I was sat on the roof again thinking of what Michael said and I knew he meant it. I declined luke's offer for cuddles again even though all I wanted was to know I had someone but at this point I knew I had no one. Michael broke me by leaving and it took me years to fix it and I never alone could fix it entirely. Now he's back and he's breaking what I spent so long and tried hard to fix.
Maybe I should leave go back to mum and just pay the consequences
I am clean for now almost a year I tried and managed to quit but something in me was telling me to pick up the blade again
What does it take for him to love me? To even talk to me like I was his sister and not some piece of shit, but that's all I was to him and nothing more
I was a freak for not speaking I was a freak for marking my skin I was a freak for dressing differently to all the other kids in school I was a freak for dying my hair vibrant colours like Mike, but that's was the issue -Like Mike- i went back to my natural colour so everytime I looked in the mirror I didn't think of him and his random ass hair
I was known as the misfit the reject. The freak
I wanted Mike to get me through the last years of school hence why I dropped out becuase I couldn't handle the stares and the names I was being called. He wasn't there to protect me anymore I was left to fend for myself, he wasn't there to give me a hug after someone said something
Deep down I think I knew he knew what was going on in school but he started getting famous and getting recognised more and more
I wanted a drink so I knew it was late meaning I had to be quiet but I walked downstairs to the kitchen pulling open the fridge
I grabbed a bottle of water and closed the fridge again I sighed changing the song to invisible
Again. It's their song but it meant alot, and it also had a deep meaning
I walk back to my room seeing a figure in my bed
"I wanted cuddles I couldn't sleep"
God damn it luke. Your a 23-24 year old needing cuddles? I mean I'm not complaining but I know who would
I grabbed his hand and pulled him up
"what are you doing? The bed is there-"
I drag him down the hall ignoring his whines and take him to his own bed
"why can't I have hugs from you?"
He flick on the lamp on his bedside table making me squint my eyes not used to the light yet
I shrug and walk back to my room
I had to do what Mike said. Keep distance. Stay away from them.
I close the door and close the window, I climb into bed feeling the warnth luke left slowly turning cold
I toss and turn most of the night getting only a few hours of sleep
~morning~ 9:32am
I was woken up by someone shaking me awake
"Raya, love get up breakfast is done" ash and his sweet, gentle voice spoke
I groan and shake my head
"it's down there if you want it alright. We are leaving for work we won't be back until late. Be safe love"
I nod and hear the door close again.
I sigh and drag myself up to shower for the day
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(her outfit)
I threw my hair up in a messy bun and put on some mascara and eyeliner
I ran downstairs to see what was left and it was just toast so I took a piece slowly eating it trying my hardest not to throw up
I finally finished it and I was walking back to my room but I was drawn to mikes room, something was telling me to go in there
So I did
I slowly open his door, posters cover the 25 year olds walls and a gaming set up in the corner
I smiled knowing Mike really liked gaming and I didn't want to invade on anything so I ran back downstairs
I sat on the couch seeing the ps4 set up, so I turned it on deciding to play some call of duty
I was too busy to notice the boys walk in, my music blasting in my ears like usual screaming at the screen
"ahhhh!" I mentally curse as I shoot someone down and kept shooting the people around me
Ashton's pov
We stand in the doorway watching her literally scream at the screen. I mean it's the most we've heard from her, we laugh at her and take our shoes off. She didn't even notice we had come on
"stupid fucking idiot!" she whispers through gritted teeth barely enough for us to hear but I think we all did
"she Mike, you can't deny she's not just like you" Mike shoves calum for his comment and we just laugh
She threw the controller on the coffee table infront of her and stood up finally noticing us all stood there
"good game raya bet you couldn't beat me though..." luke challenged making her pick up both controllers smirking at him
She tosses him one and they both run over to the couch
"glad she's happier now..." I said and calum hummed in response, Mike still not saying anything
