beautifully broken

Chapter 20

It's been 4 weeks since they've left and for the first two week we were always face timing and texting but it slowly got less and less

Of course me and Luke text every chance we can get and call almost every night even if it meant staying up late because of time zones, I didn't care..

I keep reminding myself it won't be long until they're home but yet it still felt like forever

It still felt like a lie

I had gone back to my parents house to grab some of my paintings like the one I thought wasn't done but it was.. so I started a new one

I didn't know what it would be of but I knew I needed to keep my mind busy because if I didn't I would start overthinking and they only led to panic attacks..

I didn't have Ashton here to guide me through them either and remind me to breathe when the world was spinning, I missed Michaels nagging and hate weirdly enough because I had grown so used to it

And Calum he was just quiet but always there.. I know I would always have his shoulder if I needed it and we had become really close before he left so I occasionally get a few texts from him and we just catch up

I though tour would slowly separate me and Luke but it didn't.. if anything it made us try harder to make the relationship work as we could only do so much over the phone

I needed a cigarette but I promised Michael..

He's not here, he'll never know.. right?

I went out and brought a pack and a new lighter.. I sat in the garden with my headphones in blowing smoke into the air

The stick I held between my fingers and rested on my lip filled my lungs and a serene feeling rushed over me.. I went so long without one so I knew I could just take it slow and eventually forget about it

—————

"Hey angel how's tour going?"

"Pretty good I have a show soon and you can watch it on tv it's a live show.."

"Really! That's cool I'll for sure be watching you"

He chucked sitting on a couch, " how's home?"

"Lonely.. really lonely.. but I'll get over it eventually"

"Hm not long princess and I'll be holding you in my arms every night"

He flashed me a cheeky, gentle smile making me giggle, "can't wait.."

"LUKE WE HAVE SOUND CHECK COME ON!" I hear ashton shout and I sigh knowing he had to go

"I have to-"

"It's okay baby.. go I'll talk later alright, I love you lu"

"I love you too Ray.. stay safe"

"You too stinky" we blow each other kisses before the call ends and I'm plunged into silence again

I sigh turning on the tv and waiting for my brothers face to fill the screen and his band mates voices..

Hey angels <3

it's been a while and I'm very sorry this is just a short chapter I've been so busy with school I haven't had time to write but I will at every chance I get for you

I hope you're all doing well

I love you stay safe baby 🤍