I led on my bed for the past 3 hour staring at the ceiling awake it was now 1am but I couldnt sleep. I wanted to finish my painting I wanted to draw so I sat on the ledge above my window again listening to Youngblood.
I pulled out my journal and pencil and got drawing, I didn't realise how long I was outside for until it slowly got lighter and lighter as the sun rose
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I decided I would go back to a piece that had been a working progress for months but every time I tried to work on it I got sad and couldn't finish it. I know it sounds depressing but it's the truth
I used my thigh to stand the book up so I could draw and I saw smoke again and it wasn't mine this time.
I looked down to see calum again this time no shirt and just in joggers, why in the fuck was he up so early?
He still hadn't noticed me, i looked at my phone realising it was 9am so maybe it wasn't too early to be awake..
I packed up my stuff and dropped into my window again, one of these days I will fall but yolo right.
I hid my journal and cigarettes and I was interrupted by a knock at my door Michael flung it open making me jump a little and roll my eyes
"breakfast"
Then he left. Wow he really had changed. Not.
I walked downstairs not in the mood to eat but I think he could tell I had got much more skinnier, I think something deep down told me he still cared. Really, really, really deep down.
Soon we were all sat at the dinner table eating in uncomfortable silence.
"ash what does tbh and idk mean?" Luke asks, breaking the silence.
"to be honest, I don't know" ash tells him after swallowing the food he had in his mouth.
"ill ask calum. Calum what does tbh and idk mean"
"to be honest, I don't know" Calum tells him the same thing, I smile and giggle lightly.
"how come none of you know?!"
"no luke. Tbh means to be honest and idk means I don't know"
"thanks mikey!"
"Raya are you gonna eat something?"
I stared at the food and shook my head, why did ashton of all people care about me not eating?
"what if you eat a single piece of the bacon and a piece of toast. Thats all"
I let out a breathe before picking up the toast and taking a bite. I chewed it and looked at him, he smiled at me and nodded for me to carry on. I slowly but surely finished the toast and the bacon he asked me too. Guilt ate away at me.
"well done raya proud of you"
My head shot up to look at him. Did he just say he was proud? Of me? I haven't heard anyone say that in years
I looked to him and give him a genuine half smile
"I'm gonna go and shower"
Mike leaves the table after putting his empty plate in the sink. I dismissed myself back to my room to continue my drawing
Ashton's pov
"she looked genuinely happy when you told her you were proud she ate something" she had gotten so happy over a small praise, she was surprised. It was adorable.
"I know cal. They don't talk at all, something bigger has gone on.." I has stayed up a few night unable to sleep thinking about the possibility between the two rivals
"I mean she doesn't talk at all, it could be she's uncomfortable or she could be scared" luke suggests. I nod gently
"what could she be scared of though luke?"
He shrugs his shoulder and we all go to do our seperate things. God I really hope I can fix whatever is going on between them.
Luke's pov
I think I knew what she was scared of. In the short time I had known her i realised she is like me.
She's scared of saying the wrong thing and messing things up. So she doesn't talk at so to prevent her messing up.
I knocked on her door and opened it she was rushing to hide something but I shrugged it off thinking nothing of it.
"hi. Can we talk? I mean you can listen to me but-"
She chuckles lightly and nods her head for me to come in so I do and close the door behind me sitting on the end of her bed
"I think I figured you out."
She sits up looking at me in slight confusion but her expression also pressed me to carry on and explain myself
"what I mean by that is, you don't speak because your scared of saying something wrong, you're like me. You're scared of messing things up so you decided it's better if you just don't talk at all. I was alot like you when I was younger. Alot. It took the boys ages to get me break my shell and I found my way of talking through music. For you, your way is art. Art is your way of speaking and expressing how you feel." I watched her expressions change as I spoke, I was right.
I spoke gently and calmly explaining my thoughts to her. She seemed to be taking everything in.
Raya's pov
If only he knew what I was scared of. He got most of it right but he was missing one big part that would give away everything. That would make everything make sense. The last puzzle piece.
"your pushing me away I can see you fighting yourself... Is it because you don't want to talk? Is it because your scared of losing me? Because I can promise you with my entire life I'll be right there. Whether it be over the phone or me coming to you, but I will always find a way to get to you no matter what raya.." A thick silence fell over the room.
"did you sleep well last night?"
I shook my head still in a little shock that he had caught on so fast and found out alot in such short time. He was sneaky.
"alot on your mind? I heard what happened with mike. Ash heard and told us this morning after giving him a bollucking."
"its like almost lunch time but do you want to take a nap? You didn't sleep and you need it love.." he made it seem like he cared. I was becoming too comfortable with him..
Again, I shook my head but he sighed and pulled me into his chest getting comfortable. I didn't pull away.
"please get some sort of rest for me.. If your scared of Mike.. I'll sort it out. Please get some rest." He sounded so concerned and worried. I complied.
I relax and lay my head on his chest and cuddle into his side. He runs his fingers through my hair helping me relax even more and give in to the sleep overtaking me. It was a restless sleep but it was something, he made it more enjoyable.
