. I got in the back seat of the car sat by the window with cal and luke on the left side of me.

I don't even know if he would consider me his sister at this point. I just wanted him back. I wanted to hug him and go on our late night trips to target like we used to, spend all of our allowence at once on things we didn't need and sweets. Getting excited over the little things. That was until he left school, well he dropped out aswell as I did while he was touring. I'm sure mum has told him though. I needed a smoke really bad I was becoming stressed and unsettled.

I was pulled out of my depressing thoughts by calum shaking my shoulder

"Raya? Are you alright?"

I slap on a smile and nod getting out the car and following him inside. The atmosphere was thick and it just held a sense of awkwardness, it made me uncomfortable.

"it's late, I'll show you to your room then we can give you a house tour in the morning, it's get very chaotic in the mornings here so beware love" he chuckles gently.

I smile at him and he leads to which I assume is a spare room

"this is your room, have a good sleep love." He pats my shoulder I think he has figured out what I am like just from how I act, he has figured it out in the few hours he has been around me

I nod as if to say 'you too' and he leaves walking of down the hall.

I open the door and walk in seeing a plain white room with a desk and a bed. Thats it.

You know how badly I wanna paint the walls- so fucking badly. It's like a huge blank canvas with endless possibilities to create on it

I refrain myself and close the door throwing my bag on the bed. I fish around for my cigarettes and pull one out of the box along with the lighter. I could sit and stare at a lighter flame for hours and I often found myself late at night staring at the tiny flame that danced happily with the wind

I open the window seeing a little ledge above the window. I just had to get up there it was my new escape.

So I put the cigarette and lighter in my pocket and pull myself up. It was quite the drop so I'm glad it hadn't rained and it wasnt slippy

I put my headphones in and lit the cigarette taking a huge drag, I immediately became calm as the smoke filled my lungs.

Smoking was a bad habit and I just happened to have been doing it for years but it was my escape aswell as art

I saw smoke come from below me so I poke my head over seeing calum sat outside in a green hoodie with his phone in his hand creating light on his face and a lit cigarette in the other. Hes a smoker too.. Wow. I would have never of had him down as a smoker. I finished my cigarette and climbed back in I was sure he saw me but I didn't care.

I'll figure everything out in the morning..