Chapter 5

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The plane from Chicago to Duluth was much smaller, with no seating classes. I sat next to an older gentleman that rattled his newspaper throughout the flight. Despite the rustling of my seat neighbor, my mind wandered through my conversations with Sam. It was easy to connect with him, and it felt good to think about someone other than Billy for once.

Billy was leaning against the same pole at the bottom of the escalator that I had found him at over the previous holidays. The second my eyes landed on him, my entire world shifted to revolve around Billy, and Sam was lost in the ether. Billy's eyes flickered to mine, sending a surge through me that I had both missed and hated. The fight in me was no match for his dimples.

"Hey," he boisterously greeted. His voice echoed around the nearly vacant baggage claim. It didn't seem to bother the sleepy travelers. "How were the flights?"

"Not bad," I answered as I approached.

As soon as I was within reach, he pulled me in for a bear hug. "Did you check anything?" He asked as he pulled away and took my lone bag from me.

"Nope, we're ready to roll." My smile was weak, and I could see Billy noting it.

He didn't let the disconnect deter him. He clutched my hand and led me through the maze of the airport. As we approached the parking lot, it was easy to tell which car we were headed to, and it was not the beat-up van I had expected.

"When did you get this?" I asked as Billy opened the passenger door to what appeared to be a late 1960's Ford Mustang.

"Couple months ago," he sheepishly shrugged.

It was clear that while he was enjoying the freedom of money, he wasn't entirely comfortable with conversations about his purchases.

"You hungry?" He asked as he slid into the driver's seat.

"No, I ate during my layover."

"Tired?" Billy prodded in a blatant attempt to explain my disconnect.

I slightly nodded, knowing it would offer him little solace. He reached out his arm and pulled me to his side.

"I'm glad you're here," he murmured before kissing the crown of my head.

Unable to resist, I melted into his side and rested my head on his shoulder. I let my gaze flow down his arm until I noticed a hair elastic around his wrist. 

"Cute bracelet," I teased. 

"Mmhmm, some chick gave it to me last summer," he teased back. 

"Wait, is that mine?" I shot up and looked at him. 

"Yeah," he said surprised.

"You still have it?" I pressed. 

"Yeah, it keeps you close and has come in handy a few times here and there," he shrugged. 

"Ew, you are giving my hair elastic to other girls?" I slapped his arm. 

"No, of course not. Geez, Lil. I've used it as a rubber band a couple of times. It's quite functional."

I gave him a skeptical look, but the late hour deterred me from any further discussion. Instead, I flopped back to his shoulder. My eyes closed, allowing me to focus on the feeling of his twitching muscles as he drove. It was only about fifteen minutes, but it lulled me closer to sleep than I realized. Billy pulled me from the car in the cradle of his arms and carried me as I curled into his chest like a small child.

"I can walk myself," I sleepily and halfheartedly murmured.

"I've got you, Lil," he whispered as he moved through the house.

Before I knew it, I was set on a soft bed.

"I'll get your bags. You get some sleep."

As soon as he was gone, I shirked off my shoes and clothes and burrowed into the bed, falling asleep before Billy returned with my things.

My dreams were fractured with the warmth of Billy coming and going. Tucked in the flashes of his dark eyes were the soft brown eyes of Sam. There was a different warmth from Sam, a calming comfort. His easy smile didn't haunt me in the way that Billy's dimples did. Eventually, the twisting of the two jerked me awake.

My phone told me it was nearly 3 am, certainly not enough sleep to be satisfying, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. I flicked on the light on the nightstand to flood the room with light. One entire wall was windows looking over the lake. The clear summer sky's stars were reflecting on the calm water below. I tore my eyes away to the fireplace. Part of me wanted to find the switch to light it up in the hopes that it would replace the warmth of Sam's eyes in my dream, but I knew it'd be useless.

I pulled on my clothes and headed downstairs to hunt for tea as another weak attempt to regain Sam's warmth. As I descended the stairs, I heard the quiet strumming of a guitar coming from below. I followed the music to the glow of light down the hall and gently opened the door so as not to disturb him. Billy didn't notice at first; his eyes were downcast to the floor. It was a small room with a couple of couches and instruments strewn around. Billy was silhouetted by another set of windows overlooking the lake. I longed for darkness so I could see him in the moonlight, just like the first night we met.

I was lost in my thoughts when he noticed me. "Hey, did I wake you?" He paused his strumming as he spoke.

"No, bad dream. I was going to make some tea." Instead of my stated path, I entered the room.

"I have the tea you got me, chamomile with peppermint," he offered as he set his guitar aside.

"That's my favorite." I sat on the couch, facing him. "Why are you up?"

"My hours are all off." His eyes twitched to the floor as his hand clutched a clump of his hair, a sure sign he wasn't being entirely honest.

"You okay?" I prodded.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good. I was just about to head to bed, but a cup of tea sounds like it'd hit the spot." He stiffly stood.

"Back still bothering you?"

I took his extended hand as he easily pulled me to his side as though we were destined to be near each other. He gazed down at me as I gaze back at him; our faces were dangerously close.

"It's fine, Lil," his words came breathy, leaving invisible tracks across my face.

I pulled away from him with a jerk and quickly twisted to hide my face. "Fine; you're always just fine."

My words came with more of a gripe than I intended. For a split second, I wished I hadn't come. Being close to Billy hurt too much. The love and pain were both too strong, too present.

"I'm pretty tired. I don't think I need the tea after all." I didn't look back to see how my words struck him, but not to punish Billy. I couldn't; if I had, I would've been pulled back to him like a moth to a flame.

Sleep continued to allude me, but I couldn't blame Billy alone; Sam popped up with a mischievous smile to remind me that exes can't be friends. 

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